05/12/2014 04:55 pm ET Updated Jul 12, 2014

The First 90 Days After a Breakup

When I was 7 years old, I went to Sears with my parents. Shopping for a refrigerator, or a car battery, or jewelry, or khakis. Who knows what? Anything in the world of a department store that's so overwhelming for a kid. Inevitably, something shiny caught my eye and I wandered off.

Now, if you have every done this, no doubt, have the memory forever burned into your brain. You remember turning around and not seeing your mom or dad. Heart-pounding, mind-racing, wild-eyed terror. I started moving frantically in any and every direction just to catch a glimpse of them. It felt like the end of the world and they had to be somewhere. Panic turned to tears. I was lost for what seemed like an eternity. Then, inevitably, my dad found me, and the world was right again.

But something's not right, right now. Following a divorce or breaking, those feelings of confusion and consternation. Anger. Heartache. And yep, more tears. You are definitely lost again. But this time, your partner in life isn't coming back to save you. The only thing left is to save yourself.

The first 90 days are always the critical ones. I believe they build you, empower you and at times feel like they can crush you. But, you will come out on the other end. Trust me. And you will be better than ever.

Stand Still

This time is about you. It's not about making yourself as busy as possible. Get to know yourself again. Get to you know your family, friends, children. Know them as who you are now, not who you were yesterday.

Survey Your Surroundings

Move the obstacles that include furniture you bought together. If you can't afford to replace it -- change it. Add flowers -- a new scent. Replace your bed or at least the sheets. Turn your couch a different way. Symbolically make the change. Then it will come emotionally in time.

Change Your Routine

Stop abusing yourself by going to the same places and waiting for people to notice you are alone.

Try something new. Every day.

Embrace the Alone Time

You don't need to sit there and mull over what was. Even if it means a trip to the gym, Starbucks or the mall. Or an extra outing with your kids. Occupy yourself and build your life, because today is not tomorrow.


I love social media as much as anyone, but this is not the time to compare and try to figure out what your ex is doing or where they are going. Unplug. Work on you.

And, let me know how you handled the first 90 days. Keep your questions coming and thank you for always inspiring others with your help and motivation.

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