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Valerie Tarico: Solstice Is The Reason For The Season!

2009-12-23T17:15:00Z

December twenty-first is winter solstice, the shortest day of the year. That makes the 22nd the first day of more sun! Let me spell that out. Beginning this week we're on a path toward "sun breaks" and dry sidewalks, a time when people will take their fleeces off for long enough to wash them, a time that pet poop will dry out enough that your kids can scoop it off the lawn. Anyone who thinks that winter solstice couldn't possibly have spawned the rich array of celebrations that we now call Yule and Christmas and Divali and Hannukkah and Kwanzaa never lived in Seattle.

Solstice means that within a few weeks the days will be perceptibly longer. It means that by mid- January, it will be easier to see the ice I'm scraping off the windshield with my battered health insurance card. It means that crocuses will come up through the grass if I hurry and get some bulbs planted, and the chickens will start laying again. It means that my crazy friends Sarah and Lee who bicycle to work in the dark and rain soon will be able to bicycle in just rain! Now that's something to celebrate.

But even as I look forward to spring, I can't help but think that mid-winter, in some ways, shows the human spirit at its best. Remarkably, we've managed to take our darkest days and turn them into some of our brightest. Without the lights and parties, December in Seattle would be a time for hibernation. (We Seattleites complain now about getting fat and sluggish from things like too many shrimp cocktails, or glasses of wine, or chocolate truffles. But think about how much more bear-like we'd get if all we did was huddle in bed with Netflix and Costco-sized bags of Pirate's Booty.) Corpu-locity aside, hibernation would mean missing out on one of the best times of the year.

That is because the darkness of this season forces us to look into ourselves and our relationships for beauty and delight. Summer's pleasures can make us lazy. But now, the garden is soggy with fallen leaves and plants that look like wilted lettuce. The grassy soccer fields are mud-wallows. The street trees are sticks, and hanging flower baskets are gone. The mountain trails are slick and nasty cold making high meadows inaccessible. With the outside world a grey shadow of itself, life becomes what we make it.

And so, make it we do. We seek out those we love. We bask in who loves us. We indulge our most superficial material impulses. We have more sex. And we ask ourselves what matters. It is no accident that many of the celebrations around solstice are embedded in spiritual traditions that invite us to examine not only our relationships with each other but our relationship to the universe and the Great Unknown. Many of us enter the new year, with its promise of new life, by making promises of our own: renewed commitments to be better parents or friends, re-engage in a spiritual quest, launch a new project, or simply take better care of ourselves.

Since the time our ancestors moved from being hunter-gatherers to being farmers, humans have been bound to an agricultural calendar and a cycle of hard work. During the spring, summer and fall, most of the time was consumed with creating food and shelter. In the bleak wastelands of winter, though, in the lull between planting seasons, came a time to laugh and sing and ask big questions. These days, few of us work the fields, but the rhythm of the year still shapes our lives, and the sun on our faces is one of life's joys.

I wish the media hype-meisters would realize that most of us aren't interested in squabbling about labels or who owns which dates or rituals, or who copied who when it comes to our celebrations. Most of us just aren't inspired to spend this season staking out territory.

For one thing, all of our mid-winter celebrations emerged from earlier traditions that honored the cycle of the seasons: Christmas incorporates ancient rituals from Yule and Saturnalia. December 25 was chosen to celebrate the birth of Jesus because it already was celebrated as the birthday of dying and rising gods and of the sun. That we borrow from each other and build new on top of old foundations doesn't make any of these traditions less powerful or delightful or sacred.

More importantly, we're not interested in squabbling over turf because this season is about celebrating what we all have in common. In Seattle, one thing we share is a craving for the sun. But there's far more than that: The value we place on love. Our delight in giving to each other. Our yearning for wonder. Our longing for fresh beginnings. I personally don't care which tradition people call on at solstice time, as long as they keep those lights burning.

Dr. Cara Barker: How To Shift Your State Of Mind This Holiday Season

2009-12-23T16:34:59Z

There is a statement that is a personal ugh for my husband and me, which goes "so-and-so went missing." What can I say? The grammar 'bugs' us. Well, my friend, my article just 'went missing,' the nanosecond I pressed 'submit,' to the Huffington Post. No doubt it's joined the missing socks from the dryer, and they are having a conference at some unknown venue. On some days, when the unexpected happens, you just have to grab whatever is in the vicinity to shift your state of mind, especially during the final lap of Christmas week. Which brings us to good 'ole' Calvin. Said he:

"Christmas is not a time or a season, it is a state of mind."
Calvin Coolidge

In the final push toward the 25th, it is easy to get so caught up in the hub-bub, that we forget the source of the treasure. It is so tempting to linger in remorse, self-recrimination, and complaints about what did not come into fruition, and miss what is in right under our nose. Lest this happen for us, today, let us reset our focus to 'where it's at.'

The Gift of the Small. Regardless whether you take the Christmas story literally or not, symbolically it has something for everyone. Especially this year, this has been a hum-dinger in the challenge department. Joblessness, the economy, and the endless debate over healthcare reform, endless requirements to recalibrate our adjustment muscles, plus non-stop tawdry stories of who-did-what-with-whom, can divert our focus away from what not only matters, but what has the power to return us to that state of mind to which President Coolidge was refering.

Take Mary and Joseph, for example.

Imagine them trekking along the dark, cold, December road. ( Just taking a gander at my daughter, whose baby's due date is tomorrow, it's easy to realize that an arduous donkey ride to the manger could not have been a cake-walk for Mary.) Now, imagine that the young couple finally reach a town, Mary's 'water' has broken, and she needs a place to birth her baby 'el-quicko.' Yet, despite Joe's best efforts, all hotels are closed, all inns full to capacity, and nary a flight is available. We can only guess the inner dialogue, if not the outer. Mary might be wishing the Divine had 'knocked' on somebody else's door for the privilege.

Joseph might be wishing that either that angel had stayed quiet, or, feel himself lacking in his capacity to provide for his wife in this state of distress. And then we have the Wise men, the three kings -- no doubt more than busy with affairs of state, as are the shepherds on the hills tending their flocks. Perhaps, each yearned for simple comforts in the midst of wintry conditions. And, yet, in the midst of all this, a child, that was to change the course of history, is born in a humble stable, a place of donkey and cow dung, accompanied by animal white noise. There is no Target or Babies-R-Us registry to help the new mama and papa with equipment and supplies. There is only a manger filled with straw, and the garments on their back in which to swaddle the newborn. And, yes, there is that Star, so bright, so compelling that three kings, and peasants, alike, journeyed in the dead of night to locate the Source of new life, new hope, new celebration.

What Celebration Has to Do With Our Story. This is the season of celebration. Generally, we think parties, we think gifts, we think over-eating, and we think 'hooplah.' Actually, the roots of celebration go back to two simple words: 'to honor.' The symbolic meaning of the Christmas Story has to do, then, with honoring new life. The really interesting little detail that seems to go against the grain of the western world is this: the honoring takes place in the most humble conditions. In a world where only big, bigger, biggest seems to catch the limelight, it is the Gift of the Small, the pedestrian, that changes the course of human history.

Now, if there were ever a time for change, this would be that time. Conditions might just be perfect. As one of my clients put it: "2009: The Year of the Great Humbling." Think about it. People around the world, people you and I know, and maybe even the guy staring back in the mirror, have been humbled, one way or another, if they are paying attention. But, my friend, it is right here, right now, in December's darkness, no matter what the challenge, or the stench, or the amount of sweat and tears going into the labor and delivery, that the hope for new life lives most poignantly. I say we celebrate. I say, let's get busy with the honoring. Let's remember to celebrate new life in our lives, new Light in the darkness that shows itself in self-doubt, despair, mistrust. I say, let's give everything else a rest. You've earned it. That's for certain.

The Four Infallible Steps to Shifting Your State of Mind:

1. Get out a magnifying glass or 'readers.' Take time to notice the beauty that's working, despite the appearance of things. Celebrate what you find. For example, the letters are worn off some of my keys, but the keyboard still works. My dog Rosie is dying, but she's given us amazingly unconditional years of loving. My first blog vanished just as I was ready to press 'submit,' but here we are with another 'go at it.'

2. Release whatever you expected to happen today, and embrace what's here.
It is 'what it is.'

3. Honor yourself with 'well-dones' as you go, even if it means congratulations
for breathing. Breathing counts. Without it, everything comes to a stand-still.

4. Remember, the biggest gift is not what you buy, but it is your Presence.
Never underestimate that it is the essence of you that makes all the difference.
So, relax about whatever you are giving, or feel you can't 'afford.' Give you.
Let people know what you appreciate. It makes a difference.

Your readership this year, your generosity, and your 'passing it along' to those you know makes a huge difference to me. May your holiday spill over with every joy. Meanwhile, let us know what helps you shift your state of mind. I'm listening.

I will rejoin you after New Year's, to celebrate together, to honor you. By my birthday the end of January, my new personal interactive blog, and website will be up and running. Join me in wishing this soon-to-be newborn all good things! For personal contact, you can email me at cara.barker@verizon.net. I'd love to hear from you! Thanks for passing the above along to your contacts! Love, Cara

Susan Smalley, Ph.D.: Rejecting Willful Ignorance

2009-12-23T13:18:08Z

Last night I pulled a down comforter over me in a five-star Dubai hotel as I sank luxuriously into the 1000 thread sheets and feather-soft mattress. We arrived in Dubai for a one night stopover en route to Paris from Malawi.

As I lay in that extreme comfort I thought of the mother I had met in a rural Malawi village who was likely pulling a blanket upon herself as she fell asleep. But her blanket and bed were in stark contrast to the lap of luxury of our hotel. This mother of five lived in a small village on the outskirts of Lilongwe, Malawi one of the poorest countries in the world. Her home was a small mud hut consisting of a single large room with a straw mat upon which her five children slept while she and her husband shared a mat in an adjacent room (next to the goats). They washed and dried daily their two blankets (one for each room), tattered and worn to keep the cool of night at bay. The only furniture was a single pot of water kept in the corner for drinking.

My mind wandered to the images of others going to bed and the circumstances that change our experiences in that simple endeavor. In the Dubai paper I read of a young Manila women rescued from a sex-slavery operation working in Dubai. The authorities had saved 9 victims from the abuses perpetuated on young females in this affluent city. I thought of these rescued females in the 'safe-house' awaiting return to their homeland, fearful but at least safely going to bed.

The simple and daily act of going to bed was a reminder of the extremes of inequality in the world and as we sleep in our comfort, the horrors of poverty and gender inequality affecting half of the world's population conveniently ignored.

It is hard to imagine that I may forget the pain and suffering I saw on this trip when I return to the comforts of my Los Angeles lifestyle. But the holidays, Christmas, and day to day activities back in LA will likely make the vividness of the experience begin to fade into the background. It is easy to 'forget' the suffering of others on the other side of the world as I deal with the little burdens of my own life. But herein lies what James Carse called 'willful ignorance,' perhaps the worst sort of ignorance -- one that stems from a conscious ignoring of problems too difficult to solve or too difficult to handle.

I am committed to staying 'awake' to not succumb to willful ignorance again. I see how easy it is to do, lulled into ignorance by the cushion of pleasure. But from the comforts of luxury, we in the West have a capacity to awaken ourselves and make global change. I think of the vast majority of Americans now awash in the virus of affluency, an 'affluenza' of sorts, a toxicity of wealth wherein obesity, diabetes, and chronic illnesses abound. It is a country that has somewhat lost its ability to connect within, to connect to the planet, to connect with one another. But we each have the capacity to 'wake up' -- to jog ourselves out of slumber, and make conscious choices to improve the quality of our own lives and that of others. We can turn it around if we choose to reject such 'willful ignorance'.

In our rejection of willful ignorance, we need look for ways to give back to those less fortunate than us and to make changes in our own lives that can directly improve the quality of life for ourselves and that of others. Choosing willful awareness does not mean you need to give up your lifestyle. We are over-consumers, and can easily reduce to becoming merely 'consumers.' It means making positive changes for self and others.

For example: obesity is now a national epidemic, with over two thirds of Americans classified as overweight or obese. Changing our eating behavior and increasing exercise are two simple behavioral changes that could directly impact ourselves and others around the world. If we were to reduce our food consumption (and perhaps reducing meat consumption as well), we can reduce our carbon footprint, create more food resources for others on the planet, and improve our own health and well-being. And, Americans discard 40 percent of our food on a daily basis! Make less food, eat less food, buy less food (smaller proportions and by food sharing), and discard less food.

