My Abortion: It's Time to Tell

I had an abortion in 1975 when I was a college sophomore. I've never told anyone in my adult life - not my parents, my friends and lovers, my siblings or my teenage daughter. I didn't tell my colleagues in the 1990s when I was working at Planned Parenthood, nor when I was urging women to tell their own personal abortion stories as the U.S. Supreme Court stood poised to chip away at Roe v Wade over the past few decades. Why is it I never told anyone? Shame, I guess. I was a smart kid in college, taking women's studies classes, talking a good game about women's rights. I even spent two long uncomfortable weeks refusing to shave my legs before I caved. And I had a brief and intense love affair with a student who lived in my dorm.

Within weeks, I suspected I was pregnant. But I had never been to a gynecologist or known anyone who was pregnant. There were several horrible weeks of ignoring the increasing signs as I chose to increase my focus on my studies. I don't recall any longer a lot of the details but will forever be grateful for the local Planned Parenthood clinic and two of the nicest middle-aged women there who helped me make the hardest decision I have ever made. To this day, it remains my most difficult decision. I had an abortion and went on to earn a degree, move to Washington, create a nice life, have a child when I was ready to care for one, spend years working on behalf of reproductive rights, and remain silent about choosing abortion.

It's hard to know after all these years if my shame was caused more by becoming pregnant or by choosing abortion. I know I wasn't equipped to care for a child then. I have never regretted that decision. As with all we do in life, each decision leads to another and guides us through life. I did the best I could at the time and regret mostly my decades of inability to share that pain with people who love me.

I feel compelled now to share this fact of my life because on Sunday Dr. George Tiller was murdered while serving in his church. I met him in the early 90s when I was working for Planned Parenthood, and was immediately drawn in by his warmth and kind manner. I remember wanting to tell him that I had once had to make the choice to end a pregnancy. But instead I simply told him that I understood the toll his work took on him. He was a good man, dedicated to ensuring that women and their families had a choice. He introduced me to a woman who was devastated to learn late in her second trimester that her child was missing most of its brain. He gave her a humane choice.

And now he's been murdered by someone who purports to be "pro-life." At a time when madmen are willing to kill to make a point, how can I remain silent about my own decision 30 years ago? When the killer pointed a gun at Dr. Tiller on Sunday, he forced me to tell my story. I urge all women across the nation to tell their stories. There are millions of us - mothers, sisters, daughters, doctors, lawyers, factory workers, college students and waitresses - who made a choice at some point in our lives to choose abortion. Some of us may regret our decision while others may celebrate it. But the fact remains that no one has the right to take that option away from us, and certainly not with a bullet. Until we begin to shout our stories at the top of our lungs - drowning out the cacophony of violence from those who are "no-choice," we will never secure the options for the women who follow in our footsteps.

Comments

[Biolante]

Not to create more argument, but I wanted the second one very badly but understood that the kindness of pro-lifers only goes so far: My Baptist sister asked me to keep the baby so SHE could raise it.

That broke my heart as much as the event of aborting the baby itself. I didn't want another mother to raise it, I wanted to raise it and couldn't. I didn't want handouts of diapers and faith, I wanted to know that the child would be born into a secure future and decent life.

I didn't want state benefits or the coldness of unaffected strangers offering me tickets to buy food. I wanted warmth and familial care for the baby. Knowing I could go to work to support and feed us on my own, and he or she would be cared for by someone who loved it as much as I did.

But in all the picket line yelling, I never once ever was approached by an individual to be told, "You can have your baby and keep it and we can help you through the life of the child or until you don't need us anymore. No judgment, no preaching, no obligation. We just want to help you keep this baby alive."

I'd like to hear a story of someone who said that to a woman struggling with the decision to have an abortion.

[tbswitze]

Dear Tamar, thanks for sharing your story. Despite the spin this issue receives, nobody in the pro-life movement is against women's(or anyone's) choice. I would not hazard to remove your choice of career, where you choose to live, what you choose to say and I hope you would not impose upon me. But, when our choices run up against the most basic and fundamental right of every human being, the right to live, our secondary rights to "choose" must subside. While faith certainly informs some people, in the end it is a scientific and human rights issue. We simply cannot deny the scientific truth that a human embryo is a human being at a very basic level of development. On the day my daughter was born she was not significantly different than the day before or the day before that and so on... She didn't become a human being simply by passing from one physical location(the womb) into another(my arms) or because her mother chose to think of her as a human. Even if there existed disagreement shouldn't we take the safest approach to ensure that the most innocent and most vulnerable among us who cannot speak for themselves are not killed accidentally?

