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Tim Mattingly

Funny Story. Just Happened. Part One.

Tim Mattingly | Posted 02.02.2014 | Comedy
Tim Mattingly

The following story is the first in a series of stories that are all completely unrelated save for the fact that they just happened to Tim Mattingly. ...

Tony the Tiger Doesn't Make Any Sense

Tim Mattingly | Posted 09.27.2013 | Comedy
Tim Mattingly

Tony is a tiger happily promoting Frosted Flakes and growling at the same time. It makes no sense.

'A Dad Is a Dude' - A Poem in Honor of Father's Day

Tim Mattingly | Posted 08.12.2013 | Comedy
Tim Mattingly

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Reality Television Might Have Just Gotten Way More Interesting

Tim Mattingly | Posted 06.30.2013 | Comedy
Tim Mattingly

This would be a whole new kind of reality show. The consequences are real. If you win, you are sent to a barren desert planet to never return. If you lose, nothing happens and you go back to living your -- wait... did I mess that up?

Can This Be the New Official Motto of Earth Day?

Tim Mattingly | Posted 06.22.2013 | Comedy
Tim Mattingly

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65 Million Reasons Why I'm Going to See Jurassic Park in Theaters

Tim Mattingly | Posted 06.02.2013 | Comedy
Tim Mattingly

Jurassic Park should have just stayed in theaters permanently. If I had been older than three in 1993, I would have run for office on that platform.

Happy 7th Birthday, Twitter

Tim Mattingly | Posted 05.20.2013 | Comedy
Tim Mattingly

On March 21, Twitter will turn seven-years-old. That's impressive. Seven years is a pretty short amount of time to become worth approximately $10 billion. When I turned seven, I was worth approximately one holographic Charizard.

My Response to a Six-Year Old Boy's Hypothetical Question

Tim Mattingly | Posted 05.18.2013 | Comedy
Tim Mattingly

I used to give guitar lessons to little kids. One day my six-year old student Sam brought the lesson to a dead halt to ask me a pressing guitar-related question. He asked, "Would you rather have an ice cream cone for a hand... or a slice of pizza for a foot?"

The Bright Side of Sequesters and Cliffs

Tim Mattingly | Posted 04.27.2013 | Comedy
Tim Mattingly

As the threat of the so-called "financial sequester" looms nearer and nearer, we should all try to look on the bright side: We are getting way better at coming up with cool names for financial crises.