We, as a society, have got to change. This unhealthy focus on appearance has to stop. It's all pervasive -- every magazine, TV show, movie, video game seems to be just a disguise for a how-to guide on how we're supposed to look, feel, and act.
My advice to my daughters and to all young women out there is this: no one can "have it all" unless they are willing to change. The days of staying in the same job until retirement are over. We will all have to reinvent ourselves at various stages throughout our lives.
Staying steady in the wake -- when emotional detritus slams the walls, and tears stain the faces -- may be what is needed to allow for the very next moment, when indeed a step forward actually might occur.
Teenagers still need their parents as guides and advisers -- not friends. The more you define yourself as her parent and show her what is and isn't acceptable, the sooner things between you and your daughter will improve.