Whatever steps we take, the first step is a commitment to stay aware of the problem, to not escape into willful ignorance.

I'm reminded of the family I met in the Malawian village whose Christmas celebration consists of every member in the family getting an Orange Fanta soda. As I return to our affluent lifestyle and the Christmas exchanges likely to take place, I'm thinking of putting an Orange Fanta in my Christmas stocking -- as a reminder to stay awake.

Dr. Susan Corso: Roll Around Heaven -- A True Accidental Spiritual Adventure

2009-12-23T12:45:00Z

Jessica Maxwell is a funny woman. She's a nationally acclaimed travel writer who sees her father's face in the sky soon after he dies. So does her sister who lives 1000 miles away. Thus our Miss Maxwell "marched," as she says, "into the divine principal's office" and told to quit goofing off and start paying attention.

Spirituality is a delectable path. There are as many variations on it as there are souls. Ms. Maxwell's is particularly juicy and more than a little hilarious. I could not put this book down.

From the vision of her papa's benevolent face blessing her from the skies to her original spiritual teacher, the Holy Pig Farmer, we are allowed to share both adventures and misadventures as Jessica Maxwell gets her bearings on the spiritual path.

She had me in her Invitation introduction on page xi: "One can only hope that fear-wracked control-freak us-against-them extremists of all faiths come to their senses and recognize the truly radical promise of peace that is at the heart of every one of the world's great religions." She's right, and it's a statement that only someone who has been through a spiritual becoming can see.

Peace, dear one, is at the center of all spiritual seeking. I can assure you that Jessica has created a modicum of peace through her authentic seeking and finding. Let's follow what her best friend refers to as "Lucille Ball Trips Over God."

The Holy Pig Farmer, Lory Misel, guest spoke in a creative writing class for Jessica and that was it. He became her touchstone on the path. We all need one. His primary lesson? You are here to bless the world. We all are, dear one.

The Holy Pig Farmer meets Jessica at the level of spirituality, and at the level of religion. She needed it. "Grace," he says, "is perfect peace." Amen. Her journey starts to feel like a runaway train. One day she knows it's time to get a divorce. Just like that. The spiritual path can be that way.

I loved it when Jessica had the same reaction I do to that dreadful bumpersticker, God is my Co-Pilot. I always want to pull them over and set things straight. Darling, I fantasize about saying, scoot over. Let God be the pilot. Jessica writes, "one would assume that, if anything, one is God's copilot." Amen, sister.

After her divorce, she ends up in a relationship that clears her karmic clock, and then, she ends up in a church with a friend where she eventually meets and marries her soulmate.

"Peace," she says. "It always gets back to peace." Yes, it does.

Then, one day, she's in Portland, Oregon and ends up having lunch with Deepak Chopra. It was a God job.

And so the journey continued, and, I'm sure, continues. Jessica Maxwell and her book are the real deal. Inspiring, encouraging, full of enough good humor and awkward learning to make anyone on the spiritual path laugh and keep going. That's my kind of adventure.

For spiritual nourishment, visit Dr. Susan Corso's website and blog, Seeds for Sanctuary. Follow her on Twitter @PeaceCorso and Friend her on Facebook.

Chade-Meng Tan: Cultivating Compassion: Meditation For Better Relationships

2009-12-22T17:09:41Z

A long time ago, I came across this joke:

Once, a disciple asked, "Master, is associating with people half the holy life?"

The Master replied, "No, associating with people is the whole of holy life".

This joke probably started as a misreading of the famous Upaddah Sutta in Buddhism, where the Buddha told Ananda that friendships with "admirable people" is not half of holy life, but the whole of holy life. Over time, however, I found the humorous apocryphal version to be deeply insightful. There are at least two components to one's spiritual practice, Wisdom and Compassion, and associating with people, especially in difficult situations, helps us grow Compassion. Therefore, you probably cannot live a holy life without associating with people.

I have found three practices to be extremely useful in helping me deal with people.

The first practice is a combination of "Just Like Me" meditation and Loving-Kindness meditation. There are three premises behind this practice. The first is that when we perceive somebody as being similar to ourselves ("just like me"), we become much more likely to feel and act positively towards that person. The second is that kind and loving thoughts towards another can be generated volitionally. The third premise is that mental habits can be formed with practice, so if we spend time and effort creating thoughts of similarity-to-others and loving kindness, over time, these thoughts get generated habitually and effortlessly, and once you equipped yourself with that mental disposition, people start liking you even more, and you become more likely to have satisfying relationships that contribute greatly to everybody's happiness.

The practice itself is very simple. In formal meditation, I would ask my fellow meditators to sit in pairs and I would guide with this script:

Become aware that there is a person in front of me. A fellow human being, just like me.

Let us now consider a few things:

This person has a body and a mind, just like me.
This person has feelings, emotions and thoughts, just like me.
This person has at some point been sad, disappointed, angry, hurt or confused, just like me.
This person has in his or her life, experienced physical and emotional pain and suffering, just like me.
This person wishes to be free from pain and suffering, just like me.
This person wishes to be safe, healthy and loved, just like me.
This person wishes to be happy, just like me.

Now, let's allow some wishes to arise:

I wish for this person to have the strength, resources, and social support to navigate the difficulties in life.
I wish for this person to be free from pain and suffering
I wish for this person to be happy.
Because this person is a fellow human being, just like me.

In real life, I have found this practice to be tremendously powerful in healing relationships. Whenever I have a major conflict with somebody, I would find an excuse to leave the room and after I'm sufficiently calmed, I would recollect that person in my mind and do the above exercise. By the time I'm done, at least half my anger would be gone. It's a very useful practice, both at home and at work.

The second practice is something I call "Multiplying Goodness". It is an adaptation of the Tibetan tonglen practice. In tonglen, you breathe in suffering (of self and others), transform it within your heart, and breathe out relief (to self and others). We found tonglen too difficult for our students, so I made a change to it. Instead of breathing in suffering, you breathe in goodness (of self and others), multiply it in your heart by 10 times, and then breathe out all that goodness to the world. The idea is to use mental visualization to create these three mental habits:

1. Instinctively see goodness in self and others.
2. Become confident in multiplying goodness.
3. Create desire to give goodness to the world.

In formal meditation, I would guide with this script:

Connect with the goodness within ourselves, our capacity for love, compassion, altruism, and inner joy. If you wish, you may visualize your goodness radiating out of your body as a faint white light.

When you breathe in, breathe in all your goodness into your heart. Use your heart to multiply that goodness by a factor of 10. And when you breathe out, give all that goodness out to the whole world. If you wish, you may visualize yourself breathing out a brilliant white light representing this abundance of goodness.

Now, let us connect with the goodness within everybody in this room. Everybody in the room is a good person, possessing some goodness. (Repeat above)....
Finally, let us connect with the goodness within everybody in the world. Everybody in the world possesses at least a hint of goodness. (Repeat above)....

This practice helps us gain confidence in our own inner goodness and equips us with the mental disposition to see goodness in others. The ability to perceive underlying goodness in all even in difficult situations affords us the inner resources to calm ourselves and others in those situations.
The final practice is a mantra I created for myself that summarizes many of my practices. The mantra is, "Love them, understand them, forgive them, grow with them". Whenever I find myself in a difficult situation involving other people, I would silently repeat the mantra to myself. I found that it works especially well with children and bosses.

My friend, Rigel, suggested that my mantra may also apply to magic mushrooms. Very funny, Rigel.

Bernie Siegel, M.D.: Therapeutic Intention In The Doctor's Office

2009-12-22T12:26:33Z

In my recent readings I have come across many interesting concepts which have always been a part of how I cared for people but are now finally becoming scientific and accepted. For example one revealed the benefits of playing music in the operating room, or reading stories to children that were read to them at home by their parents, while they underwent surgery. The government is actually funding this research and the exploration of the benefits of music. Let me say that the music and stories allowed the anesthesiologist to use fewer drugs and at a lower dosage then in the control group. I would recommend that all of you use the proper music in your treatment regimen and environment.

I laugh now because when I brought a tape recorder and tapes of music and nursery rhymes into the operating room, almost thirty years ago, I was called an explosion hazard due to some explosive anesthetic gases being used then. However, after several days the staff stopped complaining about the risks because they all felt better at the end of the day after working with me.

Another aspect of practice I have written about is the intention of the doctor, therapist, waiter or whomever, and the affect it has upon the persons they are interacting with. The article I read used the term TI, for Therapeutic Intention. Several studies were mentioned showing the benefits of the correct and appropriate therapeutic intention on the person being cared for.

I would suggest strongly to all of you that before you enter the room to interact with a client you pause and clear your mind of any negativity or thoughts like; I'm hungry, late, tired etc. and focus your intention in a therapeutic way upon the person you are about to interact with, be it through massage, or any other modality. What I hope we will see in the future is more research supported by the NIH and others as they open their minds and begin to accept the validity of these findings.

Years ago when I started acting strange and discussing my findings people would ask if I had done any research. When I said no they scoffed at my comments. The reason I didn't do research is that no one believed in what I was doing so I could never get any support from the government or organizations.

I talked to people under anesthesia and was again called crazy. When my patients showed a response to my words, remembered what was said while they were anesthetized and shared what they heard when awake postoperatively, the anesthesia department changed their views. Remember no one is against success even when they can't accept the reasons it works. Now with brain scans we can show that peoples' brains are functioning even when they are not responding consciously to the words being spoken.

The last point I would make is to remember we are created to survive. Bacteria make genetic alterations and resist antibiotics. We recover from illnesses and heal wounds. There is an inherent inner intelligence to provide these mechanisms. In a recent article a botanist discussed a plant which has a genetic defect that leads to its buds not opening. If this happened to all the plants of this species it would become extinct. What he noticed was that some of the plants spontaneously started to open their buds again. He called it a spontaneous reversion to a healthy, normal state. He believes the RNA makes changes which repair the DNA defects and lead to a reversal of the abnormal pattern.

When I read those words I couldn't help but think of the term we use for cancer patients, spontaneous remission; in other words an unexplained disappearance of their disease. From my experience it is the same mechanism as in the plant. The will and intention to live and quality of life created lead to changes within the genetic make up of the person and their cancer cells. This has even been seen in concentration camps where people sought life and health when disease and the inability to work meant death and to the other extreme where one's mortality starts one off truly living.

So in summary remember to live as if you are going to die, enjoying the experience by living your authentic life and not what was imposed upon you by others and you will intentionally reverse the aging process. Grow young along with me; the best is yet to be.

Peace,
Bernie Siegel, MD

Lama Surya Das: The Big Question

2009-12-22T10:31:23Z

Should humanity have been created? This has long been a debate among learned Jews.

In fact, long ago in the holy land, several centuries after Jesus' time, the most learned rabbis of the two rival schools of philosophy, Hillel and Shammai, met together to discuss this critical issue.

After two years of intense debate, they decided by majority vote -- in true Jew fashion, pessimistic realists to the end, that... It would've been better if it hadn't ever happened!

But then, again true to Jewish form, they decided that given the obvious fact that we have been created -- shit happens! -- We must always examine and evaluate our deeds vigilantly and candidly. This I read in the New York Times on the last day of Channukah, attributed to Professor Jack Spiro of Virginia.

Doesn't this sort of sum up our condition? Or is it mere sophistry?
Did God create humanity, or humans create God -- or do we co-emerge together, as I'm beginning to think?

Whether you're a theist or not, isn't the real existential issue here whether it was worth we ourselves being born into this evanescent world, and what to do about it? In other words, the big question, evergreen: How shall I live? Why are we here, for what purpose; why am I here, and how do I fit in?

Now that we are here, what kind of world shall we co-create?

This I contemplate today as snow blankets the East Coast, looking like a brightly shining field of gravestones, all apparent differences resolved.

Ed and Deb Shapiro: A Letter From Santa: Oh Yes We Can!

2009-12-22T08:50:39Z

Did you ever notice that extraordinary things happen at this time of year? Last week we wrote about Santa being a great Yogi, and then out of nowhere we received a touching letter from him:

Dear Ed and Deb,

Unfortunately, Mrs. Santa does not agree with you that I am a great Yogi. She says that just because I can fly and have many different names is no indication of spiritual attainment, and that I still have a long way to go. For instance, she says I first have to learn how to wash the dishes and sweep the floor! So, sadly, I must hand back your accolade and ask you to simply refer to me as a jolly old man with a few magical powers who likes to make people happy.

