Ways You Are Sabotaging Yourself Without Realizing It

03/18/2015 11:28 am ET | Updated May 18, 2015
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I am a big believer of the fact that everything starts from within, even, maybe especially, physical beauty. Despite the fact that I built my career in front of the camera, I truly believe that if you don't have internal peace and happiness and come from a good place, your inner discontent will always come to the surface. My self-talk in the months following my divorce was extremely negative. I used my external self to convince my internal self of how I felt.

I began writing down thoughts over time and talking to a few experts and it was then I was able to hear my words aloud. And boy, were they scary.

Over time, I realized that my self-talk was self-destructive. It was filled with excuses and denial, both ways to protect myself. I remember walking around one day and thinking that something had to change or I would be making this same trip forever with no different results.

At that moment, I decided to take control of my negative self-talk by composing a list of the things I should be saying (needless to say, I did not need a list of the negative stuff).
Here is my original list, with some additions from along the way:

  • Protect yourself.
  • Today is the future.
  • You are living your life.
  • You can't have other people make you complete.
  • You can't fix people.
  • You can only fix you.
  • Decide what you want.
  • Go after it. 100 percent.
  • Stop seeking advice from everyone.
  • Don't settle. Ever.
  • Stop confiding in everyone.
  • Keep a journal, diary, post it. I don't care what it is. Just keep track of yourself.
  • Go outside often.
  • Take a walk with a friend.
  • Force yourself to go out alone.
  • Force yourself to go out with someone.
  • Remember that before you love yourself, you must like yourself. It is essential.

What does your self-talk sound like?