How To Walk A Mile In Your Own Shoes

We've all heard advice and inspiring phrases thrown around like "stay true to yourself," "be the change you want to see," and of course the more street-cred version, "keep it real." It can be tricky to figure out what these catch phrases actually look like when put in practice. What does staying true to your self feel like when we try it on for size?

We are trained from birth how to act to get love. When we do what our parents want, they are happy, and we get love. When we go with what we feel, who knows where that could take us. It could take us out of safety, security and love. This programming continues in our lives whenever we look outside ourselves for approval and love. That's a hard thing to take because we all want love. We all want to be liked but where will the conforming and acting to please actually take us? What will that look like when we try it on for size? And will we even be happy with the result?

We are bombarded with information telling us we need to change who we are. Skin creams, plastic surgery, designer clothes, expensive cars, houses, and stuff to put in the houses. Where does it all end and what is the pay off? Are we going to be happy once we look how the TV tells us we should and we have all the stuff that we think we should? How are we going to feel if we don't achieve all of that stuff that we think we should? There is so much to worry about when we fall away from ourselves.

It's easy to fall off the path of you. We've all experienced it. There are so many other paths around made out of different materials that look and feel different than ours. How do we know ours is the best? Maybe we want someone else's path that we think might be better? Maybe we think our path is so awesome and work tirelessly to recruit people to our path, convincing them it's the best. Maybe our path used to be a wide clear open road and as we go along it shrinks ever so slightly until one day we realize we're on a tight rope fighting for balance.

Ram Dass is a favorite teacher of mine. His writing is clear and relatable. In his book, Still Here, he tells a story of a talk he gave at a ritzy Jewish summer hotel in New Hampshire in the 60s. He said to the crowd, "Well, you've really made it, haven't you? Look at where you've ended up. You're at one of the best hotels in the country. The parking lot is full of Cadillacs--even a few Rolls Royces. You have your children in private schools. You have money in the bank. Many of you have two homes. You have all the physical comforts you could ask for." And then Ram Dass said, "Is it enough?" Ram Dass basically walked into that fancy hotel and asked the guests if they were keeping it real. With that one question, "is it enough?" Ram Dass showed people that they are not a sum of their material lives. It only took a moment of insight for them to realize how much suffering this belief had created. Worldly success doesn't bring peace, serenity, and well-being. We all know this in some way, intuitively, somewhere in the backs of our minds. But it's extremely easy to slip away from what we know to follow what's most prominently around us every day.

We all have this straying to some degree. For some of us it's moments of insecurity where we think "if only" we looked a certain way, had a certain amount more in the bank, married the right person, or had the perfect career. "If only" things were a tad different, life would be better. The deferred life plan is never a good idea. Your stuff is not you. It's just stuff.

People we collectively admire, whether they are saints, teachers, leaders, actors, famous or not, all have one big thing in common. They all have followed their own path, walked in their own shoes, and tuned out the noise and distractions of anything that pulled them in any direction other than their own. We all can do this. It's not easy but it is possible. There is not a single person on this planet that is exactly the same (until this whole clone thing gets kicked off). We each have something special to contribute to this world. It takes desire, strength, courage and a lot of tough choices to stay on your path, but you are worth it. We all are worth it. When you walk into a room and you are completely, totally you, that is worlds more powerful than a version of you that you have altered to try to be like someone or something else.

Ram Dass breaks it down into three levels of being: ego, soul, and awareness. Ego is made of who "we think" we are and our association with all of our stuff, our psychology and our physical possessions. The soul is here to learn and if we're not here to learn than what are we here for? Ram Dass believes the soul transcends death, and we're reincarnated. We're learning so that eventually we can become a Buddha, reach Heaven, or enter into union with the Divine. He says nothing else in the universe is that inefficient and we have to be here to learn otherwise our lives are meaningless. He's got a point. A tree seems to have learned a thing or two and isn't struggling with decision making, life choices, personal, emotional and spiritual growth. A tree is a tree. Awareness is the juicy one. Awareness has no boundary. It is eternal and infinite. Awareness is God, the Absolute, whatever you want to call it. Awareness is beyond time and concept. Awareness is what so many of the great saints (Jesus included) are getting at when they say when we know what we are, we're God.

Walking in your own shoes. The Practice: Sky Gazing

This practice is from the Tibetan Dzogchen practice, for entering the Awareness plane of consciousness, and also from Still Here by Ram Dass.

It's perfect for a summer day. Lie down on your back looking up at the sky, and watch the clouds pass over. At first the clouds are way up in the sky and you're way down on the ground. After a while, this great distance seems to fade. You begin to experience the sky as mirroring the sky of your own Awareness. In time, you start to be the sky. The clouds become the phenomena that enter your mind and body -- desires, fears, images, sounds, smells, all of it.

The sky doesn't pay attention to the clouds passing through. It just stays open as they all go by.