I don't buy the argument that men or people not faced with an unwanted pregnancy should censor themselves. Every human being that dies unjustly affects me. "Never send to know for whom the Bell tolls, it tolls for thee" John Donne

[Tamar Abrams - Huffpost Blogger]

Dear Tobias,
Thank you so much for your thoughtful comments. I totally respect your point of view and am so glad you were able to make it without rancor. On some points we agree: I loved my daughter from the moment I knew I was pregnant. She remains the greatest accomplishment of my life. I won't go into the areas where we disagree because those are obvious. My sense though is that we both believe that women should not have to make the choice to terminate pregnancies. Even in an imperfect world, not having to make that decision would be the best course. In order for that to happen, sexuality education and contraceptives have to be not only readily available -- but also openly discussed. Abstinence is also a very good choice, as my teenager and I have discussed. There has to be common ground from which people on all sides can make some progress here. If we each take an intractable stand in defense of our already entrenched positions, nothing will change and we'll be writing here for the next century.

This exercise has taught me that there is way too much anger, finger-pointing and pain around this issue. Healing can only begin if we start to listen to one another and allow small windows into each other's thoughts and beliefs.

[tbswitze]

I hope that one point we can agree on is how often a woman's abortion choice is co-opted by circumstance or by pressure from others. Countless times I've met women who've been heavily pressured by their husbands, parents or boyfriends into aborting an unplanned pregnancy. It was clear that had these important people been truly supportive she would have carried the baby to birth. I don't see where the choice is when a husband threatens to leave his wife or parents threaten to kick a girl out of the home. Obviously that's not every circumstance but its a place to start together.

If nothing else, we need to make more resources and help available to pregnant women and emphasize compassion to those who find themselves in unexpected circumstances. One groups efforts to do this stands out in my mind...Feminists for Life(www.feministforlife.org). They have a very strong pro-life argument but walk-the-talk by taking on universities to acquire more help for pregnant students and students who are mothers.

[JustThinkinginKS]

Tamar,
Thank you for taking the step to talk about your abortion. I'm amazed at just how closely our stories resemble each other. I've never told most people about my abortion my senior year in college in 1978. I told my husband before we married. I told a close friend. I told my two children (now 19 and 22) when they were teenagers. They were the best decision I ever made; so was my abortion.

My mom was a very active pro-choice supporter. Her mom almost died from a botched back alley abortion. It was the depression and Grandma already had five kids. She and my grandpa worked but it was impossible to support another child. I mention this because even knowing it, I couldn't tell my parents, not wanting to "disappoint" them. I couldn't tell my best friend - a staunch Catholic still.

I was on birth control , not sleeping around (but should that matter?). It was my senior year and I would have been giving birth right before finals and graduation. My boyfriend was just starting grad school. He offered to marry me and put off school. It was a no-win situation. I decided to end my pregnancy.

I went to Wichita to Dr. Tiller's clinic - they were the most compassionate, non-judgmental people. It's always bothered me that I didn't share my experience. I took advantage of having a choice, but remained silent for others. Thank you for encouraging us all to speak out.

[LeftRight]

You might have a valid point, but think about it this way:

Science has figured out a way for one human body to support another. You will find yourself attached to a person who is simply taking bodily resources from you and providing nothing tangible back. The government will enforce this edict, and anyone caught taking their other person off of support will be sentenced. That's EXACTLY what will happen if you have your way.

Before a certain point in a pregnancy, you are not looking at two people, but just one with a symbiont. AFTER that point in time, we may STILL have a societal point to allowing an abortion, since the fully grown woman with all the rights of citizenship takes precedence over the unborn who has no legal rights (having not been declared by the state to be a person until birth)

[Jazz88105]

Tamar I to had an abortion around the same time. I never felt any shame and if the topic came up I never shied away from speaking out. But it is time for all who have taken advantage of our legal right to an abortion to speak up and thank all the doctors, nurses and medical staff that helped us through a hard time. Thank You Dr. Tiller may you Rest in Peace.

[kapalabhati]

Your comments are measured and rational and reflect your views based upon your conscience and your religious beliefs. I, for one, and millions like me, however, do not subscribe to the belief that a human embryo is a human being. I respect your beliefs, but I respectfully ask that you, or more important, our govermnent doesn't impose them on others. I don't ask you or other men to censor yourselves; however, this is not a decision you will ever be faced with making, so I ask that, again, that you do not seek to impose your views on others.

