iOS app Android app

Stamford Advocate

'Blowing Hot and Cold'

Jerry Zezima | Posted 08.29.2012 | Comedy
Jerry Zezima

Still, I have told my wife that I don't have to change my seasonal wardrobe because you never know what the temperature is going to be in the office.

The Waiting Game

Jerry Zezima | Posted 07.30.2012 | Comedy
Jerry Zezima

As a motorist who has been driving (people crazy) for four decades, I am used to sitting in traffic for hours at a time.

'The Height of Folly'

Jerry Zezima | Posted 07.15.2012 | Comedy
Jerry Zezima

How much wood could a woodpecker peck if a woodpecker could peck wood? Only a birdbrain would ask that question. So it should come as no surprise that it has been on my mind.

"Scrambled Egghead"

Jerry Zezima | Posted 06.03.2012 | Comedy
Jerry Zezima

I've never had breakfast at Tiffany's, but I have had breakfast at Zezima's. And I can tell you from personal experience -- because I'm the one who has made breakfast -- that my eggs aren't all they're cracked up to be.

That's the Ticket

Jerry Zezima | Posted 05.22.2012 | Comedy
Jerry Zezima

I am not a lawyer, although I have been admitted to many bars, but at the risk of being sentenced to life in prison for felonious stupidity, I decided to represent myself recently when I went to traffic court to fight a parking ticket.

"Too Cuticle for Words"

Jerry Zezima | Posted 05.07.2012 | Comedy
Jerry Zezima

I can just imagine the lead of my obituary: "Jerry Zezima, a longtime newspaper columnist and certified public nuisance, died yesterday of complications from a hangnail. He was 58."

"Stand and Deliver, Then Run"

Jerry Zezima | Posted 04.08.2012 | Comedy
Jerry Zezima

In my 36 years in journalism, I have never believed that you shouldn't let the facts stand in the way of a good story. But I do believe that the bare facts can make for the best stories.

Let's Get Physical

Jerry Zezima | Posted 03.19.2012 | Comedy
Jerry Zezima

Even though I was recently edged out by Hollywood hunk Bradley Cooper as People magazine's Sexiest Man Alive, I am proud to say that, for a guy with an AARP card, I still have a boyish figure.

"That's All, Volts"

Jerry Zezima | Posted 02.26.2012 | Comedy
Jerry Zezima

Whenever people admire my thick head of wild and crazy hair and ask how I keep it looking that way, I tell them I stick my tongue in an electrical outlet. That's why I was shocked recently when a fuse blew on what turned out to be a bad hair day.

A "Christmas Letter 2011": Love and Laughter

Jerry Zezima | Posted 02.11.2012 | Comedy
Jerry Zezima

Since I am in the holiday spirit (and, having just consumed a mug of hot toddy, a glass of eggnog and a nip of cheer, the holiday spirits are in me), I have once again decided to follow in that great tradition of boring everyone silly by writing a Christmas letter.

"The Price Isn't Right"

Jerry Zezima | Posted 01.29.2012 | Comedy
Jerry Zezima

Get-rich-quick schemes are a dime a dozen, which means you'd have to have dozens of them to get rich. But my wife, Sue, and I recently came up with a get-poor-quick scheme: We had a tag sale.

"Royal Response"

Jerry Zezima | Posted 01.16.2012 | Comedy
Jerry Zezima

I sent the letter to William and Kate, hoping but not really expecting to hear back. Imagine my surprise and delight when the following letter arrived in the mail recently.

"Branching Out"

Jerry Zezima | Posted 12.19.2011 | Comedy
Jerry Zezima

For weeks, I had asked the perplexing and ridiculous question: if a tree falls in my backyard, and I am there to hear it, will it land on my head?

The Wrong Stuff

Jerry Zezima | Posted 12.04.2011 | Comedy
Jerry Zezima

"You're not qualified to have adult children if you don't have a basement," Tim said. "Where are they going to put their stuff?" "In the garage," I replied.

'How Now Waxed Brow'

Jerry Zezima | Posted 11.20.2011 | Comedy
Jerry Zezima

Before undergoing this increasingly common masculine procedure, which women get all the time, I had, indeed, only one eyebrow.

"Put on a Hairy Face"

Jerry Zezima | Posted 10.25.2011 | Comedy
Jerry Zezima

As runner-up in the 2010 Robert Goulet Memorial Mustached American of the Year Contest -- a defeat I took with grace, humility and, of course, a stiff upper lip -- I know what it's like to lose by a whisker.

"He's All Wet"

Jerry Zezima | Posted 10.09.2011 | Comedy
Jerry Zezima

Guys think they know everything about home improvement, even when they don't, which is most of the time. But even if they're handy, they'll always defer to their wives.

"The French Connection"

Jerry Zezima | Posted 09.25.2011 | Comedy
Jerry Zezima

Excusez-moi, s'il vous plait. I should say I'll always have Paris-Charles de Gaulle Airport, where I recently spent eight minutes (huit minutes) sprinting from one airplane (l'avion) to another.

"The Weddings of the Century"

Jerry Zezima | Posted 08.29.2011 | Comedy
Jerry Zezima

Prince William and Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge St. James's Palace Chapel Royal, Cleveland Row London, England SW1A 1DH Dear William and Kate: I a...

"Oh, Henry"

Jerry Zezima | Posted 08.15.2011 | Comedy
Jerry Zezima

Over the years in my humble and frequently fur-flown household, I have been surrounded by women: one wife, two daughters and various animals. The pet...

"Cool in the Shades"

Jerry Zezima | Posted 07.16.2011 | Comedy
Jerry Zezima

I have never been mistaken for Jack Nicholson, the eternally cool Hollywood legend who wears sunglasses everywhere, but I can imagine starring in the following dramatic scene with my wife, Sue.

"The Loan Arranger"

Jerry Zezima | Posted 06.19.2011 | Comedy
Jerry Zezima

Ever since my wife and I were rejected for a home refinancing loan by our bank, which actually owns the house but kindly allows us to pay the mortgag...

"Seals of Approval"

Jerry Zezima | Posted 05.25.2011 | Comedy
Jerry Zezima

Unlike a lot of seals, who have managed to gain steady employment in circuses and aquariums, I have never tried to balance a beach ball on my nose. C...

"Open Letter"

Jerry Zezima | Posted 05.25.2011 | Comedy
Jerry Zezima

Jamie Dimon President and CEO JPMorgan Chase Dear Mr. Dimon: I'm Jerry Zezima. The name probably doesn't mean much to you (it doesn't mean much to ...

"Kidney Stone II: The Sequel"

Jerry Zezima | Posted 05.25.2011 | Comedy
Jerry Zezima

In what I fear will become a series with more sequels than "Rocky," I had my second kidney stone.