When you are married to a drag queen, her art touches every part of your life. I constantly try to pull away from drag, because I need a balance. However, drag is like an eight-armed octopus, a dragopus, that can reach into every part of your life and pull you back toward it.
There has to be the official, legal wedding between Jeff and me, and then there needs to be a more symbolic, fun wedding for Vivian and Mr. Von B. It just doesn't seem right if the Von Bs don't have their own separate wedding. So now you see my problem.
For me it is funny how some thing that can bring me so much frustration from time to time, Drag, can be tied to some thing I love deeply, music. I guess it's that love of music that allows me navigate the turbulent waters of Drag.
A piece of advice for any budding queen out there: Before you enter the drag world, make sure you have at least a drag "mother," if not a drag "family." Having one or both of these things is something I would say is essential for any drag queen. Vivian does not have either.
Drag is more than entertainment, more than bookings, more than staying on top; it's a doorway to acceptance. Drag teaches us to be true to ourselves and accept others for who they are. If more parents took their children to all-ages drag shows, they would grow up more accepting and loving.
The more Vivian performed and become known throughout Columbus, the more Jeff became Vivian. Now, when I say, "Jeff became Vivian," I'm not referring to his actions or his personality but to how others, including me, see him.
Every now and again, when I'm at a show with Vivian, people come up to me and comment on how I'm always there for Vivian or how I'm always carrying her stuff. Some have even gone as far as saying I'm a saint. To be honest, I don't understand it. For me, supporting Vivian just makes sense.
To me, a "pageant queen" should also be a "comedy queen," and vice versa. Drag queens should be well-rounded enough to rock the runway in a fabulous gown and the next moment make the audience laugh with a skit or a joke.
I have been out for over 20 years and in that time I have "come out" several times. First it was to family and friends as gay, and then there was coming out at the Forbes Top 100 Company I work for and last as a Drag Queen's husband.
If you can't afford to tip then please feed the queen with applause. You have no idea how much audience reaction means to these girls. A lot of them feed off of it and the more you applaud and holler the better the performance you'll receive.
Being married to a drag queen is difficult. Well, being married to Vivian is difficult, at least. One of the most difficult things is the expense. Then there is the time commitment. And then there is the frustration. But I can honestly say that I would not trade it for anything.