However, I would like to take this opportunity to offer a Christmas message to all your readers. I started giving presents to young and old as a way to make everyone feel more appreciated and happier. I thought that would lead to everyone treating each other a bit more nicely, that we would become more caring and friendly to one another. But it seems that my message of kindness and generosity has become somewhat lost amidst the shopping bags. We may be kind to our families but we tend to forget about anyone else.

I would like to tell your readers that I believe in peace and kindness for all. So if they want, they can join me by opening their hearts, not just their wallets, and recognizing that we are all one big human family and we all need to be loved and appreciated, whatever color our skin may be or whatever our name is. Yes we can! And we can do this not just for one day a year, but for every day of the year. Do good and be good!

I have friends who say, "Think with your heart and not with your head." Everyone needs to be appreciated and loved. I remember when you guys worked in the kitchen in a homeless shelter. You served those dear ones food and, as I recall, everyone had big smiles on their faces. Just as when you volunteered at Hospice.

We can all just stop for a moment and say, "Oh, yes we can!" Because there is nothing we can't do with a loving heart. It is by truly believing this that I am able to deliver presents to children all around the world all at the same time!

Thank you for letting a caring old man say what he really feels. I can hear Rudolph calling so I have to head back to help the tireless elves at work, before I go to Mrs. Santa's kitchen for a dishwashing lesson!

Happy Holidays to all,
Santa

How can we all be kinder? How can we all contribute to making this a better world? Do comment below. You can receive notice of our blogs every Tuesday by checking Become a Fan at the top.

You can order a copy of our latest book at: BE THE CHANGE, How Meditation Can Transform You and the World

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Ed and Deb Shapiro's new book, BE THE CHANGE, How Meditation Can Transform You And The World, forewords by the Dalai Lama and Robert Thurman, with contributors such as Marianne Williamson, astronaut Edgar Mitchell, Ellen Burstyn, Michael Beckwith, Jon Kabat-Zinn, Jane Fonda, Jack Kornfield, Byron Katie, Dean Ornish, and others is published by Sterling Ethos. Deb is the author of the award-winning book YOUR BODY SPEAKS YOUR MIND. Ed and Deb are the authors of over 15 books, and lead meditation retreats and workshops. Enjoy their 3 meditation CD's: Metta - Loving kindness and Forgiveness; Samadhi - Breath Awareness and Insight; and Yoga Nidra - Inner Conscious Relaxation, available on their website: www.EdandDebShapiro.com

James S. Gordon: Open Minds, And Warm But Troubled Hearts In Closed Gaza (Pt. 1)

2009-12-21T19:13:29Z

Gaza City, December 16, 2009

Day 5 of the December 2009 Mind-Body Skills Training in Gaza

Read more entries and view video here

As the days pass, our participants discover and discuss new possibilities of psychophysiological self-regulation - breathing deeply to relax in spite of the anxious anticipation of leading a group for the first time, or to find a calm place from which to encounter memories of family members "martyred" by violence. They find in the creative imagination of guided imagery unexpected ease: "When I go to my imaginary 'safe place' I discover it is my home - I would not have believed it because we are close to the border and have often been shelled - and I thank God for my family and for seeing the green of the trees every day."

Sitting in the circles of our small groups we move more deeply into each others' minds and hearts. Experiences and feelings that are rarely if ever publicly revealed in tradition-saturated Gaza are shared; long suppressed emotions and conflicts emerge.

We hear about the ways that the frustrations of men, deprived in the Nakba - the "catastrophic" loss of homes and villages of 1948 - of their patrimony, unable to maintain their self-respect without jobs or freedom, have manifested in the self-righteous abuse of women and children. Her late arrival after difficulty navigating the streets during a Hamas demonstration reminds one young psychologist - gentle, always smiling, pale in her long black coat - of her father's fury at an elder brother when one evening years ago he came home late: The old man burned the boy's arm with a stick glowing with red heat, and turned the instrument on his wife when she pleaded for mercy. The girl watched. A university professor cries with shock and pain for her young colleague, and recalls her own father's contrasting kindness. Then it is the turn of a large young man, a gentle giant I think, who is also a psychologist. "I have not spoken of this before," he begins. When he and his brother were six and five, their father forced them - out of, the psychologist now believes - some warped idea of discipline and manliness, to walk 10 kilometers to school each morning before dawn; the young man remembers, his face softening in hurt, his hands opening in incomprehension, how furious his father became when one day, attacked by dogs, the boys ran home. The participant who is leading the group today suggests we stand and hold hands. He asks us, so wisely I think, to "Feel the support of the group." The pale young woman, quietly tearful, nods with relief and release; the young man thanks us - "Shukran" - and tells us he has vowed always to understand and be kind to his own children.

The ways of Gaza are ancient, sometimes painfully problematic, but also rich and in many ways still sustaining. The closeness to families that can under pressure constrict can also hold up people who should by all ordinary reckoning have collapsed. Mothers, fathers and especially grandparents appear in another imagery exercise - the summoning of a "wise" or "inner guide" with a frequency I have seen nowhere in the Western world. "My grandmother was strong and kind" one young woman announces, emphasizing the conjunction. "she was always there for me." Another says his long dead, imagined grandfather counseled him not to throw stones at Israeli tanks; "It is a waste, he says to me. True courage will be in caring for your children and your wife." When a young psychologist - unusually lithe and natty, a "dead ringer" I am told for a Turkish movie star - tells me I remind him of his grandfather. I'm at first taken aback, ready to protest - "I'm much too young," I think. When I look again and see the sweetness of his face, the tears in his eyes, I am aware of the foolishness of my reaction, and accept the honor he is giving me.

Each day the nature that remains free from overcrowding, the destruction of artillery shells and fear of Israeli patrols appears, vital and hopeful, in mental imagery, check-ins and reminiscences. In the drawings participants make of "how I want to be" and "how I will achieve it," there are palm trees with ladders- steps to a more hopeful future- leading upward; small patches of green issue gracious invitations; many colored flowers represent "all the brightness of experience;" birds of free thought and feeling fly at the top of pages; the sun warms tired heads and softens hunched, burdened shoulders. Often the sea that borders Gaza appears, deep and ever present, calming troubled minds.

This post is continued in Pt. 2.

Kiri Westby: The Magic Of Winter Solstice: Celebrating A Different Holiday

2009-12-21T15:42:00Z

It's not easy to ignore Christmas.

Whether you like it or not, Christmas is everywhere. Propagated by the mass media and often conjuring up such a frenzy of need and expectation that many people end up disappointed and stressed-out. I often wonder how many people still feel like Christmas is a delightful time of year that they look forward to, rather than are obligated to?

I was raised in a Christmas-less household, which was a bit complicated in the US, especially as a child. Though our extended family would send X-mas gifts and I knew about Santa and his reindeer, the real magic for me came during the Winter Solstice.

Dec. 21st has been celebrated since ancient times in the Northern Hemisphere, long before the rise of modern-day Christmas. Roman, Scandinavian and other pagan traditions feasted and celebrated the darkest night of the year and the return of the sun. In fact, many of the traditions associated with Christmas today were adopted from earlier solstice customs and woven in to what we now know as Christmas.

In the Buddhist-American tradition of my youth, around the time of the Winter Solstice we celebrated Children's Day, a holiday created in 1978 by the late Chö gyam Trungpa Rinpoche. The great bloggist Waylon Lewis has done an excellent job of recounting the history of Children's Day for those who are interested.

But the evening of the Solstice itself was where the enchantment happened, a very important time for self-reflection and marking the changing of the season. Our house was lit only with candles, as friends and neighbors gathered to be together on the longest night of the year. During the gathering, people spoke about the year past and the year ahead, everyone lost in contemplation.

Little scraps of paper were provided for everyone to write on. Each person would take two. On one we would write the aspect of the year past that we needed to let go of. For many, this was about grudges they were holding, loss they had experienced or negativity that they were carrying around and needing to shed. On the other piece of paper we would write our aspirations for the coming year, our wishes that we hoped to fulfill.

A fire was lit in the yard and near the end of the evening we would all bundle up and head outside to encircle the flame. One by one we would read our notes aloud (or sometimes just to ourselves) and throw them into the fire ... first letting go of the past, then looking to the brightness of the future.

I still do this each year and look forward to the time it provides to take stock of my life ... what I need to cast off and what I hope to achieve. Anyone can do it, as it is not rooted in any religion or creed, but in taking a moment to recognize the wonder of our spinning planet, our powerful sun and the changes we wish to make in our lives.

I hope that by sharing this tradition with my readers it will inspire you to create your own solstice traditions and bring back some magic to a time of year that has become all too focused on material gain.

Happy Winter Solstice everyone, may all your wishes come true!

Kiri Westby
Change-Maker/Ruler-Breaker/Story-Teller

Kiri Westby is a featured contributor to Ed and Deb Shapiro's new book, BE THE CHANGE, How Meditation Can Transform You And The World, with forewords by HH Dalai Lama and Robert Thurman.

Mike Robbins: The Power Of Not Knowing

2009-12-21T14:40:00Z

Do you like to know things? Would you consider yourself a "know it all," controlling, or anal in any way? All of these things, among many others, apply to me and many people around me.

Why are we so obsessed with knowing everything? While there's nothing wrong with knowledge, learning, and understanding - our insatiable desire to know and control stuff often gets in our way of trying new things, going for it, and being at peace in life.

I heard a great saying recently that made me laugh, "People who think they know everything are really annoying to those of us who actually do." Sadly, many of us, myself included, relate to life and others this way.

This obsession with knowing often has much more to do with our egos and our fear of being judged or embarrassed, than it does with a sincere desire for knowledge and information. We want to control the uncontrollable: life.

What if we didn't have to know everything all the time? What if we could let go, trust, and be at peace with not knowing? Being able to embrace not knowing is one of the most important, yet challenging aspects of life and growth. Being okay with not knowing allows us to be creative, open, and willing to live in a state of wonder and possibility, like children do. My two girls teach me a lot about the importance of not knowing all the time.

Here are a few things we can do to enhance our ability to not know in a positive and beneficial way:

1) Let Go/Surrender - Take your hands off the wheel and trust that that you don't have to do and know everything in order to succeed and be happy. When we let go, peace and freedom can show up authentically. This can be much easier said than done for most of us. And, it's a practice which is all about trust and not being attached.

2) Admit When You Don't Know - Stop pretending that you know stuff you don't know...it is stressful, annoying, and anxiety-producing. We aren't supposed to know everything and none of us do. The easier it is for us to admit we don't know something, the more likely we are to either learn it, let it go, ask for help, or be at peace about it. This is all about having a deep sense of self acceptance and self appreciation.

3) Seek Out Things You Don't Know - Look for things , find stuff, and take things on that you don't understand, , know about, or think you can't do. Doing this builds our confidence, challenges us to expand ourselves, and gives us practice at hanging out in the unknown and uncertainty of life - which is where most real growth, change, and transformation can take place.

Remember to be kind to yourself, laugh often, and not take yourself too seriously. Most of us spend and waste lots of time and energy pretending we know things that we really don't. When we surrender to and embrace not knowing, a profound level of freedom and liberation become possible.

Mike Robbins is a sought-after motivational keynote speaker, coach, and the bestselling author of Focus on the Good Stuff (Wiley) and Be Yourself, Everyone Else is Already Taken (Wiley). More info - www.Mike-Robbins.com

Robyn O'Brien: Be The Change

2009-12-21T13:14:08Z

When we look at the world,
Do we like what we see?
Do we think about others
Or think about "me"?

Do we take without giving
And consume what we must,
Ever heeding the motto:
"In consumption we trust"?

If we stopped for a moment
And thought about 'how'
We could make our world better
Beginning with 'now'.

We might realize we share
So much more than divides us:
Letting hope, faith and love
Be the gifts that inspire us.

Natasha Dern: Forgiveness: What's Your Capacity?

2009-12-21T12:44:43Z

One of the misconceptions about forgiveness is that if you forgive the person - you are letting them off the hook. That somehow forgiving them lets them be free and the Gods will smile upon them. This couldn't be further from the truth. The person who has harmed you has his/her baggage to eventually deal with. What you sow, you reap.

