Just when I think we've made strides as a society, being more accepting of others' differences and whatnot, along come two new egregious examples of Open Mouth, Insert Foot Syndrome.
First, we had the Juan Williams debacle, where he openly admitted, in front of a camera that was recording him, that he gets nervous when he sees people in Muslim garb about to board an airplane. I'm going to sidestep this one and continue on to another hot-button issue that ignited the internet.
Maura Kelly, on a blog for Marie Claire, openly admits that the sight of two overweight people kissing on TV makes her uncomfortable. I don't need to quote her here; she does a fine job of burying herself within her own blog, sort of apologizing for feeling the way she feels, but then, also, sort of not.
I'm not going to use this space to debate thinness vs. fatness, or prejudice vs. tolerance. There has been enough on those particular topics elsewhere, and as I lean toward the liberal (like, a lot), you can probably surmise how I feel about it. What I want to do with this current mess -- aside from publicly shaming Marie Claire, a publication that is supposed to champion all kinds of women, from all walks of life -- is talk about, well, what we really shouldn't talk about.
Now, yes, we have the First Amendment right to free speech (look it up, Christine O'Donnell, it's totally in there). But should we always use it to blather on endlessly about whatever might be taking up space in our frontal lobe? Why not ask Rick Sanchez if he thinks talking freely about his deepest, darkest opinions was a mistake? I'm leaning towards a "yes" here.
Here's a new flash for all the Maura Kellys on the webernets: just because you have a platform to share your opinion, that doesn't give you the right to unload the ugliest part of your psyche in order to get some blog fodder. The people Maura Kelly wrote about are real people, and just because they're actors on TV, that doesn't mean they don't have feelings. Hey, guess what? People are well aware of what they look like, and there's really no need for every Negative Nellie out there to point it all out to us. Even Perez Hilton is backing off the negative and accentuating the positive. It may make his website less fun for some, but he's also woken up to the fact that, yes, even actors have feelings, too.
Everyone has an opinion that probably wouldn't get them elected to a political office. A twisted view, a deeply rooted prejudice, or even just a misconception that's stuck in their heads. It's usually something that would be considered slightly scandalous, something that might make your friends look at you differently. Guess what? You don't have to tell anyone, let alone the entire population of the internet. I don't care what Maura Kelly thinks of overweight people -- she's a recovering anorexic, which I'm sure makes her feel she's entitled to throw her experience with food around, although I don't recall anyone asking for it -- but now that I know, I will never want to read anything she writes ever again.
It doesn't matter what sort of forced, hollow apology she conjures up after this, to at least help Marie Claire save face. I know this about her now, just like I know Mel Gibson hates women, Jews, black people, and pretty much everyone else. These people are tainted forever, because they just couldn't keep their mouths shut. I don't get why they don't get that.
We live in a society where everyone is labeled by how they look. We're all contestants in an eternal, endless pageant to prove ourselves worthy. It isn't an easy gig by any stretch of the imagination. I'm not suggesting that we whitewash (you should excuse the expression) the entire world and replace it with only sunshine and rainbows. There is a better way to have a discussion. There are more appropriate routes to take so that people will actually listen to your point, instead of it getting lost in an outrageously inconsiderate web headline.
I have a solution. There is a better way. You don't have to turn into Pollyanna, and you don't have to stop being yourself. While you do have to modify your public behavior -- something we really all should focus on anyway -- there is still an outlet for the things you think to yourself but know you should not speak (or, Gates forbid, blog) aloud.
Remember diaries? They were these little books made out of paper, where you could write down your innermost thoughts without a single human being knowing about it. It was a safe haven for the darkest part of yourself. I'm pretty sure they still make them. The best part is that you can actually destroy them when you're done feeling that way, and no one's the wiser. You get the thoughts out, and you still get to have nice dinner dates with your friends, who only know the parts of you that you wish to share. If you're hiding something teeny (example: you vote Republican), that's not too terrible. But if you're hiding a deeper evil, a seed of awful that could grow into a huge problem for you someday, you might want to consider some professional help.
As for Maura Kelly, should she have any friends left after this debacle, I might suggest one gift her with a diary. One with a lock.
Follow Tara Dublin on Twitter: www.twitter.com/taradublinrocks
Dave Zirin: Should NPR Have Fired Juan Williams? You Betcha
Josh Shahryar: Dear Marie Claire and Media: Fat People Are People, Too
Toni Raiten-D’Antonio: Troubled Times and the Scapegoating of the 'Other'
Actually, it does. That's the whole point of free speech. And some people like reading things that are just brutally honest. It might be terrible for the writer's career. It might even result in being socially ostracized. But, they still have a right to say it (even if it is a bad idea).
"I will never want to read anything she writes ever again."
This is the appropriate response, not expecting everyone on the internet to write their nasty thoughts confined to a diary because some people's feelings might get hurt. If you don't like it, don't read it!
If there are reasons why something is bad or should be avoided, then those reasons can be put out there. It is NEVER appropriate to demonize a kind of behaviour.
With all the Hitler inflation around, let's just make it clear: it's not even right to demonize Hitler.
You need to DEAL WITH the problem instead.
So I thought, what would an American fire drill look like? I pictured a fire truck with 6 guys showing up at a fire; Two start arguing over whether liberals or conservatives started the fire, two argue over which end of the hose to hook to the fire hydrant, one starts selling tickets to spectators, and one grabs a fire extinguisher and tries in vain to put the fire out.
I'm can't fix my crass remark, so I'm trying to balance it out.
OMIFS
Thank you.
It almost seems as if kindness and sensitivity are considered weaknesses these days. So sad.
I've heard people use the expression "keeping it real" when what they're actually talking about is making it nasty. Why are people so often accused of dishonesty when they're kind? Or assumed to be honest when they're being cruel?
I feel sorry for Maura Kelly. Anorexia is a horribly painful disease. If she were truly recovered from it, she would never have lashed out so viciously against "overweight" people. I think she's in pain. And I think if she'd treated herself to a big fat hot fudge sundae before sitting down to write her blog, she'd never have written anything so mean.