Comments

[rachel88]

But how do I know what my path is?

[WhollyYoga]

Tara, Thanks for this thoughtful and engaging post. Much appreciated.

[Elena Brower - Huffpost Blogger]

Tara - outstanding. Inspiring and direct. Thank you, girl.

[Diana Bianchini - Huffpost Blogger]

How beautiful. Thanks for the uplifting post. Funny how what you think you should be evolves every few years and a look back at what you thought then is always good for a giggle. I am going to try sky gazing this week. There is a song called "The Stops" by the band Elbow that says "Keep staring like you've never seen the stars, if you need me to remind you who you are", reminds me a bit of sky gazing.
-Diana

[StephenJK]

If people just live their lives in the moment instead of the past or future many things that make life difficult to bear will disappear in an instant. The "successful" people seem utterly incapable of living in the moment. The here and now. They never seem to be able to enjoy any time with friends or family. The blackberry becomes their altar at which they worship. I feel sorry for them. It's unfortunate that corporatism, materialism and consumerism has usurped spirituality in America. We'll never shake that off as long as we live. We're locked into it.

[mareeva]

Tara.......Thank you for the beautiful inspiring post, so true.

Just curious...did you ever live in Sacramento, California 10-15 years ago?

Blessings,
Maria

[Tara Stiles - Huffpost Blogger]

Thanks mareeve. I haven't lived in Sacramento, but I think there is a woman by the same name as me who teaches yoga and mediation around that area. :)

[redsongia]

Anyone who is happy wouldn't waste their time with Ram Dass.

I'm a little sad, because I really thought this article was about finding comfortable shoes.

[humaneismyth]

stopping to smell the roses is essential to a more fullfilling life..however..it helps to have a house with a garden to grow them in,too.

[Tara Stiles - Huffpost Blogger]

A favorite story about possessions and holding on to things...I don't remember all the details but somewhere, sometime, someone admired a jacked Krishna Das (one of my heros) was wearing. He took it off and gave it to them. The person said, "but this is your jacket!" Krishna Das said, "The world is full of jackets." I always think of that when I start to get fixated on possessions. The world is full of rose gardens. I can visit as many as I like. I don't have to possess them all.

[Dr. Judith Rich - Huffpost Blogger]

Wonderful post!

Thank you,
Judith

[DiogenesOfAlaska]

When I was walking my brief mile in consultants' shoes, I considered 'sky gazing' to be not only practice, but 'best practice'. Could that be part of the reason why I didn't end up with a Ferrari in my garage? But instead with just enough spare time to ... not drive it?

Life is driving a hard bargain.

[CR46]

Tara, sky gazing :) reminds me of november evenings watching the northern lights dance across the northern Minnesota sky of my youth. Bundled up and lying there, enjoying the show that mother nature put on with complete wonder. While I try to stay true to myself and think I do most of the time, it really is the smallest things that make us all happy. Walking silently on a still evening holding my husbands hand, watching my granddaughter sleep, watching my grandson conquer the world by learning who to ride his bike. Thanks for the reminder that we should prioritize our lives for the things that matter the most to us.

[Ed and Deb Shapiro - Huffpost Blogger]

Hi Tara, This ROCKS

Deb and I are corporate consultants. We were invited to Thailand to work with the CEO's of a major telecommunications company. One of our workshops is called * BEYOND THE FERRARI * what happens when you have it all and you are still not happy!

One of the CEO's jumped up and said I just ordered my Ferrari.

Deb said, "are you happy?" he replied, "NO"

Ram Dass is a loving friend of ours and he is in our new book pub date Nov 3rd

and launched Nov 16th in NYC @ Barnes and Noble upper east side with Ellen Burstyn, Robert Thurman, Cyndi Lee, Mark Matousek, Andrew Cohen and us

BE THE CHANGE
How Meditation Can Transform You and the World

Forewords by
HH the Dalai Lama & Robert Thurman

Tara come to the Nov 16th event

Big Love,

Ed

[Tara Stiles - Huffpost Blogger]

Awesome Ed!

I'm totally there on the 16th. Excited! I want to be BFFs with Ram Dass too! Hope you both are having a great weekend! love, Tara

[Ed and Deb Shapiro - Huffpost Blogger]

Tara- Would you like Ram Dass's contacts? email me at edanddebshapiro.como.com

let's connect .. dear one

[kcsmom]

Tara,
I really like this article.We often forget why we're really here.

Unfortunately, most have to end the sky gazing and get up and go to work. Sometimes, the car won't start, the bus is late, or our feet really hurt.

On another note... I'd love for you to meet my son.

[Soren Gordhamer - Huffpost Blogger]

Great stuff! I really enjoyed this. Thanks.

[brandnewstuff]

In the Violent culture of creative destruction no one will walk far with the ankles broken aye.. violence by man has a price.