Many are called to forgive but few heed the call. Many choose to remain in prisons of their own making and move through life without an ounce of joy or peace. It is a hellish place to live. Day and night, they carry the memories, the pain and the wounds of the past that rob them of so much in the present. A part of you may wonder 'How can I ever forgive what they did to me?' one thing that might change your mind is to realize that holding on to all that pain doesn't hurt anyone but you. For those of you who can't or won't forgive - you are only affirming that the other person has more power and value than you.

Let me state something very clearly here - to force your perpetrator of admitting wrong will be a life long battle and a battle you won't win. Majority of people who harm others will not admit or confess any wrongdoing and some of them have no remorse for their actions. Reconciliation with the person in question is a long shot unless the person has enough awareness to know better. Your ability to forgive is not dependent on the other person's apologies but your ability to rise above and do it because you believe your life will be better and healthier as a result. I will remind you that your capacity is greater than you think or else forgiveness would not be one of your lessons to master in this life. Forgiveness is one of the agents of Divinity. In all of human literature, the hero or heroine, encounter challenge and betrayal, pain and suffering, and through it, they become great men and women.

In other words, what are you made of and what is your capacity for greatness? Forgiveness has an incredible ability to expand every nerve and fiber of your being. It stretches you beyond your own limits. I can honestly attest that if you don't have anything or anyone to forgive - you haven't lived! By having to forgive, it reveals that you have allowed life to touch you, to leave its imprint on your soul. Many of us have undergone such events in our own lives; we have survived, thrived and lived to tell about it.

Now forgiveness of the person does not imply permission to abuse or hurt you again. Forgiveness is about your own sense of well being and peace. This journey is about your own evolution as a person and as a soul. Once real forgiveness has transpired within you then the person will no longer affect you. You may cross paths with them but you will walk on by with only understanding and peace.

Our journey on planet earth is a constant unearthing of our Divine potential. Sometimes the best way to unearth divine potential is by extreme measures or circumstances. So we're all in good company. All of us are on the same divine potential boat. We must learn certain lessons and embody certain qualities that can only come about through conflict and pain. Let's be frank - when we're happy, we have no need to go searching for higher truths or knowledge. It is only when pain enters our lives that we feel compelled to heal it or go in search of its meaning. Therefore, pain and suffering have a divine purpose in our lives.

What makes forgiveness so difficult is that we tend to think or believe that it is a sacrifice, a giving in, losing our 'rightness'. We tend to feel that it somehow discounts our pain. This is a myth. You forgive because you want to be free and at peace. You value yourself enough to do it for yourself and only for yourself.

Dr. Hendrie Weisinger: The Importance Of Project Management: An Interview With Terry Schmidt

2009-12-21T11:41:13Z

I will start by asking you, "How many projects do you have on your plate?" Weddings, family trips, the upcoming conference, rolling out a new customer service program or compensation system, or having to turn a blueprint feature of a car, plane, bus, or into a reality are only some of the diverse samples of projects that we attempt and want to be successful doing.

Yet, as research would indicate, most projects never achieve the success desired. How can you ensure that your projects are succesful? What can you do so you can cofidently assure your boss you will deliver the goods--on time?

I'd recommend a starting place is to meet Terry Schmidt -- a globally recognized strategy consultant and project management expert. He is the founder of www.ManagementPro.com, and the author of Strategic Project Management Made Simple: Practical Tools for Leaders and Teams (Wiley, 2009).

Dr. Hank: You have developed great expertise in Project Management. How did you get interested in this field?

Terry: My love of projects began in high school when I launched a small rocket loaded with guppies. That project earned national press coverage and motivated me to study aerospace engineering. During a summer internship at NASA, I devoured all the project and program management books in their library. This ignited my passion for Project Management and systems thinking, which considers how all the elements of large and complex systems work together to accomplish the big picture goal.

In a later career as a management consultant to developing nations, I witnessed the futility of piecemeal solutions to complex problems. For example, a project designed to reduce childhood mortality in Africa may provide inoculations and health education, but these good efforts will fail unless there is also access to clean water, which may not be part of the project. So we need to think, plan, and act from a larger perspective and address all the solution elements.

Given the nature of the problems we face today, it is essential to use systems thinking combined with Project Management.

Dr. Hank: Should "Project Management" be formally taught in our school systems, or just integrated into teaching methods?

Terry: Learning to use and apply Project Management is a valuable and essential life skill. Students need these skills because they'll use them life-long, on the job and off. Everyone who works deals with projects, but projects extend beyond the job to include personal projects, family projects, volunteer projects and so forth.

Project Management skills help you achieve better results. Mastering the art of Project Management can help you become a better parent, neighbor, and citizen as well as a stellar performer at work.

Project Management is a broad field. Let's be sure we teach the right kind. Typical Project Management gets too granular too quickly by focusing on activities, budgets, and schedules before first establishing the overall goals.. I'm a big believer in Strategic Project Management, which begins with clearly defining the big picture before delving into details.

Dr. Hank: If turning the Country around is a project, how would you approach it? What would your consulting advice be to President Obama and the Congress?

Terry: I can't think of a more crucial project. The place to start is to ask where we as a nation want to be in the future, and then develop a strategic plan to get there.

It's outrageous that the United States doesn't have a national strategic plan. Singapore has one; Dubai has one; China has one--but we don't. Sadly, right now there is no common vision, measures of success, or agreement on strategies to reach that vision. We have become too fractionalized and single-issue oriented to even discuss a common vision or projects that can get us there. By the way, I'll donate my time and expertise to help make that happen.

Dr. Hank: Since you lecture a lot on strategy, I am sure that you have met many people who are more "strategic" than others. In the scheme of evolution, I am sure that strategic thinking would be favored by natural selection. Do you think the capacity for this type of thinking needs to be in the genes, or can it be learned?

Terry: No doubt among primitive tribes, the man who had the Project Management knowledge needed to organize others and successfully hunt gazelles became the leader. Those less skilled in Project Management got eaten by tigers. Contemporary master Project Managers like Steve Jobs and Richard Branson would have made great tribal leaders because it is in their genes to triumph in any context.

While we can't alter our DNA, we can polish our strategic skills. Unfortunately, whole field of strategy and projects has become overly complicated and filled with buzz words. We need to get back to the basics. Everyone can master simple Project Management concepts like if-then thinking and assumptions-testing. Learning these increases your strategic I.Q. and multiplies your ability to make things happen.

Dr. Hank: You have been a consultant on some very exciting projects. Which stands out the most?

Terry: I'm fortunate in that my client base spans 34 countries and has involved just about every type of project imaginable.

One of my most exciting current projects involves helping the US Government's effort to reduce proliferation of weapons of mass destruction to combat terrorism. I am a consultant to CPOIS - The CounterProliferation Operations Intelligence Support Program at Lawrence Livermore National Laboratory. There are a lot of smart people involved - Scientists, Engineers, Mathematicians, IT pros, Military experts - but their efforts need to be organized into a coherent whole. CPOIS leaders have adopted the Logical Framework Project Management approach as a way to leverage their resources and keep nasty weapons away from the bad guys.

Project Management skills apply in every sphere of life. When you begin to appreciate that your life consists of multiple interrelated projects and manage them strategically, the quality of your results will skyrocket.

Dr. Hank: Thank you for taking time off from your busy projects to meet my readers. My new project--get your book today!

Robert Lanza, M.D.: No BS Theory of Life: Pain And Holiday Blues Are Money In The Bank

2009-12-21T11:05:00Z

Forget the self-help books. No book or person can promise you happiness.

Christmas time is the mostly likely time of the year to experience depression. We share our love with friends and family, and get lots of gifts. So why aren't we all joyous? What the hell is going on?

Did you ever wonder why people like Elvis Presley and Michael Jackson didn't fare any better than you or I despite all their money, fame, and access to people of wisdom?

The answer lies in your own backyard. Look at the shrubs, tangled with vines, with here and there a sumac jutting out from the maze. Look at the pines pressed against the shingles for want of more sunlight, their roots reaching under the house to the length of 20 feet. In an effort to maintain themselves, I have known willows near the foundation to break into the cellar pipes for want of water.

What is a tree, after all, but a trunk with so many roots and leaves bringing food and water to the organism? After billions of years of evolution, it was inevitable that life would acquire the ability to locomote, to hunt and see, to protect itself from competitors. Observe the ants in the woodpile. They can engage in combat just as resolutely as any human. Our guns and ICBMs are merely the jaws of a more clever ant.

The goal of life is life. Every impulse and thought is a device developed towards that end. Consider our own species. We hunt and gather, do the dishes, and have sex. By day and night, we are serenaded by the notes of Beethoven modulating over the trump of the bullfrogs and the songs of the mating bird. Even poetry and art reflect our humanity and are impelled by instincts - by forms of fear and powerlessness, of pugnacity and mastery, of association and love.

To many creatures there are but a few necessities of life: food, water, shelter. To a bumblebee, these are a few flowers full of nectar. Even humankind is led by these primary drives, although we have invented not only the house and clothing but fire to cook our food. What pains we take during the holidays, with our mincemeat pies and rum cakes. The poor are wont to complain that they have no food for their families, and we devote a great deal of our economy to agriculture and housing.

Of course, the effort for self-preservation is vague and varied. There is, for instance, the need for understanding and knowledge to guide our emotions, to tame the beast in our animal nature. What shameless and chaotic lives many of us would live if we were not awakened by better desires from within.

Our behavior is motivated by needs and wants. Pleasure and pain consist in the extent to which these desires are satisfied or hindered. "Pleasure" according to Spinoza, one of the greatest philosophers of all time "is man's transition from a lesser state of perfection to a greater. Pain is man's transition from a greater state of perfection to a lesser."

Here is a goal -completeness and power - that is wonderfully attractive to us at a time of recession, and when many lack the means to feed and clothe themselves. And when we have found all power, we may not be happier for it. When we have overcome our struggles and have no ambitions and no defeats, what do we do next? Build taller and more splendid houses, weave finer clothing? Where does the power to act come from when desire has been quieted?

Have you ever wondered why every TV show, movie, and book has villains? Every writer knows that the good guy has to be threatened somehow, perhaps chased by someone with a gun or an ax. Even Cinderella had an evil stepmother and had to sit in the cinders after she finished her work. Meeting the Prince just wouldn't have been the same if she had been a spoiled little rich girl.

The keenest pleasures are for those who experience the keenest pain.

You can't change the equation of life. And remember, while the world is celebrating the holiday season, if you're depressed and have the blues it's just money in the bank. And when your turn comes, spend it on something that you will be proud of.

Robert Lanza, MD worked with (and published a series of scientific papers with) the late Harvard psychologist B.F. Skinner, the father of modern behaviorism. His new book - Biocentrism - lays out his theory of everything.

Therese Borchard: PBS' 'This Emotional Life': An Intellectual Odyssey

2009-12-21T09:16:47Z

I feel sorry for Daniel Gilbert, Harvard psychologist and bestselling author of "Stumbling on Happiness." He is so good at everything that he has a hard time finding a suitable challenge. Alas, he has found one! The 52-year-old scientist whose work has been covered by every major media news outlet--from The New York Times to Glamour--has teamed up with Vulcan Productions and the NOVA/WGBH Science Unit to create a multimedia project called "This Emotional Life." A 3-part documentary premieres on PBS January 4-6, 2010, but there is plenty going on already on the fascinating website, which features expert bloggers and clips from the series.

"This is an intellectual odyssey of mine," Gilbert told me yesterday, when I had the opportunity to interview him. "It feels like being a student again, like learning a new trade, and that's where the joy is for me." Gilbert does this well too--gathering an eclectic group of experts to weigh in on happiness from varied perspectives. For example, in episode one, which concentrates on relationships and their role in our emotional well-being, Dr. Xavier Amador, a clinical psychologist and relationship expert helps a married couple on the show work through some of their problems. In episode three, which examines happiness and resilience from different vantage points, happiness expert Edward Diener pinpoints some universal traits of happy people, one being religion. Says Diener: "We know that in most societies, religious people are happier than non-religious people. Not everywhere but almost everywhere in the world we found that."

Many celebrities are interviewed throughout the documentary, as well, adding an entertainment value. "It was fun introducing my wife to Richard Gere," says Gilbert, "but I didn't know if I was ever going to get her back. And I've been a fan of Chevy Chase for years." Other celebrities include Larry David, Elizabeth Gilbert, Alanis Morissette, and Katie Couric.