[tbswitze]

I'd ask you to read my post again, carefully. My thoughts on the matter are based on science not my Roman Catholic faith. My faith informs my reason and conscience to speak out and act against injustice. The kind of rights and protections that all human life should have is an issue that can not be reduced to preference.

It was not that long ago that black slaves were not considered fully human. Had abolitionists ceded the issue of slavery to a matter of preferential differences and viewpoints where would we be today? Are morality and Truth simply relative? What about suffragists who fought for equal recognition of women under the law instead of being the property of their husbands? Would we have asked them to respect the different view-points and not impose on others? I hope that we would not have.

[mydwyf]

Please remember that without good nutrition throughout pregnancy and childhood, which we take for granted right now but probably shouldn't, this entire discussion would have an entirely different slant. Something along the lines of, 'oh no, not another mouth to feed!

I did not have kids (and yes, before then i had an abortion) until we were able to physically provide for them at a fundamental level -- that meant a herd of cows, a huge garden, our own water source and waste disposal system, backup heat source (an important consideration in the subarctic !), the works. Of course most people do not have the resources to do all of the above. But we do have the resources to become more self-sufficient on local levels, even in cities. Life would become a lot less 'precious' in a hurry if our food supply and (equally important) waste disposal systems were to be disrupted for any reason. (The aftermath of Hurricane Katrina is a case in point.) And there are any number of believable scenarios where that could happen on a regional or national scale . . .

[hannahabrams1212]

i wonder how many people here slamming abortion saying "what would the fetus have said" have had eggs. i wonder if they realize they are eating what could have been a life. "what would that egg have said?" that's just how intelligent "what would the fetus have said" sounds.

[sallythewerewolf]

Hear, hear! Or, "What would the sperm have said?" Both eggs and sperm are alive; why don't the anti-choice people gather outside men's dorms and apartments and yell in a megaphone at them to not spill their living seed into a dirty gym sock? No question; any anti-choicer is motivated by a desire to keep women powerless.

[ZoeyMO]

I don't have a story of my own, but when I was a teenager my mother told me that she strongly suspected that her sister had had an illegal abortion. This was during World War II and my mother was aware that her sister had a boyfriend who was in the military. Suddenly one day she was quite sick and asked her father to stay home with her. He didn't feel that he could do that, but he was very sorry when he came home to find that she had died. The family doctor told her father that she had died of "pernicious anemia". Well, that's not the way pernicious anemia works. Mom thinks he made up a diagnosis to keep from telling her Catholic father (of 13, by the way) that she had had a botched abortion. I never got to know my aunt. I hear she was a wonderful person.

[Absolon]

Unfortunate stories like these are why a womans right to choose and easy access should always be the norm.
God bless your poor aunt.

[JustThinkinginKS]

In an earlier post I told of my grandmother who had an illegal "back alley" abortion during the Great Depresson. They already have five children and couldn't afford another. When they went to the aboirtionist, he locked the door to the room. My grandfather could hear my grandmother screaming. She nearly bled to death before he could get to her and take her to a hospital. The doctor at the hospital recognized the botched abortion for what it was, but he lied on her chart and said it was a miscarriage. If the doctor had not been so compassionate, she could have been charged with murder.

If we don't speak out, there are people who will put women back in this situation.

[BetsyC]

Tamar, you wrote:
"Some of us may regret our decision while others may celebrate it."

I understand that some regret an abortion, I understand that some are completely o.k. with their decision, but "celebrate" it? Are you joking?

[hannahabrams1212]

she is saying that you should embrace every decision you make.

[BetsyC]

It's a truly poor choice of words.

[mydwyf]

If I was raped i would definitely celebrate having the rapist's frequency removed from my body.

[valkyrie607]

Yes, some women are totally psyched that they were able to get an abortion. Does that make them monsters in your eyes?

[Compassion]

What is most insulting and degrading for me is when opponents to choice make it seem as though women choose to have an abortion like they might choose to have or not to have dessert. Conception is intensely intimate for a woman. Any sane person agonizes over the decision. It is expensive, painful and hard to reconcile for any number of reasons--but remains necessary and should by necessity be medically safe as any other surgical proceedure. This is not something women do on a lark, as moral authorities like Bill O'Reilly would suggest, and that we still have public figures who would present it in this light is shocking and disgusting.

