I coach brilliant women, lots of them. Dedicated, talented, brilliant women.
Most of the time, they don't know their brilliance. They are certain they "aren't ready" to take on that next bigger role. They are more attuned to the ways they aren't qualified than to the ways that they are. They are waiting for someone to validate or discover them. Sound familiar?
It's a huge loss. Collectively, we miss out on the contributions of thousands of capable leaders. Brilliant women themselves miss out on the fulfillment that comes from using their abilities fully.
Let's set ourselves on a different path, with these 10 rules for brilliant women:
Tara Mohr is a writer, coach and creator of Wise Living, which offers coaching and courses for professional and personal fulfillment. You can receive her free goals guide, "Turning Your Goals Upside Down and Inside Out (To Get What You Really Want)" by clicking here.
Follow Tara Sophia Mohr on Twitter: www.twitter.com/tarasophia
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Dress poorly and have a bad haircut. Be too skinny (no heavy set women or women with hips and boobs in the brilliant world, apparently). Have no children, friends or elderly relatives. Be ambiguously in your late twenties.
Just an assumption, but I bet these brilliant women drink heavily (alone in their apartments).
While reading this I was "glamoured" by these 10 steps because right now in my life I need to jump off this island of perpetual mundane and go for who I want to be....
Reading your comment, brought me back to who I am. The witty one...
Tara forgot thats most important throughout all.
Humor..
"Smart women want to be thought of as beautiful; and beautiful women want to be thought of as smart..!"
Anyone else hear of this saying?
My advice to brilliant women:
1. There are just as many brilliant men, so put away the vain, sexist, elitist, superiority.
You're equal; not superior in any way.
2. Take charge of your romantic life by NOT leaving it up to whatever horntoad in the bar wants in your pants.
If you won't risk giving the compliment of asking the man out that YOU choose, then you leave it all up to the men to decide your romantic fate, and f*ck all those "signals". Ask him.
The brilliant men are not likely talk to a woman they don't know in a bar like some horny teenager, and if you want some castrated little milquetoast idiot, you won't be happy for long any more than men are with bimbos.
3. Get this advice from ANY 10 year old boy: you can psych yourself up or psych yourself out.
That's the only choice you have, so why psych yourself out? Pity party? You think it's feminine? NO, it only attracts the paternalism you say you hate.
4. Confidence is NOT arrogance no matter what the sexist pigs hiding as feminists tell you.
It isn't for men and it isn't for you either.
You can't bullshit yourself, so EARN your confidence then BE confident.
That will get you want you want in the "mans' world" more than all this manipulation.
Thanks for reminding all bright, brave, capable and confident Women of Mark Twain's maxim:
"Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect."
Far more than b2c2 Men, who may be envied but are ultimately admired for those traits,
it seems comparable Women must walk a highwire between confidence and arrogance,
between laudable self-determination and a self-centeredness so often shrugged off in males,
between emotional immunity to petty criticism and emotional insensitivity to genuine feedback.
Your concise rules could have been posted with great value in every classroom, lecture hall or ICU
I have taught in where females over twelve have held themselves back from blossoming fully,
from achieving their true potential. Sadly, it is not only society at large and other, lesser women
who hold them back but unthinking prejudice and preference in boys and men.
Trust me: adolescent males are socially clueless compared to young women of similar age.
Most of the clues boys DO stumble onto insidiously originate within female peer groups,
so let's "teach our children well" to respect and admire those b2c2 traits as much in females
as in males. Fully mature Men of that tribe often learn too little, too late that genuine happiness
is most readily achieved with a fully developed Woman of comparable --if complementary--
capabilities and confidence as a life partner.
Thanks, Tara, for sharing this Priceless Treasure Map with so many.
(from "One Old Man Who Knows")
What do you think creates this issue in the women that have it?
Sad, but true. Why is that?
If you are interested, this might be an interesting experiment to run in your life: put more of your attention and focus on authentically supporting and championing other women, and see what the impact is on your experience with other women supporting or putting you down.
Warmly,
Tara