It was a primal scream that went right through me and sent distress signals to my heart. My beautiful 4-year-old daughter stood up in the bathtub as though she were possessed. "Mommy, I'm supposed to be a boy. God made a mistake!" she screamed through heaving tears.

For my transgender child and thousands like him, the simple act of relieving themselves in a public restroom at their school is a source of stress, confusion, violence, endless meetings and even lawsuits, just because they identify with a gender that differs from their biology.

Nicole was 10 years old, openly attending school as a transgender girl, and Valentine's Day was right around the corner. One evening Nicole came home, and while we were preparing dinner, she announced that there was going to be a father-daughter dance at the town recreation building.

The average coming-out age has declined from 20-something in the '80s to somewhere around 16 today, and there are many who come out younger -- in some cases far younger. Both the LGBTQ community and society at large need to be thinking about how to meet these kids' needs.

Last week, after five years of struggle, pain, hard work and hope, a Superior Court judge ruled that the Orono school system did not violate the Maine Human Rights Act when it prohibited my daughter Nicole from using the restroom that matches her gender identity.

As the mother of a trans man, I have a hard time dwelling on the fact that hate could drive a person to murder someone like my son. I know what all of us who love our children know: that if you really knew them, you could never hate them. But the fear of what could happen never really goes away.

Earlier this week the East Aurora School District passed a policy that would provide key supports to trans youth. Soon thereafter the Illinois Family Institute urged people to complain about the policy, and today the East Aurora school district might very well rescind that protective policy.

As would be expected, having a child undergo such a transition caused numerous issues within the Tyler family, at school, in their community, and at work. Sarah Tyler graciously took time to share with me the journey her family has traveled.

For the past few years we have had an increasing number of elementary schools contact us with reports that their teachers and school staff were "freaking out." The cause for alarm? The new enrollment of a transgender child or the gender transition of an already-enrolled student.

"When did you know for sure?" Everyone we meet wants to know the answer to that question when they hear we have a transgender child, most because they are genuinely interested in a subject that is still a mystery for so many.

When your child is transgender, do you err on the side of full disclosure, thereby risking rejection, or do you proceed without exposing your child's biology, because it really shouldn't matter, right? Such was the case when Sam went to camp for the first time as a boy.

My transgender daughter Nicole is my mentor. It's tough to put into words what a profound impact this small person has had in changing my core values, but since the young age of 5, she has unknowingly encouraged me to open my eyes and heart to new ideas.

I disagree with Elisabeth Hasselbeck quite often, but during the Jan. 25 episode of The View, she brought me to tears with her eloquent support of transgender and gender-nonconforming children.

If your child has come out to you, you've been entrusted with a precious piece of his or her truth. You have a rare opportunity to become a hero, a champion for your child. You may actually be saving his or her life.

K-12 schools and colleges must take the lead in recognizing and educating about gender diversity. They must implement nondiscrimination policies inclusive of gender identity and expression to protect transgender youth.

This is the child to whom I gave a girl's name, imbued with my own girlish hopes, nurtured the mother-daughter bond that I had with my own mother. What was my relationship with this person if he is my son?