Let's not let the mysogynist moral tyrants keep us in the shadows any longer. I am grateful to the doctor who performed my abortion, and hope that my government will do more to protect those practitioners who provide this very necessary (and extremely common) proceedure to women when the woman deems it necessary.

[MNinWI]

Yeah!!

[JustThinkinginKS]

I agree with you completely. For people to make statements that women decide on a lark to have an abortion shows they do not have any concept or true understanding. It was 30 years ago that I had an abortion. I still often think of it. I don't regret it. It was the right decision. I now have two great kids that are the joy of my life. But I still remember...

For anyone to dare to assume that this was an easy decision or that I haven't thought about it since, for anyone to presume to know my or any other woman's situation, for anyone to try and serve God's judgment on me...

Now to rile up all of the no-choice, anti-abortion men, like so many others, I find it curious that most "pro life" leaders are men. Why is that? And don't say that men are naturally more in a leader roll since it took women (and some intelligent men supporting them) to get women's right to vote. There was more research done on Viagra than most birth control pills. Insurance covers Viagra for men, but not birth control for women. Men do not always look out for the best interest of women. I don't believe that most of you are truly looking out for women in the abortion issue either.

[Zenfull]

Part 2: My abortions came in the first trimester. What women must endure in the 3rd trimester in making the painful decision to abort their fetus, I cannot know although the stories here I are very compelling. I respected Dr. Tiller for his commitment to the women he served in their crisis. I regret that the anti-abortion fanatics responsible for his death may dissuade another doctor from serving. Perhaps the speaking out about our abortions which was a private matter before will help bring some facts to the debate.

[Zenfull]

On May 18, after President Obama's speech at Notre Dame I wrote on Huffpo: "As a 20 yr. old student in college and unmarried, I became pregnant from my partner of 3 yrs. He thought he was sterile. I was unprepared for parenthood and discussed the situation with my doctor. He referred me to Planned Parenthood when I told him I wanted to terminate the pregnancy. My partner and I were together for 4 more years but he wanted neither marriage nor children so we parted. 5 years later I married and had 2 wonderful children. I had a 3rd unplanned pregnancy which we could not afford. My husband and I made a joint decision to terminate the pregnancy and be sterilized. My thoughts nearly 30 years later? I wish I had better sex education to prevent the first pregnancy. I'm glad there was a safe way to abort my unwanted pregnancy. I was happy that I could discuss the situation with my doctor and that there was a supportive organization available like PP. I had no religious convictions to conflict with my decision. I certainly did not have the emotional maturity to have a baby at 20 years old. The fathers in both cases were fully involved in the decision. I have no regrets. I am forever thankful for the Roe vs Wade Decision that recognizes that the decision to endure a pregnancy is a decision between a woman and her doctor, period. "

[onnyang]

thank you tamar...
your courage is infectous...

[MassInsanity]

On Anderson Cooper last night there was a woman who found out she was going to have a baby with misshapen legs, a cleft pallet, and only part of it's brain. She decided to keep the baby anyway. But, when she gave birth she decided she didn't want any "procedures or measures" taken to keep the baby alive. The baby died 12 hours later.

I wonder, for all the anti-choicers out there, if this woman's decision to not keep the baby alive, even if there was medical technology to do so, should be judged just as harshly as a woman who would have decided to terminate the pregnancy when finding out the chances of the baby living outside the womb were very unlikely?

I look forward to hearing the responses....

[saami]

No one has the right to judge. It is the individual woman's right to determine what she wants to do. We must as a society protect her right to have control over her body and what is best for her. To do otherwise is to condem all women to slavery to their reproductive system. If men were the ones to bear children, the laws would be very liberal since they would want to have the right to determine their own lives.

[Absolon]

"If men could bear children, abortion would be a sacrament."
(Can't remember whose quote it is, but it's true.)

[gotborked]

I don't know the particulars of the case, but yes, there is a vast ethical difference between actively and directly killing a human life and allowing a terminal life to live with paliative care, but not keeping the suffering person alive through extraordinary means. [I think it is safe to assume that a person born with only part of a brain is not likely to live for any extended time without being kept alive through extraordinary means.]
I am pro-life, but I understand that there are worse things than death. It is not always called for to preserve a life by all means possible; however, it is not licit to intentionally and directly kill a human life as a means of treating a condition.
This mother's decision for how to care for her baby during its short life should not be condemned, nor is her care decision even remotely equivalent to a decision to kill her baby.

