A Long-Overdue Apology to Bret Michaels.

Dear Bret Michaels,

I am very, very sorry that you are not Liza Minnelli. For one thing, whatever her failings, Liza knows how to avoid the scenery when moving about the stage, probably from attending rehearsals. Also, I had no idea that you had "Feelings."

I am so, so sorry that I made only one small joke in my Tony Awards Show review about your attacking that innocent piece of scenery, instead of mocking you at the same kind of length I employed affectionately chiding Liza for having an off night. As a fellow member of the Wildly-Promiscuous Sex Community myself, I am grateful for your tireless work in seeking respect for the often-derided lives of disease-ridden nymphos everywhere. When asked to name my poison, I will henceforth always name you.

Please do another season of your Find-a-Slut reality TV series. I understand Carrie Prejean needs a new gig. I'm sure you would give her a new appreciation for gay men. Thank you in advance, and God bless you.

I sincerely hope that your injuries are not as painful as listening to your performance was. I wish you well with your recovery. Avoiding all cameras and microphones forever should speed your healing.

Please accept my humble and always-abject apology. In penance, I promise to try my best not to smirk the next time a clip of you licking skanks shows up on The Soup. And I look forward to one day seeing your highly-original interpretation of Sally Bowles. You are what Broadway Theater is all about. You are a True Drama Queen.

However, the piece of scenery you attacked is still waiting for an apology from you, given that it has now been diagnosed with a case of Trench-mouth.

Cheers darling.

To read more of Tallulah Morehead, go to
The Morehead the Merrier.

Comments

[slobone]

Madame said "Liza knows how to avoid the scenery when moving about the stage, probably from attending rehearsals."

My dear, do you seriously think that number was rehearsed?

[Tallulah Morehead - Huffpost Blogger]

Do you seriously think you can maneuver that many people around a stage and moving scenery without a walk-through with tech rehearsal? If you do, you've never been onstage.

[TomInJax]

Tallulah, you are the best. You should stop by more often. Doesn't Ariana invite you out to play more?

Brett just doesn't get it. Liza would never miss her mark. There was that one "incident" with falling in the orchestra pit when she performed with the Rat Pack, but Deano told her to use moderation.

[Tallulah Morehead - Huffpost Blogger]

Arainna lives by my every word. She asks so much advice from me, I seldom have time left over to write for you. But thank you, carling.

[sturzl]

First Eminem and now you, Tallulah. LEAVE BRET MICHAELS ALONE!!! Great, now you've made my masacara run.

[Tallulah Morehead - Huffpost Blogger]

Darling, I most certainly will leave Little Bret alone. In fact, I wouldn't touch him with a 10-foot pole, unless it was boiled both before and after, and I was ENCASED in latex, head to foot.

Letting your mascara run however, IS the way to his heart. The more skanky and cheap-stre­et-whorish a woman looks, the more Bret likes them. If you really want to win his - ah - heart, get some open running sores on your face. It's like catnip to him.

Some musicians play "catchy" music. From Bret, you can catch something else.

[sturzl]

♥ You had me at Darling ♥

[Steamboater]

Tallu! How dare you insult Sally Bowles. Even she knew how to make an exit gracefully.

[Tallulah Morehead - Huffpost Blogger]

That depends on who is playing her. If it's Liza or the late Natasha Richardson, yes. But the last time CABARET played in Los Angeles, Sally was played by Teri Hatcher. I'm not joking. I'd rather see Bret Michaels.

Cheers.

[PunKinPai]

Bret's got a lot of nerve complaining. If he hadn't been milking the audience he'd have been well behind the descending scenery like everybody else. He should be making jokes about his injuries instead of whining. THEN maybe I'd have a little sympathy. Nah, probably not.

[Tallulah Morehead - Huffpost Blogger]

I 100% agree. Between his showboating and his hat, that poor marquee never saw Bret coming, which is odd, because every slut in America has.

[OtayPanky]

Ms Morehead: I am grateful for your tireless work in seeking respect for the often-derided lives of diseased-ridden nymphos everywhere.

===

I think you mean "disease-ridden", unless you're trying to say these nymphos are both diseased and ridden, as in "rode hard, and put away wet".

Oh well. Every rose has it's thorn. Otherwise outstanding.

[Tallulah Morehead - Huffpost Blogger]

Thank you darling. I've made the correction. I HATE being fallible!

Cheers.

[PhilipB]

Thanks for the giggles, Tallu.
I am still chuckling over 'hippie replacement" from your last post.
Cheers!
Philip

[Tallulah Morehead - Huffpost Blogger]

You're welcome darling. But I am racked with guilt over mocking poor, damaged Bret. Have you seen his injury photos (linked on this page)?

How fortunate for him that it's not possible for an injury to make his face any worse than it does normally. Think how tragic it would have been if it had happened to someone attractive!

We all dodged one that time. Well, all of us except Bret.

Cheers darling.

[Steamboater]

He looks like he just spent an evening South of Market and enjoyed it!