How did my 8-year-old daughter start thinking along gender lines? By girl and boy categories? That there's worth in being the best girl, even if you're not better than two boys?

By: Stephanie Pappas, LiveScience Senior Writer Published: 01/22/2013 10:09 AM EST on LiveScience NEW ORLEANS — In 2011, Yale Law professor Am...

Relax, slow down, cancel the Mandarin lessons and put the parenting books back on the shelf. Use them as needed, not as gospel.

The power of the mother-daughter connection keeps catching me by surprise. I didn't know we would stare at each other for hours after she came out, I didn't know my boobs would squirt milk just thinking about her, and I certainly didn't anticipate this next round of attachment.

The urban mom is obsessed with making a science of parenting. This is healthy and completely normal. But here is where I draw the line: looking for solutions through cultural stereotyping and engaging in quasi-racist discourse under the guise of doing what's best for your child.

Maybe all the sniping and hair-splitting, the need to name every parental choice and write a book about it -- perhaps that was the storm before our social leap? Maybe the convergence of views means we might move on from parallel play to playing nicely with others?

My son is now 8 and we had a great Mother's Day this Sunday. How could this have happened? I didn't sleep with my kid or wear him in a sling. I left him with a sitter and gave him formula.

What does an "American parent" look like?

I'm no Tiger Mom. In actuality, I'm more of a Hamster Mom -- fond of delicious wedges of sleep and given to cuddling (and likely coddling) my brood in lieu of demanding perfection from them 24/7.

Whatever this American parenting thing is, it reflects choices we have made as a culture. Choices we can undo, or rethink, or adjust if we decide we've ended up someplace we'd rather not be -- but first we have to agree on where we are and where we'd prefer to be headed.

All other parents seem like they have it under control. Know what they are doing. Are even -- dare you say it -- better at this parenting thing than you are. I'm going to save you some wondering: They are.

The answer may not be to embrace French or Chinese parenting techniques, but as a society we need to examine our helter skelter approach to the American dream.

Truth is, there are a lot of things that I know are expected of me as a Mom, things I simply refuse to do. One might speculate that when you have seven children, those little motherly loving touches may fall by the wayside.

Has Tiger Mom gone soft? One year after the release of her controversial memoir, "Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother," Amy Chua is back in the spotlight,...