[JulieSA]

"should be judged just as harshly as a woman who would have decided to terminate the pregnancy when finding out the chances of the baby living outside the womb were very unlikely?"

I wouldn't condemn either one. The mother who gave birth and let the child with no brain die was letting nature take it's course, instead of actively taking steps to kill it. An anencephalic baby can't live very long outside the womb.

Late abortions involve killing the fetus with a saline injection, which burns, and then cutting it up or puncturing its skull in the womb.

It's possible that a fetus with very little brain wouldn't feel all that, but do we really know that?

[dustsceawung]

Although I am pro-choice, this does make me sick. Why exactly cannot doctors kill a fetus with an OD of anesthetic? My vet does as much for terminally ill cats. I would feel much more comfortable knowing that the life ending inside me, no matter how damaged, felt no fear or pain. Fetuses dream in the second trimester; they are human, even if non-viable. A humane euthanasia seems like a much better way to die.

[valkyrie607]

ALL late-term abortions are done this way?

Got any credible links to back that up there tiger?

[fusionfan]

Well, Ok, but timing and term is still a big issue. A lot of these same arguments could be made after delivery. "Well, I delivered the baby, and I looked at it, and realized that I was just too young, and the baby was too inconvenient, and besides, he had a cleft palate and I had no money. I realized that continuing to have this baby would "adversely affect my mental health", so I told the doctor to go ahead and hit the baby with a shovel and suck its brains out.".

The unique thing about Tiller was, that he was one of the few doctors who was providing late-term abortions, apparently with few questions asked, relying totally on the "wisdom of the woman". If we try, and many times, punish the young mother who, after delivery, throws her newborn baby into the garbage chute, then why not have some level of increased scrutiny regarding a mother who allows the same thing to happen to a fetus still in her uterus, who could easily live outside the womb if delivered.

It's not all black and white, and mothers-to-be or mothers-who-never where, it's not all about you.

[noralou]

BS on this comment. It is illegal to perform late-term abortions in most cases. The life and health of the mother or the medical status of the fetus has to be in severe trouble for it to be legal. Try to keep up with the facts instead of spouting ignorant right-wing talking points.

[JulieSA]

Tiller was occasionally aborting late term healthy fetuses for frivolous reasons.

[noralou]

I had an abortion in 1980. I have never regretted it and I am not ashamed of it. It was done at 6 weeks and the doctor showed me the results. It was a tiny little blob of cells less than the size of my pinky fingernail. I do not believe that that blob of cells with the potential to become a human should have more rights than do I, a fully actualized woman. I had a birth control failure and I am glad that I was not forced to have the child as women of the generations before me were.
I remember the first issue of Ms magazine when I was a teenager. They had photos of girls who had died of illegal abortions. I remember one young, young woman bled out sitting on a toilet.. It was pitiful and sad. Only the poor had to take this chance, the rich have always gone to other countries.
Randall Terry, the head of Operation Rescue is also against birth control and sex education. I guess his idea of sex is that woman should pay if they dare have it.

[Pez81]

I had an abortion about 10 years ago. It was a stressful experience but an easy decision and one of the best I've ever made. It is a personal decision and should remain that way, always. I'm now having my first baby with my husband and I'm thrilled.

I ask concern citizens to spend more time worrying about the rights and treatment of already born children here and in all parts of the world. Why not advocate to improve those lives and stay out of the private lives of your fellow concerned citizens? Worry about your own sin and salvation, not ours. Thank you. My abortion never has and never will have anything to do with your life.

[Absolon]

Brava! All hail the wisdom of logic, free will, and keeping your nose in your own freakin' business!

[MNinWI]

Fortunately I never had to made that decision & honestly, I don't know what I would do. I wholeheartedly support choice since I believe that in spite of their professed religious beliefs, it's really all about control of women. I recall those sick pro-lifers stationed at a busy intersection just outside our city (I don't think they could get permits to do it within city limits) and the huge sick sick pics of a bloody baby & my response was to flip them off. I really believe these people get off on these pics & there is a sinister, depraved reason that they are so fanatical about the issue because if they were honest about it, they would be working very hard to make sure all babies get health care, a decent education & a social environment that is conducive to a health upbringing.

[SonofLiberty1]

Part of it is control...but not how you think...

It's the guys in this story that never have to count the cost.

Why is is so incredibly hard to say no? Or to at least acknowlege it?