But by far the most important sound bites, says Gilbert, are the stories of everyday folks. "The greatest surprise in putting the documentary together," Gilbert explained to me, "is that I thought interviewing the living laboratory, the persons in the trenches, would be my job, but that the great fun would be interviewing the scientists. It was actually reversed."

Gilbert went on about some the stories that touched him deeply, among them a woman named Michele Gosset who has been diagnosed with ovarian cancer, but won't surrender to the illness. She uses meditation, positive thinking, and her faith to pull her through.

What message does the Harvard psychologist and his production team ultimately hope to convey with the series? Says Gilbert: "Here are the three important facts about happiness that have become the themes for each of the shows: 1) You can't be happy alone. Social relationships are the single most important ingredient of happiness. They are key. 2) You can't be happy all the time. We have to experience negative emotions as part of being human. But it's HOW we experience negative emotions that count. 3) You can be happier than you are. There are universal traits of happy people that you can implement to raise your happiness level."

Russell Bishop: Would You Rather Be Loving Or Loved?

2009-12-21T09:04:12Z

If you who have been following these posts over the past year and a half, you will not be surprised to see the range of comments that show up after each article. Some are welcoming of the perspectives, some write of how these kinds of ideas have helped them through some difficulty or another, and some question in a sincere manner, seeking to understand or challenge a perspective. And then there are those who seem to delight in distorting what has been written, claim that holding a positive focus is just "snake oil," and suggest that these approaches to life are part of a fundamental problem in American life.

My favorites are the folks who like to rise up on an anonymous soap box and preach against either the ideas or the authors or both, even going so far as to accuse those of us who offer this work for free on the Huffington Post as somehow ripping people off in what one commenter calls a "pay to play paradigm."

I have tried playing with the critics and their criticisms, sometimes with teasing titles (Why Positive Thinking Just Doesn't Work or Are You Intelligent or Just Intellectual); sometimes, I have tried taking on the critics by calling out the inconsistencies, distortions or even the apparent hypocrisy.

This week, I decided to try a more direct approach: my fundamental proposition is that once the basics are handled (food, water, shelter, safety), what most of us long for in life is the experience of being loved and the opportunity to be loving.

Having worked in the arena of personal and professional fulfillment most of my life, I was struck with a rather simple and yet profound awareness as I was reading The Shack this past week. While I have worked to establish loving and caring in my own life and shared ideas about this with others over the past 35 years or so, I was struck by the fact that I haven't really addressed this most important aspect of living in these articles - or, at least not directly.

In particular, this passage from The Shack (page 99) awakened me to yet another level of awareness.

(Awakening is an interesting notion, by the way: many who work with awareness will use the term. How about this for a concept: To awaken, you must have been asleep. However, to have been asleep, it would seem that you must have previously been awake. Hmmm. Much of this work can be characterized as what I call the process of "becoming more of who you already are." A bit much for a simple blog post, but I put it forward anyway - perhaps the notion will resonate for you). Anyway, the passage:

Consider our little friend here. . . . Most birds were created to fly. Being grounded for them is a limitation within their ability to fly, not the other way around. . . . You, on the other hand, were created to be loved. So for you to live as if you were unloved is a limitation, not the other way around.

Now that's really quite profound. Indeed, it's pretty hard to look at a nursery full of new born babies, and pick out the ones that don't want to be loved, or who don't want to be loving for that matter.

Again, it's beyond the scope of a simple blog post to fully develop this theme, so perhaps you will grant me the benefit of a simple assertion: most people would prefer to experience loving and to be loved over just about any other qualitative experience in life.

My work with thousands of people over the years suggests that just about every human communication comes from a context of loving and caring, however twisted that expression might seem to some.

Here's a simple example: have you ever been angry? Of course you have. Have you ever been angry about something you don't care about?

Caution! This could be a trick question for some. If you do not care, then you just don't care. In the absence of caring, it's pretty hard to get angry. Why? Because you just don't care.

With that in mind, have you ever encountered someone who was boiling over angry about something? Can you imagine bumping into someone who was boiling over angry and approaching them, rather than backing off? How about approaching the angry person with something like this: "I didn't realize you cared so much." How wonderful! How can I help?

In my own life, I have experienced considerable anger. Sometimes I have been angry about how someone treated me, sometimes about how someone else ignored me, and sometimes about how someone treated someone else. My life began to transform when I discovered just how twisted my own angry approach to experiencing life had become.

Back in the 1960's and 1970's, I was involved in all manner of protests - civil rights, peace, equal access, etc. One day, on a protest line, I wound up getting hit by a tear gas canister. As I picked it up and started to throw it back, I suddenly, and inexplicably, found myself looking back at myself, as though I were a spectator to my own activity. And then I heard myself screaming, "why don't you a**holes love us?"

As wave after wave of awareness broke over me, I saw the contradiction of my life to that point: my message was love and peace, and my strategy was to yell, scream and throw things.

Admittedly, I am far from living my life as lovingly as I might like, and yet the awareness that my life is about loving and caring has remained with me all these years. Sometimes, I live out the loving and caring directly, sometimes I still revert to the angry expressions, and sometimes I just seem to go numb.

How about you? Anything like this ever happen to you? Do you ever get twisted up in your knickers over something you care deeply about? If so, have you ever found yourself losing the very thing you were seeking because of your approach - kind of like the yell, scream and throw things approach to a more loving and peaceful life?

My spiritual mentor once shared a profound, if someone crude, simile with me. I'll clean it up a bit here, but you'll get the idea. He said, "Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity."

Well there you go. Or at least, there I go. Somehow, the idea that I need to struggle through life, fighting to produce the peace that I prefer, stays with me - a key life lesson if ever there were one. The lovely inspiration of The Shack enabled me to see another aspect of myself, the part that can deny or shut off the very experience I am seeking. Perhaps you do something similar?

That's a bit about what's behind these articles. I write because I think the ideas are not only worth sharing, but actually fundamental to living a more loving, caring and peaceful life. I think they are also fundamental to making a real, meaningful difference in the world.

When I get into my altruistic self, I imagine a world characterized by loving and caring, one in which we each understood that the other needs the same things that we do, and that we could each rise to the need in others by recognizing that we each contribute to the well being of one another.

(If that last sentence begs for more development, I understand. Perhaps a simple idea here will suffice for the moment and we can work on it in greater depth in future posts: if I am experiencing anger, upset and judgment, for example, what am I contributing to the world? To other people? Even to my friends and family? If, instead, I come with loving, caring and an aura of peace, am I not contributing something of value to the world, to other people, and to my friends and family.)

Here's a fundamental question that might be interesting to explore: would you like to be loved?

If so, have you considered being more loving?

A good friend, Terry Tillman, once shared with me another bit of profound wisdom, this time having to do with the old question about whether the ends justify the means. Terry framed the question in a very different context when he said something to the effect, "if you truly understood the ends, you would realize that the ends are the means as well."

Wow! If the ends are loving and caring, how about being more loving and caring? If the ends are about peace and harmony, how about being more peaceful and harmonious?

Even if no one else reciprocates, at least each day that I am even a little bit more loving and caring in my approach, a bit more peaceful and harmonious, then that day produces more of what I truly seek: loving and caring, peace and harmony.

Have a loving, caring and peace-filled day.

Please do leave a comment below or drop me an email with your thoughts, suggestions or requests for future areas of focus.

***

Russell Bishop is an Educational Psychologist, professional life coach and management consultant, based in Santa Barbara California. You can find out more about Russell at http://www.lessonsinthekeyoflife.com. Contact Russell by email at: Russell (at) lessonsinthekeyoflife.com

Daphne Oz: Finding My Mentor, Mr. Carpenter

2009-12-18T10:49:30Z

I wonder if this is a widespread condition, or prevalent only in the unique sample I have encountered, but it seems that youths today do not respect their elders. I don't mean that in the "don't talk back to your mother!" way. I mean it in the "we think we have it all figured out" way. The most ironic part is how few of us really do -- and how terrified we are of the uncertain journey that will (hopefully) one day endow us with this knowledge of self and surroundings.

Whether because of the Internet and our resulting facile access to (other people's) knowledge; or because we have not struggled the way previous American youths have, and therefore do not recognize the power of learning from others' mistakes; or perhaps because we were born at a time when children came to be central to the home, prized in their very existence, we do not strive to emulate anyone, and we underestimate the importance of actually aspiring to be something more, something great. This desire for growth, and what growth will fully entail -- pain, sorrow, and great joy for those lives that are lived fully -- is missing, and we are content with ourselves as we are. In any case, there seems to be a profound disregard for the value of a "mentor".

And yet sometimes, despite the fact that we might not want (or didn't know we needed) a guide to help us traverse this one, great life, a mentor lands smack in front of us, and we have no choice but to stand up and take notice.

This was the happy circumstance that brought me to Edmund N. Carpenter, II. A decorated war hero, a celebrated trial attorney, a commensurate gentleman. Sound like your average Joe? He was not.

I sat down in Mr. Carpenter's study in Wilmington, DE as a high school senior, nervously fiddling with the ancient texts he had lying around his bounteous library, patting the bronze head of a statuette of the Princeton tiger that jealously guards the entrance to Nassau Hall (a tribute to Mr. Carpenter's service to his alma mater, and a copy of which I would come to own upon my own graduation).

Mr. Carpenter sat across from me and surveyed me with bright blue eyes: they were not harsh, or cutting, the way so many blue eyes are. They were serene, contemplative, discerning, and kind. He chatted with me for well over three hours about my ambitions, my aspirations, my ideals. He was so intensely curious! At eighty years old, he had not tired of asking the seemingly superficial questions that sometimes lead you to much greater discovery.

Somewhere near the middle of our conversation, he asked me who I wanted to be like, and I was stumped. I had never thought about wanting to be anyone other than who I was; not in earnest, anyway. There were, of course, people I admired. But in terms of finding the perfect human model in whose cast I would like to be wrought -- what was the point? This taught him something very important about me: that I was young, and naïve, and still had a great deal to learn about myself and the world. But it taught me something much more important: that Mr. Carpenter was someone worth being, and that I wanted very badly to be just like him.

Besides his incomparable intelligence and disproportionate modesty, there was his grace, his gentility, his "Old World Class", as his dear friend and colleague Hon. Thomas L. Ambro summarized. Yes, he was the recipient of the Bronze Star for service in World War II. Yes, he was the President of the Delaware State Bar Association and the American Judicature Society. Yes, he was awarded countless awards to befit a man of his great dedication and service to all that he undertook. But his greatest contributions were often silent and anonymous, unbeknownst to those who would have wanted to honor him publicly... and this was just the way he liked it.

Over the relatively short five years I knew Mr. Carpenter, I felt I came to learn a great deal about him in as quiet a way as one can. He was not a "lesson-giver". Whatever he taught those he interacted with -- and it was a great deal -- we learned by observing the example of this "silent prince". In my own experience, our every interaction was marked by some striking quality that compelled me to recognize precisely what a force for good I was encountering. He was a prime example of what great men of past generations were like, and affirmed what a tremendous loss it would be if such a rare breed were to become extinct. Especially if these figures were willing to give of themselves, to serve as mentors to a younger generation, to take interest in the trajectory of our futures, it would be a great waste to forgo such an opportunity to learn from the masters.

To answer the question of "why me" as the mouthpiece to bring Mr. Carpenter's legacy to the pages of the Huffington Post, I'd like to respond with "why not?" There were so many statesmen -- the aforementioned Hon. Ambro, and Vice-President Joe Biden, among them -- who could have spoken to long and fascinating friendships with this man. His family could have attested to the unwavering quality of his person, day in and day out.

But I believe my experience of him was something quite unique. These friends met and were influenced by him in adulthood, and his family had the great privilege of knowing him up-close and intimately, but were perhaps unfamiliar with his effect on people who only knew him in brief. I encountered Mr. Carpenter during perhaps the most transformative years of my life, and I believe his effect on me has been that much more fundamental. At his core, Mr. Carpenter was the dynamic pairing of earnest, childlike curiosity with unwavering generosity and strength. His zest for life was something quite extraordinary, and this joy, even after his many long years on this earth, is what I want most to emulate.

