It must be November sweeps because this week Melrose Place saw more action than ever. Either that, or every tenant was simultaneously in heat.

Amanda Woodward Returns to (sort of) Screw Up Everyone's Life
Amanda, the New York based president of WPK shows up unexpectedly, determines...

What do a German Auteur and a SWAT Team have in common? They both stir up trouble at Melrose Place. Read on to find out how...

Jonah and Riley Have Relationship Issues. Again.
Breakfast with the sad couple. Riley butters her toast with hostility. Jonah stirs...

Over the past couple weeks, Melrose Place took a mini hiatus and so did I. Ashlee Simpson and Auggie's (Colin Egg-something if you care) imminent departure from the show has been tough on us all. I cried in my room for days, just listening to Ashlee Simpson music like--um, you...

We open on Ashley doing creepy stalker things in Auggie's abnormally neat bedroom. She opens drawers, caresses clothing, rolls around in his bed... Suddenly David shows up and she quickly explains that Auggie asked her to get his mail while he's on vacation. Poor Auggie, he never gets to be...

Dear Jake,

It seems like only yesterday we met. You on my TV, me watching you on my TV, hoping you'd get kicked off already. And just when I thought you were gone, you came back again. You wanted to save the day (which you didn't) and have a little...

We open on Ella, in her underwear, taking out all the shoes in her closet. Why? Because it's her birthday! Lauren brings her a cupcake but Ella refuses to make a wish: if she wants something, she goes outs and gets in. Did you catch that folks? Because that would...

This week featured a "glamorous" movie premiere that somehow involved every resident at Melrose place, except Ashlee Simpson who was too busy being crazy and/or confused. Now onto the drama, because there is oh so much.

Ella vs. Josie-Jane-Andrews-Mancini-Bissett
Sydney's sister Jane (Jose Bissett) returns to...

This week's episode started out like any ordinary day at Melrose Place: David stealing stuff in broad daylight, Ella texting about some PR crisis, Dr. Dirty doing doctor homework, Jonah and Riley being perfectly nauseating and Ashlee Simpson hanging out in her bikini, gazing vacantly at a glistening, topless Auggie.

This week we opened with some long, lingering shots of Auggie's (the sexy chef/possible murderer of Sydney) hot, hot body in a hot, hot shower. We also saw the deep, deep cuts on his shiny shiny muscles - ostensibly from when he maybe murdered Sydney.

Then we cut to...

The first line of Melrose Place 2.0 is "Don't even think about it." And that's probably good advice if you're going to watch this show.

Since the Melrose: The Next Generation is geared towards the 'tween through twenties set, who are either too young to remember the show, too old...

Watch contestants from all over the universe compete in the grueling categories of Swimsuit, Evening Gown and Interview. And watch me mock them endlessly. But with love.

Sunday, August 23rd, 9 pm ET.

Will I vomit before the 3 hour pageant is over? Will Heidi Montag's first live performance...

This week's episode was billed as "The most emotional season finale in Bachelorette history." But unless bikinis make you teary, it was pretty tame. Though Jillian had "doubts" about the two remaining men, the conflict felt pretty contrived. Was the passion there with Ed after it fell flaccid -- sorry,...

This week, the men told all. Or at least they told some. Or at least they repeated what they've been saying all season in different words. Or in the same words. Okay at least they were nice to look at.

In fact, everyone stepped up their efforts to look...

This month US News & World Report released its 2009 College Rankings and the accusations of unfairness abound. As with any evaluative model, institutions that don't quite confine to the assessment criteria don't make the cut. And some great schools get lost in the shuffle as a...

This week, for the first time in Bachelorette History we had not 2, not 3, not 4 but 5 hometown dates. Not 1 but 2 rejected bachelors returned, 1 actually got to stay, and the surprises kept on coming. . .

Reid: It's Always Awkward in Philadelphia

This week, the eight remaining bachelors took a train ride with Jillian across British Columbia and Alberta. Michael couldn't contain his excitement, because apparently it's "every kid's best dream" to ride a train in Canada. Really? Jillian missed Ed for about eight seconds and then moved on. Most importantly, this...

This morning, People Magazine named Chace Crawford the "Hottest Bachelor of 2009" and I object.

Not only is his brand of pretty painfully bland, but he is bringing Gossip Girl down! That's right, I said it. But you've all been thinking it. Since Season 1, Chace has been the...

This week was intense! People had the best moments of their lives and the worst moments of their lives. Jillian laughed and cried and kissed a lot of guys. And the quest to uncover who had a girlfriend back home continued...

Michael 1-on-1
Jillian and Michael went zip lining....

Tomorrow's episode of The Bachelorette is extra special. And not just because it looks like Jillian might cry in every scene. ABC and Touchstone have teemed up (or rather, been teemed up by their parent company, Disney) to bring us an unprecedented event: Marry Me Monday. During the commercial breaks,...

This whole Carrie Kerfuffle (if I may call it that) has got me thinking. Last month when Prejean defended herself by saying, "I'm a model, and a I'm a Christian", I didn't give it much thought. But now that she's been dethroned, I realize she was on to something. She...