[BitterClinger15301]

There are other options for young women faced with an unexpected pregnancy besides raising the child by themselves or having an abortion. Giving up a child for adoption is often the most loving choice that a mother could make. I'm not generally an advocate for increased government spending, but I do think that it would be appropriate to substantially increase the resources devoted to encouraging and facilitating adoptions.

[MNinWI]

And w/o adequate health care, how does one pay for the costs of prenatal doctors care? How does one make up for days of work lost because one is sick all too often during the pregnancy? Who is going to pay the bills? Who pays the enormous hospital birth bill? Adoptions are an answer but the reality for far too many is not so rosy.

[JulieSA]

There are many charities that exist to help women go through that process. I don't mind my tax dollars going for that either. One thing Bush did when he was governor was loosen up the laws to make it easier for minority babies to be adopted. There are many ways the government can facilitate this, or at least get out of the way.

[itsjustanillusion]

The problem with that is Americans do NOT adopt american children. They go to China, Russia and Africa to adopt. The children that are left behind are cast away in state agencies and foster care and, in a lot of cases, ultimately are abused and/or forgotten.

Its unfortunate that man has put him/herself in the position of judging and punishing others. God gave us free will, why is it that men want to take that away? If the hell fire is were women go when they choose to have an abortion and i'm sure most women are well aware of that possible fate, then thats her choice.

Education and resources are definitely needed to facilitate understanding. This takes time and money.

Peace!

[SonofLiberty1]

My cousin Barbara, who is or who was about a year and a half older than me..I'm 52 tried to adopt an American.

It was impossible!

She finally did adopt a child from Honduras or Guatamala (sp?).

At any rate, she died of cancer last August and now the young boy is in the custody of her sister and husband.

He now has an American family where before he had nothing.

It's hard to adopt other American kids...I don't know why.

[Nitz]

Oh illusion, where did you come up with that ridiculous judgement of adoptive American parents?! You seem to know nothing about adoption... Thousands of healthy American infants are adopted every year, but there are thousands more American families longing to adopt, so people look to other countries. (The children that get left in foster care are the ones who are not newborn, particularly boys, and those with disabilities. Are you signing up to adopt one?) Why are there not "enough" American newborns? Because we are rich, so most people keep their babies somehow or other, and because we can get abortions. In other nations mothers are not so lucky, so there are many more babies to adopt. It is not easy, it is arduous and expensive, but the rules regarding international adoption do have more protection for the adopting parents than the laws of most states regarding domestic adoption, which is another reason some choose international adoption. This is easy to look up.

[ZoeyMO]

Americans would love to adopt American children, but the supply is low because in this country you are not forced to bear a child that you don't want. And that is as it should be. I have no problem with devoting more resources to adoption, however, I want people to realize that giving a baby up for adoption is often just as traumatic for the mother, if not more so, than an abortion.

[JulieSA]

Oh my, you are uninformed. There is a shortage of babies here to adopt. That's the ONLY reason people go abroad to adopt.

Yes, there are older children who need adoption, but many of them have problems that the average person would prefer not to take on. My brother-in-law adopted two older boys, and it didn't turn out that well. Not that it can't, but it's much more problematical.

[dustsceawung]

Adoption cuts a child off from their genetic and familial history. I grew up in a horrifyingly abusive household. I would rather have faced that than having my identity erased, no matter how much better the "parents". Children aren't given a choice. Australia has all but done away with adoption, instituting a guardian system instead that allows children to retain their names and familial contact. The US should follow suit. There are many instances where a child should not be left in the care of their biological families, but those families should not be replaced with lies or lifetimes of wondering where you came from or why your mother didn't want you. The family does not just include parents; in my case it includes the kings of England, the killer of Richard III, revolutionary war heroes, and an escaped slave. Adoption would have taken that from me.

[LeftRight]

That's complete BS!!! There are some people that don't like having been adopted, but generally speaking it's better for the kids, and they can still have the information that they need! Many of them are even able to look up families that gave them up!

[jafsie]

How does adoption solve the problem for a teenager who's afraid her father's going to kill her if he finds out she's pregnant?

[crowepps]

Unfortunately, financial incentives to adopt can encourage people who are only interested in the money to take in handicappe­d/disabled children, with no commitment to actually using that money for the children's benefit and without the appropriate skills to take care of them. Don't you remember Mike and Sharen Gravelle?

http://blog.cleveland.com/metro/2009/04/gravelles_lose_appeal_ordered.html