In closing, I would like to share an excerpt from an essay Mr. Carpenter wrote as a 17-year-old in 1938 entitled "Before I Die." The essay, read by his daughter, Lea Carpenter, at Mr. Carpenter's memorial service, is profound in its combination of optimism and finality. He himself remarked in the opening paragraph:

"It may seem very strange to the reader that one of my tender age should already be thinking about that inevitable end to which even the paths of glory lead. However, this essay is not really concerned with death, but rather with life, my future life. I have set down here the things which I, at this age, believe essential to happiness and complete enjoyment of life."

As a high school senior -- nearly 60 years before I first sat in his study at the same point in my own life -- Mr. Carpenter had taken the time to set down and evaluate those premises he found crucial to a full and happy life. Among these critical elements, he counted: a truly great accomplishment, of which he could be rightfully proud; to have brought great happiness to others; to have traveled and seen a great portion of the globe, and to have gained an understanding of the way of life in those countries; and to have experienced a great love. But perhaps the most startling, of his primary wishes, and the one to which I hope we will all pay some attention, is unlike anything I can imagine someone wishing upon himself (an observation Mr. Carpenter anticipated). In his own words:

"Before I die I want to feel a great sorrow. This, perhaps, of all my wishes will seem the strangest to the reader. Yet, is it unusual that I should wish to have had a complete life? I want to have lived fully, and certainly sorrow is a part of life. It is my belief that, as in the case of love, no man has lived until he has felt sorrow. It molds us and teaches us that there is a far deeper significance to life than might be supposed if one passed through this world forever happy and carefree. Moreover, once the pangs of sorrow have slackened, for I do not believe it to be a permanent emotion, its dregs often leave us a better knowledge of this world of ours and a better understanding of humanity. Yes, strange as it may seem, I really want to feel a great sorrow."

Indeed, Mr. Carpenter accomplished all that he set out to do. And is it any surprise? An avid adherent of the military's six "P"s -- Prior Proper Planning Prevents Poor Performance -- he set goals for himself from the very beginning, prioritized those things in his life that were most important to achieve, and fulfilled his life's ambitions with great aplomb. What must be noted is how few of these goals dealt with monetary gain or public recognition. What he wanted most centered around emotional and social connection, self-knowledge, and personal experience. These are things we can all seek in our own lives.

At the close of Mr. Carpenter's adulthood, and the beginning of mine, our paths intersected and I was fortunate -- more fortunate than I could possibly have known at the time-- to encounter this incredible man. Hearing this essay (the full text of which will be read and discussed by his wife, Carroll Carpenter, and daughter Lea on today's airing of The Dr Oz Show on the Oprah Radio Channel of Sirius XM Satellite Radio) as a new college grad, once again affirmed for me what a good and wise gentleman he was, but it also arrested me in the idea that, as a 17-year-old, he had already accrued so much depth and foresight. It struck me that I needed to be considering these things as I embarked on my own journey towards death. Especially if I wanted to accomplish even half of what he had during his time on this earth, it was not enough to be content with having known him: I needed to learn from his example. He is my mentor, now as ever.

As I prepared to write this article, Lea Carpenter was kind enough to share her own unique perspective:

"[My father] found a way to find meaning in his life, and that meaning meant striving for things he felt were important. He set goals, and he accomplished them. And he did all this while practicing a ruthless, unique humility. And while being an extraordinary father. For him it was never about power, or money, it was about making a difference -- from saving a life, to protecting the most helpless members of our society."

The fact that I am still struggling with my life direction -- even after finding such an incredible mentor -- is, I think, a good thing. It is all part of life's adventure, as Mr. Carpenter would have said (he was ever benevolent, almost indulgent, as youth made small grasps at much greater truths one must assume he was already familiar with). He would have been thrilled to know that, after hearing his high school essay, we each asked ourselves: what do we strive for in life? He would have answered us: What is important.

Frustrating as this answer might have been for those seeking hand-holding, it is the only response that truly applies to one and all. Mentoring is not about getting the answer-key to life. It is about having the guidance of a sage teacher to light the path. As we look towards the new year and a new decade, so much awaits us, especially if we take the time to set ambitious, aspirational goals. Mr. Carpenter, by virtue of his own, incredibly full life, was uniquely suited to lead by example, to teach with love, and to inspire us all to embrace the possibilities life holds in store.

Bob Wells: Disillusionment And The 'Knowledge Economy'

2009-12-17T14:45:47Z

First came a phone call, early on a Monday. One of our friends -- I'll call him S -- had been missing for three days. Within hours, another phone call: the police had found him dead in his car, all signs pointing to suicide.

How he did it (fairly gruesomely) is not material here. The point I'll focus on here was that he was a highly gifted marketing copywriter. He'd been recently laid off by a big telecom company, a place where for several years he'd been well paid, but where the mood had darkened lately as wave after wave of layoffs swept through the place. The office politics had grown increasingly cutthroat, he said. But you didn't dare try to be above it all because you had to stay in the fray and fight to protect your job.

Now, S had other issues -- for one, he was gay and recently unlucky in love. And, besides, is it ever terribly easy to fathom what ultimately drives a person to suicide? He had legions of friends and admirers, a loving family. A video at his memorial service showed him in a myriad of happy venues, surrounded by loved ones, always with a huge and winning smile.

For me, S's death has become an example of (or at least a metaphor for) the pained existence of the growing number of people I know and hear about who could be classed professionally as Knowledge Workers. Remember that term? We Americans were all going to become Knowledge Workers -- manipulators of information -- while lowly tasks like manufacturing went offshore. We, with our ability to massage words and symbols, thus adding to their value, would be at the pyramid's peak of human productivity.

Yet here they are -- well, here we are. A veteran book editor lives in poverty near Mendocino because she's competing against editors in Asia who will work for tiny sums. A Boulder woman in her 50s who ran a highly successful advertising agency asks, "Will I ever work again?" A business reporter I'd managed at the Boulder Daily Camera, who had researched and written stories for me so beautiful I almost cried, now scratches around for substitute teaching jobs. A Boulder videographer who's made award-winning documentaries makes the rounds of design firms looking for any small video shoots. Highly educated and formerly successful Knowledge Workers all, and all struggling today.

What went wrong?

We know how computers ripped through companies, obsoleting armies of secretaries and bookkeepers, then middle managers. Add to the mix a nasty recession, and the layoffs then spread into "upper" managers. For many of my friends, there's also the age factor: growing legions of twenty-somethings who may not be good writers, but who assure you they can "write for search engines."

I think it's been Google and the Internet that are really wiping out the reporters, editors and videographers. Let me explain why.

During a recent podcast discussion of Rupert Murdoch's attempts to persuade Google to pay him in order to index content from his publications, someone pointed out that Google's not likely to give in. The reason is that, while the content in Murdoch's properties may be good, there's almost always another provider who's content kind of gets the job done. If the Wall Street Journal story's not available, Reuters, Bloomberg and the AP are waiting in the wings.

For today's information-seeker, the perception is one of an essentially limitless supply of good (or certainly adequate) and free content. If the content's not readily available from a publication, podcast or on-demand video, a quick Google search will probably yield content that's at least perceived as coming direct from the source, "unmediated" by publishers and their ilk. What's changed is what economists call liquidity -- the way in which search engines and intelligent aggregators can match up the best of that content with the wants and needs of individual information consumers.

This perception of limitless quantities of free content is enhanced by the role of the aggregators, which display the latest indexed and/or "crowdsourced" stories, pictures, audios and videos. Services like Alltop and Feedly aggregate across broad topic ranges. Others focus in on narrower topics or points of view, one of my favorites being the left-leaning political aggregator commondreams.org. Sites like Huffington Post and Daily Beast mix in original content with their powerful aggregating abilities. Bloggers and podcasters pore over all this info-flow, often adding very useful (and entertaining) opinion and analysis. All in all, our cup of content runneth over.

In such a media environment, the scarce commodity becomes not content but the consumer's time. We breeze through these content-rich sites -- so little time, so much to do! We tell ourselves "gee, that's an important story," but we have scarcely time to scan all the "important" headlines. Web development firms and their clients all eventually settle on the overriding importance of clean design and verbal brevity. Their mantra: "People don't read long text."

When "information liquidity" makes it easy for people to find the best of all that Internet content, demand for those who would create even more content declines. I have a feeling this has much to do with why my Knowledge Worker friends are having such a hard time.

An ultimate irony. My friend learned how to commit suicide -- guess where? After he'd died, they found the instructions (recipes for a witch's brew of toxic chemicals) on his computer. From the Internet. Some information, it seems, is all too readily available.

William Horden: Inner Activism: Three Tricks For A Happier New Year

2009-12-17T12:29:00Z

Change and change for the better are two different things.
--German Proverb

A teacher of mine once asked me, "If you were locked away in a prison, would you be able to find inner freedom?"

Like most people I know would, I answered, "Yes, I'm certain that is achievable."

"Well, here you are, free to roam the whole world and choose between all these alternatives before you," he replied. "Why don't you believe inner freedom is achievable right now?"

Teachers can be so tricky. They've already walked the road we're on. They already know the steps we're taking. They know how to use our own habits of thought to change the way we think.

What is the inner freedom I would hope to attain were I in prison? First and foremost, I think it would have something to do with maintaining my sense of purpose despite the intensity of my surroundings--adapting to my surroundings without losing my intrinsic sense of self in the mix of physical restriction and social interaction.

I would hope, in other words, to think freely, feel freely, and react freely, regardless of either the intensity or the restrictions in my surroundings. The same thing, of course, that I hope for in the day-to-day life I enjoy currently.

The question is, Can I find inner freedom despite enjoying outer freedom?

The reverse side also has a reverse side.--Japanese Proverb

The Winter Solstice is upon us. The darkest days of the year are about to lighten again. We join together to celebrate the ending of one year and the beginning of the next. It's a time of impending rebirth. Even in these Arctic blasts of winter, there is the scent of Spring. In a time of shared hardship, there is the aura of hope. We are at the turning point of the year, the symbolic moment of starting over.

How to really start over? Or perhaps the question is, Can I really start over if I simply continue doing the same things in the same way that I've been doing them?

Most of us spend most of our time thinking the same thoughts, feeling the same feelings, and reacting with the same reactions, over and over, day in and day out, year in and year out. We live our lives in "Review," replaying our thoughts and feelings out of habit rather than creating new thoughts and experiencing new feelings by reacting to events with a spontaneous and experimental approach to life.

Setting goals for the coming year is all well and good but our resolutions tend to reflect our desire to change outer habits or achieve outer objectives. As an alternative, "Previewing" the year-to-come means envisioning the inner qualities we are going to develop and enjoy--qualities that will make us more adaptable, more successful, and happier.

Here are three ways we can change the thoughts, feelings, and reactions standing between us and inner freedom--

The universe is made up of stories, not atoms.--Muriel Ruckeyser

1. Make New Mistakes! This is one of the most powerful approaches to success. There's no shame in making mistakes. But doing the same thing over and over despite the fact that it isn't working? That we should take a hard look at. Make New Mistakes means that we do not have to come up with something perfect--if it turns out to be a mistake then we correct it. And correct that one, if need be. This approach solves two common problems. First, it cuts us loose of thinking we should keep doing what we've been doing, especially when it can be seen to not be getting us where we wish to go. Second, it short-circuits "analysis paralysis," the tendency many of us suffer from that drives us to put off a decision until we've analyzed every possible outcome of every possible alternative, all out of a fear of making mistakes. Planes spend most of their time off-course, so their pilots just keep making mid-course corrections. Your car is nearly always heading out of its lane, so you are constantly making the micro-adjustments to keep it in its lane. Make New Mistakes and your life will be richer, fuller of color and excitement, less frustrating and anxious, more creative and beneficial to others.

Language is a tailor's shop where nothing fits.--Rumi

2. Enough! The things we say to ourselves generate our feelings and when these become habits, we start building up a pattern of predictable reactions to our surroundings. If I tell myself I am not good enough, then I feel unworthy, and so I approach each new moment already leaning into it with that feeling, already prepared to respond from that place. It is this leaning into the moment that is most telling, since it stands between us and a spontaneous response to things around us. Predictability is the opposite of creativity. Habit is the opposite of peak performance. Enough! is a technique for interrupting the self-defeating thoughts and feelings that have become habits. Pay close attention to your stream of consciousness and whenever such thoughts arise, cut them off by saying to yourself Enough! over and over, not following the thought to its end. Instead of thinking that your thoughts are you, see them as habits that have been fossilized in the neural pathways of your brain. Don't reinforce them further by following them as you have a million times already. Don't reinforce them by arguing with them or feeling bad for thinking them again. Just cut them off as soon as they start and that will become the new habit: a quiet place of the kind of peace of mind that acts as the womb of creative, self-constructive thoughts and feelings.

