We open on Ella, in her underwear, taking out all the shoes in her closet. Why? Because it's her birthday! Lauren brings her a cupcake but Ella refuses to make a wish: if she wants something, she goes outs and gets in. Did you catch that folks? Because that would seem to be a very important concept in this episode. In case you missed it, two minutes later Ashlee Simpson tells Ella she can't afford a present because of her hostess salary at the restaurant (boo hoo crazy Ashlee). Ella responds, "If there is one thing Sydney taught me it's that there is always room to move up." In fact, this week everyone was trying to move up, and get what they wanted, no wishing required.
Flashback: The Ella and Sydney Story
Part 1: Ella is "discovered" by Sydney. How does one get discovered as a publicist? Apparently, by talking her way out of a parking ticket with a completely unconvincing story about a sick sister. Yup, that warranted applause and future mentorship from Sydney. Now. Ella seems pretty smart, so I ask you: if some random lady started clapping for you on the street, wouldn't you think she was crazy and move on? Not Ella, she accepted Sydney's job offer to represent her art gallery and clearly took Sydney's works of wisdom to heart to: "Whatever you want- just go get it. " (Sound familiar?)
Part II: Ella and Sydney have a dramatic falling out. Ella didn't publicize Sydney's gallery opening enough, so Sydney accuses Ella of sleeping with clients for business. Ella then tells Michael that Sydney is also sleeping with his son (David). So, Sydney somehow maxes out Ella's credit card, embarrassing her in front of clients. And it's on!
It's Ella's party and she'll lie if she wants to
Back to the present. Ella goes into work and is greeted by those pesky detectives in her office. They tell her they have security camera footage of Ella the night of the murder that contradicts her alibi. Who is that private investigator she's talking to in the video? Oh, just some research for a celebrity client. (Lie number one.)
Ella goes over her alibi with David (that they were together the night of the murder) and David is like: if I'm gonna be your alibi, I need to know the real story. Ella tells him she slept with a client the night Sydney died--information that could ruin her career. I don't think Ella actually killed Sydney- but I'm also pretty sure that story was total BS.
At Ella's party, the PI from the security tape shows up. He's a scary bad guy. We know this because wears black and has a husky voice. Ella wants to get their "story" straight. He's all like, there is no story: you hired me to break into Sydney's place and find dirt on her, but when I got there she was already dead. Ella accuses him of murdering Sydney, he accuses her back, and then he slinks off into the night, whispering "Happy birthday."
It's hard out here for a Lady Pimp (and her employees)
Our Dear Dr. Dirty Lauren, took the corporate plunge in her prostitution career this week. No more freelancing for her. In that line of work - and in this economy- a prostitute needs some job security. Too bad her new lady pimp pays $750 a stint, which is a little less than the $5,000 Lauren used to make. And yes, I know the proper term may be "Madam", but I think if anyone warrants the term lady pimp, it's the middle aged Barbie doll in the matching hot pink lipstick and tube dress.
Anyway, the one rule for Lady Pimp's prostitutes is no missing appointments. Lady Pimp is worried that Lauren's whole med school thing may get in the way or her hooking schedule, but Lauren assures her she can handle it. Cue: foreboding music! Will the very thing keeping her in med school threaten her future as a doctor?
Nope, it will just get in the way of her going bridal dress shopping with Riley. But apparently that was a really big deal. Don't worry, they make up in the end and Lauren promises to be the Maid of Honor and balance her schedule better. The girls, of course, have this heart to heart while Lauren is in a bikini, and Riley is in all shiny-sweaty in her skimpy workout clothes.
Oh- and I almost forgot about the scene where Lauren has to dance for yet another very handsome client. She feels all awkward and then the guy says, his voice full of yogic wisdom: 'Stop thinking, feel the music". Suddenly Lauren becomes, like- a professional dancer! That's right, not only are the guys super sexy, but they also give you sage advice - prostitution is fun and educational!
Ashlee is evil and Auggie is an idiot
Ashlee Violet Simpson wants to make some more money, and keeping with this week's theme, decides to make it happen herself. She tells Auggie she wants to be promoted from Hostess to bartender and he's like: whoah there, you have to work your way up. So later, when Hot Blond Bartender is organizing the cash register, Ashlee sweetly offers to help out.
Fast-forward to the end of the night and $700 dollars is missing from the cash register! (Did somebody steal the money to pay for a night with Lauren?). Ashlee "accidentally" knocks over Blond Bartender's purse and surprise surprise, all the missing cash is in there! Hot Blond Bartender is all confused and distraught. Ashlee looks all evil, as she cleans a tray. At least now I can sort of tell which emotion she's trying to convey, when. That's progress.
Jonah, David and the Ruby Diamond Escapade
The guys are hanging out and Jonah shows David a video from one of his day jobs, which is making virtual tour videos of mansions for real estate agents. Jonah is like -aw Riley would kill for a house like this, too bad I'm a poor wannabe filmmaker. David tells him to "sell a couple movies and make that happen," because that is the theme of the episode.
Anyway, when Jonah goes in to work the next day, he is accused of stealing a mazillion dollar necklace. He realizes that David saw its exact location on the video and worries that David might have made that happen.
Later, at Ella's party, David gives her a bracelet and she's like- I thought you were going to surprise me that with that amazing ruby diamond necklace. Jonah almost jumps out of his face- that's the exact description of the missing necklace! Jonah confronts David who gets all mad and claims the necklace in his apartment belonged to some chick he hooked up with.Then come the disses:
Jonah: No wonder Auggie isn't your friend anymore!
David: You make home videos! (As opposed to films. Ouch.)
Jonah: Careful you don't burn through your trust fund, the way you burned through all the people in your life!
Melrose Family Pool Time
The next day, Jonah apologizes to David. Turns out, a maid found the necklace in the mansion. (Or did David just steal it and replace it? Hmmm.). Either way, they go off to play basketball together, even though I would put money on Jonah having absolutely no athletic ability whatsoever.
Lauren and Riley happily flip through bridal magazines in their bathing suits and Lauren gets a call from Lady Pimp telling her she did a great job with her first client.
Auggie tells Ashlee Blond Bartender was fired and now Ashlee gets the bartender job. Oh evil Ashlee, your stupid plan worked oh so well.
The detective shows up and tells Ella the PI ratted her out. If the police can confirm the story, they'll arrest her for murder. Then Mr. Detective says: "It's gonna feel real good when I get to tighten those handcuffs around those adorable little wrists of yours." Who thinks they'll sleep together before November sweeps? I do! I do!
Old People Update
Evil new landlord Jane Andrews completely disappeared this week and Dr. Michael Mancini is still nowhere to be found. T minus six weeks will the return of Heather Amanda Locklear!