Oh joy. A chance to spend an evening listening to actors blow smoke up each other's butts as they discuss the Extreme Nobility of Acting.

The amusing opening number, It's Not Just For Gays Anymore, might have been more convincing if they could have found a straight man to sing...

We began the 10th episode of Survivor: Zombie Island on Zombie Island. Matt, aka Dr. Jesus, has been out there alone so much, he's now talking out loud to a man who has been dead since the days of the Emperor Tiberius. It's a measure of how much slack we...

In his "Previously on Survivor" opening spiel, Jeff Probst said of Matt, aka, Dr. Jesus: "Matt's time on Redemption Island finally came to an end," when he should have said: "Dr. Jesus's time on Zombie Island finally came to a momentary pause."

Dr. Jesus waxed philosophical about his second...

As episode 8 of Survivior: Zombie Island commenced, it occurred to me that Sarita doesn't seem to fully understand the game of Survivor, or Tic Tac Toe for that matter. She arrived at Zombie Island overflowing with praise for the very people who had just sunk her hopes of winning...

Arriving back at camp from Tribal Council, Steve was trying to heal wounds and promote tribal unity, but David was having none of it. He's a defense lawyer. He's innately combative. You don't kiss and make up with the DA after you've gotten some triple-murderer released back into your neighborhood....

When episode 6 of Survivor: Zombie Island got underway, we had arriving on Zombie Island (Which isn't an island. Liars!), blond (in both the hair and the blond-jokes sense) Klumpp, snuggling up with equally blond (also in both senses) Matt, aka Dr. Jesus, the Christian med student. Klumpp had an...

On Survivor, the Ete Poem Tribe (It's an anagram of Ometepe, which bores me), is the home of Phillip, aka Big Mouth, aka, Agent Dry Mouth, aka Agent 00-Zero, aka Special Agent Dumb Ass, and he is the motherlode of nutball behavior. Agent Dumb Ass could lose an argument with...

"Wave your little hand and whisper 'So long dearie,'

You ain't gonna see me any more.

But when you discover that your life is dreary,

Don't you come a knocking at my door.

'Cause I'll be all dolled up and singing a song,

That says you dog, I told you...

Survivor opened this week watching Matt, aka Dr. Jesus, arriving on Zombie Island, a newly-made member of The Squawking Dead, like all Christians, seeking Redemption and Resurrection, whereas what he needs is what all zombies seek: brains.

First episode zombie Francheeseburger, woken from a deep coma, was surprised it wasn't...

Hello darlings, and welcome to my annual skewering of the Oscars show, or as it's also known, The Gay Superbowl.

James Franco and Anne Hathaway are pretty and appealing performers, but they are not comedians, as they proved tonight at great length. James, keep your arms; cut off the...

And so we got our first look at Zombie Island. Oh, they call it "Redemption Island," but every time I've ever heard someone offering "redemption," it always turns out to be a religious con-man-or-woman. This island is where The Squawking Dead roam, seeking ever to break back through into the...

"Like one who, on a lonely road,

Doth walk in fear and dread,

And, having once turn'd round, walks on,

And turns no more his head;

Because he knows a frightful fiend

Doth close behind him tread."
- Coleridge, Rime of the Ancient Mariner.

Hello darlings. I've...

Happy New Year, darlings. All of you reading this piece have something in common: you survived 2010. Not everyone was so lucky, and a lot of people, as always, took the off-ramp from Life. I've a few thoughts to share about some of the most-famous departures this year, in what...

This was a a three-hour telecast, so we have a lot to discuss. Buckle up for safety.

Dan: "This tribe might think I'm a weak link, but I don't consider myself a weak link." He also thinks he's entertaining, that acting like one of the Sopranos is amusing, thought that...

Holly: "What the [fatita] is wrong with Chase?"

Well aesthetically, nothing. The entire top-of-the-show recap centered on the many betrayals by Chase, focusing solely on him. I wonder who will be at the center of this penultimate episode's action?

Sash believes he's running the show again. Last week he was...

After last week's jaw-dropper of a double-quit episode, leaving alliances in ruins, this week was surprisingly tame and dull. Perhaps that it centered on Sash, one of the least-interesting men on the show ever, increased its drab quality.

I've been calling Chase an idiot for weeks now, merely because he's...

After a week of recaps and old clips, the game recommenced where we left off two weeks ago, just after Brenda was blindsided. Kelly Still-Here felt left-out and at the bottom of the totem pole. She wasn't left out. She was forgotten. Her closest allies greet her with: "What was...

Go placidly among the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in riches.

Speak your truth softly, and carry a big stick.

Listen to others, even the dull and ignorant, no matter how boringly and stupidly they may waste your time.

Don't put all your eggs...

First the good news, Sarah Palin's reprehensible, hypocritical new TV show dropped 40% in its ratings the second week. Clearly you all took my admonition not to watch it seriously. Her novelty wore off fast. And to ice the cake, her clomping spawn lost Dancing With the Republicans, and to...

"The time to hesitate is through.

No time to wallow in the mire.

Try now, we can only lose,

And our love become a funeral pyre.

Come on baby, light my fire.

Come on baby, light my fire.

Try to set the night on fire."

- The Doors, Light...