At the moment you are most in awe of all there is about life that you don't understand, you are closer to understanding it all than at any other time.--Jane Wagner

3. Surprise Yourself! Look at the world not as a "created" thing but as a "creating" thing, a Whole that wants the best for you and all others at the same time. See it as completely new every moment and approach it with a sense of wonder, for even though we often forget it, we are always standing on the edge of the world, gazing out into the infinitude of space. Our five senses cannot take it all in. So much is clouded by mystery. The magic and perfection of the world cannot be intellectually grasped, no more than the sea can be swallowed in a single gulp. But when we open our hearts to the sheer impossibility of it all existing--and of our being here to experience it--then it is impossible to respond with anything but awe. See yourself not as created but creating: think surprising thoughts, feel surprising feelings, react with surprising reactions. Surprise Yourself and you will resolve long-standing problems, find new avenues of success, and add to others' lives in ways that enrich your own.

Leap into the Beyond and make it your home!--Chuang Tzu

The year in preview looks nothing like the year in review. Because it is not our surroundings that change but the way we experience them and contribute to them. And it is not just change we are personifying but change for the better.

Blessings for the coming year! See you there!

The Toltec I Ching, by Martha Ramirez-Oropeza and William Douglas Horden has just been released by Larson Publications. It recasts the I Ching in the symbology of the Native Americans of ancient Mexico and includes original illustrations interpreting each of the hexagrams. Its subtitle, 64 Keys to Inspired Action in the New World hints at its focus on the ethics of the emerging world culture.

Donna Henes: Winter Solstice: Baby, It's Dark Outside

2009-12-17T11:51:36Z

This, the week leading up to the Winter Solstice on December 21 is the darkest time of the year. True, the week following the solstice is just as dark, but the energy is different. After the solstice, the dark gets a tiny bit lighter each day as we in the Northern Hemisphere inch toward spring. But now, pre-solstice, we are spinning further and further into the darkest of the dark.

The Winter Solstice is as dark as it gets. The sun has been steadily retreating ever since the Summer Solstice, the height of the light. Tip toeing slowly, silently away, minute by minute every day. The decrease, so gradual that we barely notice the almost imperceptible shift, the subtle loss, until there is no longer denying it. It is most definitely darker, and darker still.

The rays of light have become ever more indirect. They skim by overhead at an almost horizontal angle, their energy and warmth barely reaching us below. Their glow is weak and wan, a diluted wash. Leaving us standing here in the dark. Waiting. Hoping.

It's dark. It's dismal. It's cold. It's bleak. And winter is only just about to begin. It will be long months before we can expect to smell the advance of spring in the air again. But the consolation is that even though the cold dark season is just starting, the sun will soon turn its face toward us and begin its return approach. And the light will return in its wake, increasing slowly but constantly in minute, and oh so welcome, increments.

But in the meantime it's damn dark out there. Dim and drab. The days have shriveled to a skeleton flicker of light. The frozen nights are endless. No flowers, no foliage. No insects, not many birds. Few animals out and about. Life is dormant. The earth itself is congealed with cold. Dark death and Arctic gloom surrounds us. How do we know that the sun, too, won't die, its flame of life extinguished forever? How do we know that it won't just go off and leave us forever, abandon us to the long frigid night?

Wrapped in the dark womb of the weather, it is not difficult to imagine the terrifying prospect of the permanent demise of the sun and the consequent loss of light, loss of heat. The loss of all life. Without the comfort of the familiar, dependable, predictable cyclical patterns of the cosmos, the approach of each winter with its attendant chiaroscuro would be agonizing. The tension intensified by the chill.

We know the sun will return, because it always has. And because we have, to the best of our abilities, computed that it always will (at least for the next x billion years). We can see the seasonal cycle of light and dark through the scope of thousands of years of the accumulated astronomical data -- observations, investigations, calculations and collective experience -- of many cultures. We know with fair certainty that light follows dark, day follows night, spring follows winter. We are quite confident, secure in the sure return of the faithful sun. We haven't the slightest conscious doubt.

We know that the sun and the earth travel ever together, turning, circling, spinning through space. The earth and the sun, are eternally engaged in a cosmic back-and-forth-give-and-take dosey-do dance of dark and light, day and night. A teasing lovers' tango of tantalizing seduction and rude rejection. A veritable cha-cha-cha of flirtatious come-hithers and disdainful be-gones. Of beat retreat and eventual return. An again and again samba for all seasons. An eternal waltz played in annual time.

Though my soul may set in darkness,
It will rise in perfect light,
I have loved the stars too fondly
To be fearful of the night.
- Sarah Williams

Dr. Susan Corso: The Gentle Art Of Blessing: A Simple Practice That Will Transform You And Your World By Pierre Pradervand

2009-12-17T11:36:23Z

So many books, so little time. I know, I know, we're all too busy, but this gem of a book, The Gentle Art of Blessing: A Simple Practice That Will Transform You and Your World by Pierre Pradervand is worth every speck of time it will take you to read it. Blessing genuinely makes the world go 'round.

Mr. Pradervand has a rich past of personal development and social justice. His anecdotes come from nearly every continent. The book started as a small collection of words on blessing that the author passed around to friends, family and acquaintances. Eventually, it was published in French and later in English. I am very grateful that Cynthia Black, Editor in Chief of Beyond Words Publishing paid attention when someone told her about it.

This book could revolutionize our world.

So, what exactly is blessing? "By blessing, I mean wishing from the bottom of the heart, in total sincerity, the very best for those people--their complete fulfillment and complete happiness." The key is, of course, total sincerity. Eventually, what starts as an act of will (especially if one is blessing those who have hurt one) becomes an act of the heart.

Here are some of the ideas in Mr. Pradervand's original tract:

On awakening, bless this day ...
On passing people in the street, on the bus, in places of work and play, bless them ...
On meeting people and talking to them, bless them ...
As you walk, bless the city ...

Blessing, dear one, is a form of giving. Giving is a form of service. Service is what each life is ultimately about.

Pradervand makes a scrumptious point: "It is impossible to bless and judge at the same time. So hold constantly as a deep, hallowed, intoned thought, the desire to bless, for truly then shall you become a peacemaker, and one day you shall behold, everywhere, the very face of God."

Even if you don't, the occupation of the rip-roaring human mind in blessing is far more effective and fun if we'll use it in blessing rather than in judging. The great Rabbi of Nazareth promised that we would be judged if we judge. We've seen it time and time again.

His original pamphlet ended with "P. S. And of course, above all, do not forget to bless the utterly beautiful person you are."

The rest of the book details spiritual laws which are supported by blessing, and is valuable because it proves how blessing works. Most of those on a spiritual path will not need the proof, but for those who are not, the proofs are there in black and white.

As a spiritual alignment consultant, the question I am asked nearly daily usually begins, "Yes, but how can I practice ... (whatever we have agreed is a good idea)?" Blessing is a universally effective spiritual practice. Bless yourself, your family, your friends, and strangers. It will accrue only to your well, ... blessing.

I am blessed to be able to recommend without reservation Pierre Pradervand's The Gentle Art of Blessing. Practice blessing for 21 days. You'll never stop.

Gentle blessings upon you and yours in this season of light. May you welcome All Peace.

For spiritual nourishment, visit Dr. Susan Corso's website and blog, Seeds for Sanctuary. Follow her on Twitter @PeaceCorso and Friend her on Facebook.

Alex Pattakos: Good-Bye 2009: Reflecting On Meaningful Values And Goals

2009-12-17T10:38:25Z

As we approach the end of the year, it is a good time to reflect upon the meaning of our lives and work, as well as focus on the things and people who really matter the most to us. Of course, there are many folks who just want to put 2009 behind them with a "good riddance" sigh of relief. Let's face it, it has been a very difficult, challenging year -- one that we'd probably like to forget. The economic climate proved to be more of a perfect storm. Like a tsunami, it generated monstrous waves that were intent on destroying anything in their path. And economic concerns were not the only source of turbulence, fear, and insecurity during the year. In this regard, I'm sure that the mass media's "end of the year" reviews will provide many other examples of why 2009 is a year that deserves to be forgotten.

No matter how "bad" the year may have been there is always opportunity to view it through a meaning-centered lens. And by so doing, the year gone-by offers us reason to engage in some deeper soul-searching, guidance in advancing our personal growth and development, and a platform for planning a positive future. Reflecting on what really matters, i.e., (re)discovering and authentically (re)committing to the meaningful values and goals that ultimately drive and sustain us, is a healthy process--one that helps to define and differentiate our very "humanness." What better a time for such self-reflection and meaning analysis, then when we experience the end of one year and beginning of another?

It is also meaningful to look back on life and work to see where you were, what has changed, and also what appears to have stayed the same. Some years ago, for example, I wrote an article in the Journal for Quality and Participation called "Reflections of a (re)evolutionary." In this article I wrote the following about my own life:

Time and experience certainly tend to influence what seems worth having and doing. In my case, however, these influences have been tempered by the fact that I have maintained over my adult life a set of core values or principles to guide my thoughts and actions. In effect, these values, which have manifested themselves in different ways over the years, comprise the foundation of my character and emanate from the essence of my very being--my soul, if you will. It is as if my growth and learning have spiraled higher and higher over time above the very same point. With the experience of being able to view oneself from a distance, I can now "see" more clearly the contours of my life's journey, with all of its zigs and zags, in some orderly fashion.

This said, my "worth ethic" has always centered on the notion of service, especially public service. More than 20 years ago, I was committing to causes greater than myself. To be of service to others, especially to those less fortunate than I, became a "calling"; and the opportunity to challenge the status quo, no matter how much conflict was involved, became a quest worth doing. From participating in the anti-war effort during the Vietnam era to helping to fight the "war on poverty" in the inner cities and rural areas of America, my notion of "worthiness" revolved more around the doing or experiencing of something of value than it did the having. Driven by a core value in which self-fulfillment was always more important than material success, I found myself submerged deeply in what Professor Peter Vaill has termed the "permanent whitewater" of change. Indeed, I eventually learned, oftentimes the hard way, that you can change without growing but you cannot grow without changing.

Since writing this piece some fifteen years ago, I recognize that the "permanent whitewater" of change has been ever-present (I must thank both my dear friend and colleague, Peter Vaill, who coined the term, and the Greek philosopher, Heraclitus, for helping me to understand this fact of life). One reaffirming experience that has deepened the meaning of this earlier message came when my book, Prisoners of Our Thoughts, was published. It started what has effectively become for me a "meaning ministry" that reaches out across the world, one meaning-full experience and opportunity at a time. As I have mentioned often here, it is a book based on the wisdom of my mentor and teacher, Dr. Viktor Frankl, world-renown psychiatrist, Holocaust survivor, and author of the classic bestseller, Man's Search for Meaning. Again, I realize that much has changed in this discovery of deeper meaning and purpose in my life through my connection to Frank's meaning-focused message and legacy, and much has stayed the same.

Over the years, I have been able to reaffirm over and over again, like I wrote in the above-mentioned article, that my growth and learning have spiraled higher and higher over time above the very same point. From this vantage point, I believe that it is the authentic commitment to meaningful values and goals (i.e., will to meaning) that has enabled me to navigate, as well as discover the seeds of meaning within, the permanent whitewater of change around me. Who knows, perhaps this is what is meant by the notion of the "path to enlightenment!"

As I travel the world carrying my message of meaning to and for others, I find myself reflecting upon and learning about my own life in meaningful ways as well. In Prisoners of Our Thoughts, I quote something from Dr. Frankl that is relevant to this very point: "I wish to stress that the true meaning of life is to be discovered in the world rather than within man or his own psyche, as though it were a closed system." Put differently, there is a humanistic concept advanced in South Africa called "UBUNTU" in the Zulu language. UBUNTU can be translated roughly into English as "A person is only a person through other persons." Moreover, UBUNTU is not about relationships per se; rather, it is about human-ness and how only human beings can truly establish the human-ness of others (that is, our human-ness can only be truly expressed as a "reflection" of others). In the context of Viktor Frankl's humanistic and existential philosophy, we must be able to extend beyond ourselves so that we can fulfill or realize more of ourselves.

