He that troubleth his own house, shall inherit the wind. - Proverbs 11:29

Russell played his Hidden Immunity Idol needlessly at last week's Tribal Council, and now has a huge target painted on his back, with no defense. What is the last refuge of the desperate and forlorn? Religion.

This week, I was celebrating the anniversary of President Obama's defeat of Sarah Palin and some old guy whose name slips my mind (and his), by taking a listen to my old, old friend (I mean it, he's old!) Will Wixon's Obama victory song, Yes We Can, when I...

Sorry to be late this week, my darlings. I hope it wasn't too scary for you. I was off to Anaheim, Halloweening at Dilfyland. It wasn't until my adorable neighborhood rugrats came fingering my knockers, shouting "trick or treat," (as always, I gave the kiddies those little airplane-size, miniature...

First off, a little leftover Big Brother business. Two days ago, Adam Jasinski, the winner of Big Brother 9, was arrested while in possession of some 2000 Oxycodone pills, with intent to distribute. It seems that Adam invested his $500,000 prize in pharmaceuticals. How enterprising of him.

Adam gave...

Over in Samoa, our TV Samoa of months ago, not the poor nation struggling to recover from their recent catastrophe (and it's not too late to contribute, by calling 1-800-RED-CROSS or going to redcross.org or HELPSAMOA.com, to make a financial gift.) There are storm clouds heading their way.

Try not to be disoriented. This column is not about David Letterman. Much as I'd love to join the line of Puritanical finger-wavers scolding Dave for having the guts to stand up to a blackmailing slimeball by manning up and confessing ahead of the jerk, much as I'd like to...

Okay, first off, at the risk of violating the Huffington Post Entertainment Page, All-Polanski/All-the-Time policy in force this week, this column will not be about Roman Polanski. He will not be mentioned after this paragraph. I apologize. I don't mean to be a malcontent, but this will be a Polanski-free...

When we rejoined our merry band of castaways, Psycho Russell had become aware that Betsy doesn't trust him, based on her not voting as he commanded at the last Tribal Council. Betsy makes for an odd cop. You'd think she'd know better than to tip her hand to her enemy....

They give awards to television? Whatever for?

They opened on shots of TV aerials. When was the last time you saw a TV aerial? Is there anyone under 40 who even knows what they are?

The opening musical parody number was written by Marc Shaiman & Scott Whitman, who are...

"I am the monarch of all I survey;

My right there is none to dispute;

From the center all around to the sea,

I am lord of the fowl and the brute.

O Solitude! Where are the charms,

That sages have seen in thy face?

Better dwell in the midst...

Can we all just drop the pretense that Big Brother can be won through strategizing and brain power now? Jordumb won. My cat is thinking about applying to be a contestant next year. He's every bit as pretty, considerably smarter, and he'll sleep with anyone.

The theme this year, dropped...

"Now my charms are all o'erthrown,
And what strength I have's mine own.
Which is most faint...
... Now I want,
Spirits to enforce, art to enchant,
And my ending is despair."
- Prospero, The Tempest.

"He raised his hand, and spoke slowly in...

"The world is changed. I feel it in the water. I feel it in the earth. I smell it in the air. Much that once was is lost. For none now live who remember it."
-Queen Galadriel, The Lord of the Rings.

This was a week of grief and...

"I'm melting, melting. What a world. What a world. Who would have thought a good little girl like you could destroy my beautiful wickedness?"-The Wicked Witch of the West (My darling Margaret Hamilton), The Wizard of Oz.

On last week's eviction episode of Big Brother, they announced that this would...

"This power that we're supposed to have, we're just calling it 'The Wizard,' just because, you know, wizards have magical powers."
-Jordan. (We have now found the one thing that Jordan does know!)

When my column last week, The Empire Strikes Out, had to be several days...

[Editorial Note: Darlings, I know my Big Brother Column is very late this week. I apologize to all of you whom I know hang on my every word, and can't get through the day without my wisdom. My computer was infected with a nasty virus (I've told Dougie to wear...

Oh, somewhere in this favored land the sun is shining bright;

But there is no joy in Mudville-- mighty Casey has struck out.
- Ernest Lawrence Thayer. Casey...

Let's start right off with the flying pink elephant in the Big Brother House: Voldedork's imaginary wife.

But first, I must redub him. Last week I named Ronnie Voldedork. It turns out that Ronnie is a gigantic Star Wars geek, while showing no sign of Harry Potter fandom. Why love...

Good grief. It's only my second Big Brother posting, and already I have had to break my vow to base this column only on what was broadcast on CBS. Why? Because CBS decided, for reasons not known to me, to withhold the real story of what is going on in...

Over the last decade, CBS's perennial summer-filler voyeurism-fest Big Brother has lowered its rock-bottom contestant standards into the lowest depths of Hell in search of ever-more-intellectually-challenged narcissists to fill the Big Brother House. This is why every year there has seemed to be increasingly-greater numbers of the religiously-deluded: lots of...