I find rebirthing to be excruciating. I am consciously participating in its unfolding. That is part of the pain. The awareness. The consciousness. The involvement. It is not going easily or quietly or calmly. It is agony. Filled with bottomless voids, and oh so many memories. Memories of the past and of what could have been. But will not be. And I struggle to make new memories.
From Arron, his death and now from Jim, I have learned so much about living life. Doing things that scare you, saying "yes" as much as possible, being exhausted in a good way. From Jim, I have learned that some risks are fun and have adventuresome outcomes and some are not worth taking. The trick is knowing the difference.
I had been widowed just over a year and well into my own Healing Journey when my mother gave me some very wise advice (which I both follow and dole out to this day). She told me to stop and look back at how far I had progressed since that awful season in time when my husband passed away. When I actually took the time to stop and examine how far I had progressed to that point (and have progressed since that time many years ago), I started worrying less about being "over it" and started appreciating the healing that I had accomplished instead.