Reflecting again on my article in the Journal for Quality and Participation, this is what I meant by having a "set of core values or principles to guide my thoughts and actions." In the midst of the permanent whitewater that surrounds us all, ultimately, it is our will to meaning that guides us through the rapids of life and enables our learning and growth to light the way. And while this may not appear to be a "revolutionary" concept, because it happens continuously over our lifetimes, it is (re)evolutionary!

So, now, ask yourself: As you travel through the permanent whitewater that is your life, what set of core values or principles would you say guides your thoughts and actions? Furthermore, how are you applying the concept of UBUNTU so that you can fulfill and realize more of yourself along the way?

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You can find out more about Dr. Alex Pattakos, author of Prisoners of Our Thoughts, in his HuffPost Bio and at http://www.prisonersofourthoughts.com. You can contact Alex, who is working on a new book on living a meaningful life inspired by Greek culture, at: alex@prisonersofourthoughts.com.

Dr. Cara Barker: What Palin, Shatner, And Miss Jasmine Have To Teach Us This Season

2009-12-16T17:21:00Z

"I'm bogged down," 60-year-old Sam said with a sigh, as he sank into the easy chair, beside the hearth. A psychiatrist of some renown, Sam admits the events of this year are "getting" to him. "You know, as a 'shrink,' people don't think much about the fact that there are days people's stories are just too heavy. They're worse than the news! I didn't realize how much it's getting to me until I started your 21 day Challenge. ("What Would Jesus and the Dalai Lama Say to Tiger Woods and Mike Huckabee") It doesn't help that my wife's been pretty low, lately. Our daughter's giving her the silent treatment for Christmas, which doesn't help. Tiger's not the only one with problems. Maybe we should pipe Prozac into our water supply." With this, Sam cracks a little smile.

New Forms, Old Process. Despite the news avalanche surrounding Tiger Woods, he's not the only one standing on shaky ground. It is, however, the unexpected places that lead us to the real.

"The only time we ever know what's really going on is when the rug is pulled out and we can't find anywhere to land."
Pema Chodron

Our evolution toward authenticity takes leaps of faith. The challenge, like Sam's, is that we don't magically pop from darkness to the Light, the reconnected, without 'due process.' Perhaps this is what fascinates the public about debacles like Tiger's. Public fascination with the later is akin to our fascination with road-kill. On bad days, it seems 'we' cannot help ourselves but stare. Ed and Deb Shapiro put it this way in their recent best-seller, Be the Change: "...the mind is not always so ready to be still, it craves entertainment..." (p. 271).

We are drawn to the shadow-lands. Whenever there's a well-manicured persona getting confronted with a less-than-stellar secret life, the tension of opposites becomes grist for the storytelling mill. We pay prices for splitting. The downfall of heroes returns us to archetypal roots. Think Job, and before him, Osiris. Dismemberment precedes new growth. In the Osiris myth, the dismemberment was literal, whereas Job's came as plagues, disappointments. Whatever form it takes, be it, a child/mate/in-law/family member/friend giving us the 'silent treatment,' it is easy to lose sight that even this is part of the unavoidable process of both expanding our awareness and rewriting our connections and contributions as authentic creatures.

A Welcome Relief. Enter William Shatner and Sarah Palin. In the airing of Shatner's reading of Sarah's Going Rogue, ala Robert Bly style, and Ms. Palin's unexpected response, we are reminded that humor lives. And, why not? Both Shatner and Palin have traveled the frontier, the former, as Captain Kirk in "Star Trek", and Sarah, well, from the back porch of her home in Alaska. More recently, they are on a new trek that works through humor. Although their perspective differs, they performance connects us with something in short supply these days: a lightness of being. Taking ourselves too seriously, too much, is highly over-rated. In his interview with Ed and Deb Shapiro's Be the Change, Jack Kornfield puts it this way:

...we mistreat one another because we think of ourselves as separate beings; feeling separated from others gives rise to fear, confusion, self-protection, grasping, anger and aggression. These are all born out of ignorance and ...forgetting our interdependence in the Web of life." (p. 185)

A Search for the Lighter Side

Yes, Virginia, it is possible to restore some Lightness to the equation. Throughout the world, people of all cultures celebrate their gravitational struggle through the darkness, as they reconnect with the imperative of light, hope, community. To name but four: Hanukkah celebrates the restoration of Light, from a period of struggle. Christianity rejoices in the star's pronouncement of the eternal return of birthing Christ consciousness. Those into Winter Solstice, rejoice in the Eternal Return of Light in the darkness. And Kwanzaa celebrates deep connection through family and communal celebration of love. It doesn't get much better than this. Unless, that is, we find it in the everyday, which is the point.

Using the Everyday to Recover Your Connection with the Beauty of the Season. Examples of loving, touching connection abound. What uplifts our Spirit, and nourishes our Soul, can be found every single day. Witness the Circle of Love around one Miss Jasmine Snow. Each week since her birth nearly three months ago, a community gathers around Jasmine to 'love her up.' Although I did not know this sprite-like sweetie pie by name until two weeks ago, I could not resist what's been happening around her. Here, on new frontier, Miss Jasmine has been steadily evolving into quite the beauty. She does so in the arms of her mother, Rebecca, her grandma Michelle, and grandmother figure, Gwen. When mama is pooped, one of the elders slips into place, cradles little Jasmine, stroking her head, and showering baby with non-stop, heart-warming stroking, cooing, smiling, holding, bonding and attachment at their best within this Web of Life. Here, it's the easiest thing in the world to remember we're all one: Jasmine allows us to slip down into her eyes without pretence: dark blue watery pools of pure beauty and light that would restore a heart made of brick. No small wonder she neither cries nor fusses. Through this new life, we can't help but remember 'all's well.' Now, just imagine, what might the world be like if each of us not only gave this experience, but received love like this, as well? What if we chose to end the cold war with those who are at odds with us, and 'give it a rest?' It's the season, after all.

Four Fail-proof Measures You Can Take to Restore Your Spirit.

1. Invite a buddy to watch a few comedies with you this week. Humor has a healing effect on our physiology. Norman Cousin's classic, An Anatomy of an Illness, points out, in poignant ways, the imperative of restoring humor as a healing adjunct.

2. Find and Study the Ways of Baby Love, applying them to the 'you' that feels
bogged down. Visit with someone that 'holds' you in positive reflection. If
your inventory of such people is too low, start by reflecting a positive
glance to everyone you see today, known to you, or not. What goes around,
comes around.

3. Identify someone that nourishes your Spirit. Let them know. Consider tithing some form of 'payment' to them, as a means of acknowledging, in concrete terms, that they are an invaluable source of treasure for you. If you are willing, send them a check, with the message that you are gifting them the funds as recognition of their importance in your life. A heartfelt letter would be great.

4. Write down the part of your own story that's been bogging you down, and give it a new twist. Think back to the Shatner/Palin renditions. Read yours aloud in a way that gets your humor going. Kick it up a notch: perhaps a recording of
jazz or drumming in the background? If you're stuck, play with 'singing' your
story, as if you were an opera star...anything that gets your funny-bone into gear again.

Let us hear from you. What helps you reconnect? What scenes have you noted that nourish you? Who would you like to acknowledge as a treasure in your life? What are you noticing/learning? I'm listening. Meanwhile, if you've not become a fan, and want to simplify, just press the 'fan' icon, and forward to your circle. Happy new trails! Love, Cara

Dr. Judith Rich: Winter Solstice: A Paean To The Pregnant Darkness

2009-12-16T13:18:00Z

As a child, I was afraid of the dark. I imagined all sorts of scary monsters lurking under my bed at night and saw frightening images in the shadows cast on my bedroom walls. Unconsciously, I think I must have taken some of those fears of the dark, basically the unknown, into adulthood. Perhaps you can relate?

Having spent nearly a lifetime dreading the onset of winter with its short days and long nights, I now hold this season of darkness as most sacred. Learning to honor Winter Solstice has transformed my relationship with winter and subsequently this entire season of long nights. I've gone from fearing darkness to embracing its rich possibilities where silence meets stillness and invites me to turn inward.

In the busyness of this time, with holiday parties, shopping, cooking, and rituals shared with family and friends, include time for stillness and reflection on the evening of Solstice to honor the pregnant possibilities of the dark.

With the Solstice approaching, and in the spirit of embracing its darkness, I share this replay of a post I wrote last year. May you find comfort here.

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Solstice = Standing-Still-Sun

Dec. 21st, we enter the belly of the night.

Winter Solstice: We come to the portal that separates darkness from light. Standing in this arch of time where Earth takes a breath before facing us back towards the sun, we too, take a breath, turn inward, pause in this moment of fullness and let darkness reveal its gifts.

Winter Solstice: A time to look back at the year gone by, gather its lessons and put them in the stew of your life. Time to let the heat of your presence cook the stew. Render the lessons into the sweet nectar of wisdom. Then drink of it. One-small-sip-at-a-time.

Winter Solstice: A time to let the longest night of the year seduce you into stillness. Time to silence inner voices, listen to the beating of your own heart. Time to breathe slowly, become the breath. Linger here. The night is long.

Winter Solstice: Time to savor the sweetness of the dark. Nothing to fear. It's only you. And millions of years of Earth's turning; away and then back, away and then back towards the light. It's all you. The dark, the light, the fire, the night: it's all you. You're all it. Sweet oneness, savored in the dark.

Winter Solstice: A sacred link, where Earth's veil thins, the unseen, seen. Images of ancestors and ancient roots threading back beyond time. Back to first humans, their fires still burning to call back the light. We are the ones who hold them sacred. We honor their struggles, their triumphs. We're here due to them. They gave us our blood.

Winter Solstice: A time to reflect on your life in this moment. Like never before, or ever again, reflect on this sweet, fragile moment.

Winter Solstice: A time to let go of what burdens. Empty out stones sitting heavy in the heart. Let bygones be bygones. Acknowledge. Forgive. Begin again.

Winter Solstice: A fertile time, a time to ready the womb; a time for pregnant possibility. A time to sow seeds of imagination that germinate in the darkness. A time to tend the inner hearth; be warmed by the coals of creativity.

Winter Solstice: The union of opposites. Fullness: emptying. Emptiness: filling.  The shortest day meets the longest night. Celebrate the dark. Greet the light. We've journeyed long; we've journeyed far. In summer, we rejoiced in the sun, now absent. In winter, we settle into the night, now present. We draw inward, tuck in our wings to keep warm. All flights are canceled.

Winter Solstice: A time to check inner weather and road conditions. Are you cold? Are you hot? Are you merely lukewarm? Is it stormy? Is it balmy? Are there blue skies inside? Does the road rise to meet you? Are you on shaky ground? Is it smooth? Is it rocky? Can you see where you are?

Winter Solstice: Can you be with it all, just as it is? No fighting, no trying, no pushing the river. It flows by itself, so you watch it. You notice. You see twigs and branches submerged in the stream of your life. Without effort, the water flows over, under and around it all. Nothing can stop it; it goes on forever. Like you do. Like I do. Like we do.

May you go on forever, like this most pregnant night of the year.

A brief ritual to include in your observance of Winter Solstice:

1) Set aside at least 30 minutes, preferably longer, but whatever works for you is fine.
 2) Include friends, family members, or celebrate alone if you prefer.
 3) Turn off all the lights. Settle in to the darkness.
 4) Spend time with your eyes closed, breathing slowly, watching the breath.
 5) Let your awareness settle down in your belly. Feel it fill and empty. See your  life coming and going on each inhale and exhale. Feel the strength and fragility of each  breath.
 6) There's nothing to do but let go into the dark, allow it to hold you. Feel its safety. Thoughts arise and fall. Just watch them come and go. Return to the breath.
 7) Remain in silence for several minutes after you've finished. Savor the moment.
8) At the end of 30 minutes or whenever you're complete, light some candles, build a fire, have a warm cup of tea or a hot drink of some kind and celebrate with yourself or those around you the possibilities found in the dark.

The Blessing of the newborn Sun God: 

"Out of Darkness Light is Re-born. Carry the hope of this moment like a torch in your heart through the coming year. Let it sustain you in your times of darkness, and be a symbol of blessing in your times of joy. Let Peace be with you.

Wishing you and yours a Happy Solstice! May you find peace in the night.

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Please come visit my personal blog and website, Rx For The Soul. For personal contact, you can email me at judith[@]judithrich[dot]com. I'd love to hear from you!

Blessings on the path,
Judith