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Tammy Nelson, Ph.D.

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Don't Drive Your Wife To Cheat The Day After Valentine's Day

Posted: 02/10/2012 1:44 pm

The biggest day of the year for female sign-ups to AshleyMadison.com, the website for married people looking to cheat, is the day after Valentine's Day. Ten times more women sign up to Ashley Madison to meet other married men to have affairs on February 15th than on any other day of the year. The second most popular day for women looking for affairs is the day after Mother's Day.

Why? Because they're disappointed.

So let's call it what it is: the day after Valentine's Day should be renamed "NOT FEELNG THE LOVE" day. Is this your scenario? She wakes up on February 15th, rolls over, and looks down at you as you slowly wake up from your Valentine hangover. She's not smiling at you. She is not smiling because she is remembering Valentine's Day and all the things you didn't do for her. You're thinking you got off easy this year.

You had some big plans. You did. But in the end you got her a card and maybe some grocery store flowers. You waited for her to make reservations at a crowded restaurant and after you ate, you complained about the bill. You went home and had mandatory sex and then you both fell asleep. Check off that Valentine's Day to-do box.

But she's not happy. She is not smiling because she doesn't feel appreciated or loved. But she has a plan. She is going online as soon as you leave for work and signing up for a website that will let her meet someone who will notice her, make her feel special and make her feel appreciated.

This Valentine's Day, do it differently. You don't have to buy her a diamond ring, a car or a vacation. Just remember that appreciation is the key. Let her know that Valentine's Day is not just a made-up holiday by the card manufacturers. She doesn't want to hear that. Think about what she brings to your life, and what she has added to your relationship over the past year. Then tell her.

Think of three things you really appreciate about her and write them down. Put them in a nice card. Or write them in a poem or in a song. She won't care if it's corny or if it rhymes. Overwhelm her with romance. Buy her some nice flowers (not carnations). They don't have to be roses. She knows they jack up the price for Valentine's Day. Get creative and find her some giant peonies and buy her a lot of them -- two or three bouquets. That night, run her a bath, light some candles, put on some music (all free) and wait for her in the bedroom with a glass of champagne. Yes, women like that stuff.

You can bet that if she met someone online who did that for her she would definitely like it.

So this Valentine's Day, be the guy she wants to meet. This year tell her how much you appreciate her. Let her wake up on "NOT FEELING THE LOVE" day and think, "Wow, he was amazing."

Let AshleyMadison.com's CEO Noel Biderman wonder why his numbers are down this year on February 15th. Let your wife be one woman who isn't going online signing up to meet a new lover. Be the new lover she's looking for this Valentine's Day.

Don't let this year's "NOT FEELING THE LOVE" day get the best of you. And remember, you have some time till the day after Mothers Day too.

www.drtammynelson.com

 
The biggest day of the year for female sign-ups to AshleyMadison.com, the website for married people looking to cheat, is the day after Valentine's Day. Ten times more women sign up to Ashley Madison ...
The biggest day of the year for female sign-ups to AshleyMadison.com, the website for married people looking to cheat, is the day after Valentine's Day. Ten times more women sign up to Ashley Madison ...
 
 
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10:01 PM on 02/15/2012
Maybe all the attention is, ironically, what makes them cheat. Maybe having their man try so hard to please them either gives them an ego boost, or makes them vomit in their mouths, enough to make them find other avenues for their anti-mushy animal instincts.
07:22 AM on 02/15/2012
If you cheat, you are a cheater. There is no such thing as "You made me cheat". Own your cheating ways and nut up. Does not matter if you are a man or a woman.
02:10 AM on 02/15/2012
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02:14 AM on 02/14/2012
You are making women sound like weak, programmable automatons with no will of their own. "Men, if you want to keep your women, do A,B and C or she will cheat on you." How about both parties taking equal responsibility for their relationship? 'Being driven' to cheating doesn't make cheating ok!
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
summer261987
"Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?"
02:01 AM on 02/14/2012
a very interesting theory (if not personal opinion)~ but it's kinda hard to accept when there's no study or research to backed this up. nice try though~
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
SionShankel
My opinons are all done sans pants
01:42 AM on 02/14/2012
Like New Years is for amateur drinkers...V-day is for teenagers playing at courtship.

Cheating is for sissies who are too weak to tell the truth to themselves.
08:38 PM on 02/13/2012
Way to blame the victim of an affair rather than the perpetrator! Of course we should always show love and appreciation to our spouse, but failing to buy into a marketing scheme does not give someone a handy excuse to cheat.
07:20 PM on 02/13/2012
So its the guy's fault if she cheats now? If she's the kind of woman who is going to cheat just over some champagne and chocolate she doesn't really deserve that kind of attention to begin with.
08:00 AM on 02/14/2012
i agree, i appreaciate all these things, but i would hardly think of cheating if he missed valentines day
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Oregonian76
Just a guy from the PacNW
05:13 PM on 02/13/2012
Or a couple can TALK about Valentine's Day and decide ahead of time what it even means for them. Instead of having some ethereal obligation that neither of them signed up for.

My wife & I talked about it several years ago. Our anniversary is in late January, so it seemed like overkill to have to do it all again just 3 weeks apart. It's just not financially feasible for us.

So we decided to just skip the dinner/gifts part of V-day. We make it a point to say "happy valentines" and we spend some extra quality time together. But we don't make it out like it's "one of those days you have to put forth extra effort so you don't end up in the dog house". We show each other 365 (or 366) days a year that we care about one another.

Because truth be told, if you need V-day to remind you to celebrate your significant other, then your relationship has bigger issues than a lack of expected flowers, candies, or cards...
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mezzanoche
Jack the Bean Stalker
03:25 PM on 02/13/2012
Hahahahaha! It is always easy for the "other guy" to swoop in and be the "knight", that is easy. Every man on this planet has at one point or another been that guy that swooped in on the vulnerable, under appreciated women. So what does that mean to a woman? Women don't realize by now that the "knight" guy can come in and lay on some extra attention because he has zero desire in being any thing other than that and get to penetrate and leave. That is easy, that is SUPER EASY. Every man has been that guy at one point or another, and we laugh about it afterwards. We go into juicy details about it with our male friends and we LAUGH about it, like some cosmic joke that was just for our amusement. There is no such thing as appreciation, there are humans doing human things, simple & easy. Men appease because it is less headaches for us. That appeasement could be for company, for "love", for sex, for money, for strategy in a career, men like to play games, it is in our DNA. It is for the kicks, for the sport of it. It is only after we have exhausted our local resources and energy that we "settle" for one thing or the other. Career or family. Pick one and move on. Happy V-Day ;-)
03:18 PM on 02/13/2012
Clearly if you think that is a legitimate reason to cheat you will anyways what a bunch of junk!
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jf12
Occupying myself
03:12 PM on 02/13/2012
Instead of him acting like a new guy (which doesn't work, btw), he should instead treat her different. Her Ashely Madison lover isn't going to take her to expensive restaturants and shower her with roses. Instead they will make furtive plans to meet at a cheap motel. This furtiveness is what she needs.