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The Bachelorette Week 6 Recap: Not Suitable for Children

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This week, the lovers were off to Dubrovnik, Croatia. The guys rode in on a boat fawning at how "amazing" "breathtaking" and "unreal" Croatia was. (I wish a country paid me to say dumb stuff. Croatia, are you reading? I want my free trip!)

Emily explained she'd sent Ricki back to North Carolina with a babysitter because she was getting in the way and Emily had a lot of making out to do it was best for her.

1-on-1 With Travis
Emily and Travis walked around the city, hand in hand, Emily holding a guidebook as a prop. They partook in local activities and danced in the streets. Travis thought it was all "a 10 on a scale of eight."

Emily said she liked Travis' silly side, but was looking for romance at dinner. (This lady takes dinner very seriously.) Travis told her he hadn't dated anyone in two years, since his last relationship ended, but Emily was his type "to a T." She picked up the rose like she was going to give it to him, but said they had a "friendship" without the "romance." She told him she wished she could give him the rose, buuuuut she couldn't.

He walked away in the rain, on the brink of tears and then cried to the camera. He said he was ready to find someone already. Well Travis, it probably takes more than one date in two years.

Group Date
Jon, Doug, Sean, Jef, Chris and Arie, wearing kilts and riding donkeys, rode up to Emily as bagpipe music played. Doug said, "It feels like we're in Scotland, which is a little confusing because we're in Croatia. But I'll go with it."

The men competed in their own "Highland Games." The first round was archery. Arie hit a bulls-eye, Chris didn't even hit the target. In some sort of log throwing event, Chris was disqualified for an inferior throw. Sean broke the log from throwing it so hard and Emily thought "Sean looked freakin' hot" breaking that log.

Then there was an activity where the men had to sit on the ground, facing each and try to pull the other off balance. (It was as enthralling as it sounds.) Bobble Chris volunteered to go first and chose Doug as an opponent, who promptly kicked his butt. Sean dominated the game as the rounds progressed.

Then it was time for Emily to hand out the "Bravery Cup" and it went to Chris for volunteering to go first and giving it his best shot. He also won time sitting off to the side with Emily under a plaid blanket, kissing. Gladiator Sean was not happy.

At the after party, Em wore a long-sleeved, black sequined, backless atrocity. Sean finally got his own blanket make-out time and told her he had feelings for her that he hadn't had "in a really long time." She told him to keep his "confidence, even when things get hard." He told her that was when he was most confident.

Arie and Emily went for a cuddly walk. He apologized for not standing up for her in London and she explained (agaaaaain) that she held him to a higher standard. They told each other "I love being around you" and then made out against a wall to passionate musical underscoring.

Jef gave Emily his jacket and they snuggled under a fluffy orange blanket. (What do they do with all the make-out blankets after filming? They never reuse them. There must be hundreds by now. They should sell them on eBay! Can I get a cut?) They talked about their feelings and I regretted not making the phrase "I feel like" this week's drinking game. She asked why he waited so long to kiss her and Jef said he was scared of her. Naturally, Jef's fear of women turned her on and led to more smooching.

During his alone time, Chris told Emily "I feel like I can fall in love with you." She thanked him and gave him the date rose, calling him "one of the kindest, sweetest, most handsome man I've ever me". Then there was more smooching. Blanket-free!

1-on-1 With Chiseled Ryan
Before his date, Ryan continued to feel uber-confident in his awesomeness. The other guys, however, were not so into him. When Emily arrived to pick him up, he awkwardly chatted her up while the other dudes seethed. Driving to their destination, Emily again told Ryan he was "rotten" and "trouble" but she still found him "endearing" and thought they had "a lot of chemistry."

They rode on an oyster boat and ate some fresh oysters -well, Emily spit hers back out into the water. (Ryan didn't seem too into that.) They walked around town. A crazy old man showed them pictures. A random dog followed them around. Ryan brought up the term "trophy wife" again and Emily confided in the camera that she kept going "back and forth hourly" about Ryan.

For dinner in a castle, Emily changed into a full-length, gold, partially sheer, striped, glitter-bomb monstrosity. She joked that she was dressed "as a giant trophy", but it wasn't funny because trophies are much easier to look at.

Then, Ryan pulled out another one of his creative writing projects, to Emily's chagrin. He read a list of the 12 qualities he wanted in a wife, while she listened silently. Emily told him she felt "the need to be perfect" around him and worried about having to "fit into" a "mold."

While she thought he was funny, great-looking and a good kisser, Emily was concerned that "a loving family" wasn't on his list. (That's not really an adjective to describe a person, but anyway...) She told him they wanted different things out of a relationship and said she couldn't give him the rose.

A shocked Ryan tried valiantly to appeal the decision. He thought she was "making the wrong choice" because he was "just right for" her. He asked her why she was crying. (Because the a-hole wouldn't leave her alone?) and she told him it was because "This is the first time I don't know if I'm makin' the right choice". That, of course, only gave him more steam to keep pushing her to change her mind.

Eventually, Ryan took a gulp of his wine and left. In the car, he said he hoped he'd be portrayed "the way that I really am" and not as "an arrogant ass". He also said he'd "built great friendships" with the other future husbands.

Back at the house, the guys cheered and embraced each other when they learned he was gone.

Post-Date
Arie showed up at Emily's place and they cuddled in her bed. He told her booting Ryan was the right decision and if she hadn't sent Ryan home, Arie would have told her she should have. Emily was glad Arie had "her back" and jokingly gave him Ryan's rose. Then they both said "I'm happy" (Why do they always have to repeat the same thing to each other? I think that might be Arie's trick. He always says whatever Emily says back to her.) and made out on each other.

Rose party
Emily wore huge scary earrings and a floor length, long-sleeved dress that looked like it was made of crushed white holiday Coke cans. And glitter. (To her credit, if Emily ever gets lost, they will be able to spot the sparkles from miles away.)

Going into the party, Emily said John and Doug were both "on the bubble." She told John he seemed closed off. He pulled his grandparents' funeral cards out of his wallet and showed her he was capable of crying. They smooched and Emily decided he had "a lot of heart."

During his alone time, Doug rambled away a la Jef and Emily had to physically take his arm and put it around her. She told him while she loved "Humble Doug" she wanted him to be "Confident Doug" around her. (Oh no. His third person address is contagious.) In response, he told her she should "probably" end up with him. She corrected him with "definitely" and they hugged it out. Then Doug cried to the camera because he felt insecure and missed his son.

Rose Ceremony
The first rose went to Sean. Arie got the third one, to pretend like we all don't know he's her favorite. When it came time to give the last rose (Doug vs. John). Emily got emotional, walked outside and got Chris Harrison's "permission" to give both men roses because it's a 10-episode season and she'd already kicked off her quota of two guys that week because she really wanted to give them both another chance.

Next Week's Drinking Game:
Let's just say every time Emily annoys you. It's that point in the season.