THE BLOG
11/17/2009 06:24 pm ET | Updated May 25, 2011

Melrose Place: Episode 9 Recap

What do a German Auteur and a SWAT Team have in common? They both stir up trouble at Melrose Place. Read on to find out how...

Jonah and Riley Have Relationship Issues. Again.

Breakfast with the sad couple. Riley butters her toast with hostility. Jonah stirs his cereal passive aggressively. Riley suggests they take a trip together. Jonah thinks they need space. Suddenly, their conversation is interrupted by the SWAT storming the courtyard.

They find out that the cops found the knife that killed Sydney with Auggie's blood on it, and he's wanted for murder. Riley thinks Auggie is innocent and Jonah thinks Riley is clueless (because she kind of is. But in her defense, so is Jonah.) Riley tells Jonah she knows where Auggie is "on vacation" (Mexico) and Jonah wants her to tell the cops. Suddenly, their argument is interrupted by Ella- she has yet another work emergency and needs Jonah stat!

Ella is trying to land a famous German indie filmmaker as a client. She brings Jonah along to a lunch so that he can woo German Indie Filmmaker with his cinematic savvy. At lunch, German Indie Filmmaker turns out to also be Gropey Indie Filmmaker and he keeps coming on to Ella. Jonah, ever the knight in shining mediocrity, pretends to be Ella's fiancé so she can get down to business and not get groped. Obviously the plan involves Jonah making out with her.

Back at home, Riley and Ashlet watch the police try to find more evidence that Auggie killed Sydney. "I would never do something like that," Ashlet says, looking all creepy, drinking her tea, wearing her sinister black dress. (Or could she?) She tells Riley that she's not surprised Auggie is a murderer, given the way he beat up his boss at work .(Why is she trying so hard to make Auggie look guilty?) Riley starts to doubt Auggie and messages him online. She asks why he skipped town and when he says "I ruined my life...I'd rather not say why" she really starts to doubt him.

After lunch, Ella thinks Jonah wasn't just trying to save her from the filmmaker; he was pretending to be with her because he wants to be with her. She suggests, the two of them "explore some other options"... in the hotel around the corner. Jonah, ever the knight in shining boring, starts to walk away. Ella accuses him of proposing to Riley because he's insecure about his stagnant career. Jonah storms off.

Jonah arrives home to Riley, who is trying to decide whether or not to tell the cops Auggie is in Mexico. Jonah believes in Riley; if she thinks Auggie is innocent, he does too. Once Jonah says that Riley decides she should call the police. As she dials the phone, Jonah holds her hand and everything is perfect again...until next week.

Back at work, Ella's boss Caleb tells her German Indie Gropey is signing with the company. Caleb also asks what's going on with Jonah. Ella tells Caleb Jonah is just a friend; they were pretending for the client. Sexy Wise Boss tells Ella, "He's a hot-blooded heterosexual male if he's pretending he's your boyfriend, he wants to be". Ella denies having feelings for Jonah. Then she leaves the room and cries.

That night, when the Melrose crew is hanging by the pool, Ella apologizes to Jonah for earlier and says she was just drunk. Drunk on love. And the complete inconsistency of her character.

Dr. Dirty and David Become More Than Just Alliterative
After Lauren spends the night with a client (she gets paid overtime), she can't focus at work. When Dr. Mancini sees her falling behind, he is not happy. Uh oh...

Meanwhile, David shows up at Mancini's house and sneaks his half-brother out to an amusement park (despite the nanny's serious concerns.) David and Noah (the Mancini child) have a grand old time together--until big brother turns away for one second and the Mancini-child climbs a fence and topples to the ground.

Naturally, David rushes the kid to ULA hospital, the one hospital in Los Angeles, to the care of his med-school friend so his Mancini won't find out. Even though it's the very hospital his dad works in. Mancini-child's injuries are bad, and Lauren calls for Dr. Mancini. David stays by his little brother's bedside, all concerned, wrath of Mancini be damned!

When Mancini and wife show up they are livid. David apologizes. He just wanted to spend time with his brother, he loves him. The Mancini's don't listen to him, but the whole episode does get Dr. Dirty bonus points with her boss. At least she's in the clear now. That night, Mancini shows up at David's apartment. He gets all chocked up, tells David he appreciates the fact that he wanted to spend time with his brother, and leaves.

David goes out to the pool where Lauren is studying and thanks her for all her help. She tells David she was impressed at how devoted he was to Mancini Child. David tells her he's stopped stealing because of her. And then he kisses her. They kiss for a moment. Then Lauren pulls away and is hit with flashbacks of all the clients she's slept with. She tells David, "I just can' do this, I'm sorry. " But even hookers deserve love, Lauren. Haven't you seen Pretty Woman?

Ashlet the Afterthought
After ignoring her calls, Dr. Mancini finds Ashlet is his office, playing their HD-quality i-phone sex tape on his computer. Mancini is not happy. They had a deal: he sends her a weekly check and she leaves him alone--and keeps their X-rated video to herself.

But Ashlet wants more. She has to go to court soon, for that whole running from the police thing, and since Mancini's a doctor, he must know lawyers, right? "Either get me a lawyer, or I get you divorced" she says. Snap! Mancini tells her to go to hell, to which she responds, "No your marriage will". Double snap!

Later, Ashlee is at her apartment , calling Auggie in a that completely unbelievable creepy-stalker way that only she can, when Mancini shows up. He tells her he's friends with the judge who will be hearing her case. So, he's going to stop sending her money and she has to delete the sex tape -or he'll tell Judge Davis to throw her "devious little ass in jail". Snaaaaap!

At Melrose pool-time, Ashley asks Lauren if she can move in with her and Ella. (She's having trouble making rent now that the Mancini money train has moved on.) Lauren politely declines and Ashlee swims off. The music from Jaws plays. In my mind at least...