Gone are the days where I would find a pair of Manolo Blahniks under my Christmas tree. Hell, since I had a baby, I can't fit into a pair of stilettos anymore anyway. Nor can I sausage my new baby body into cute, tight cocktail dresses. So Santa, please take some time to find out what this new mama wants for Christmas. You might be surprised.
1. A Slimming Lululemon outfit - $
OK, I spend my day nursing, burping, and keeping a new human alive while juggling client calls and writing. I can't fit into any of my pre-pregnancy clothes and I want something that feels sexy, but still lets me move with my not-so-hot body. Lululemon has some great clothes that firm and lift while looking tres chic. Kinda like body Spanx but way sexier. Some of the pants are reversible, so I can wear them a few days in a row! Please get me the Power Y Tank. It lifts and separates my nursing boobs and sucks in my flabby baby belly.
2. A Pair of MBTs - $$
I would ask for, "Every morning off between the hours of 9am - 11am so I could get to the gym." But that's not going to happen. So could you send me a pair of MBTs that claim to work my core muscle just by wearing them? At least I will get some form of work out in while running around trying to be a good mom.
3. Cute But Comfortable Undies - $$
I might still be breast-feeding, so I don't expect matching bras and panties, but now that I can see my bits again, I would like to cover them up in some lovely undergarments. La Perla has some really cute bottoms that won't cut off the blood to my legs. Please stay away from g-strings and cheep undies, I am a mother after all and my butt is way bigger than it ever was.
4. A New Face - $$
O.K. O.K. I know that I can't have a totally new face, but I would love to get rid of these lines and bags. Since I can't use Botox, can I please have a NuFace? The ad says that I can get "A face lift without surgery." And it says that it reduces under-eye puffiness. I would really like to look like a human being again. I'm sick of looking like a bug with these blood-shot puffy, sagging eyes.
5. 5 Years Younger - $$
Since my hormones are completely out of control, my skin has more flakes than a bowl of Special K. I can't use any of those high-octane chemical products on my skin because I am still nursing, so what I would like is some all-natural, high-intensity skincare. LAFACE is being touted as the latest miracle in all-organic cellular skin repair. I don't know if it's true - but I'm willing to try.
6. A Day at a Spa - $$
I understand that leaving the baby for 24 hours might be overwhelming, so I'll take a day at a spa. I would like a few treatments though. I expect a body wrap - to tighten this flabby body of mine. I want a relaxing massage - so I can forget that I have an endless list of responsibilities waiting for me. And a manicure and pedicure would be great - since my fingers look like I just crawled out of a deep ditch.
7. A Mommy Moon - $$$
Please, please, please let me out of the house for 24 hours alone. Treat me to a great hotel with a spa. Buy me a massage and send a bottle of champagne to my room. Let me watch mindless television and take long baths. It does not have to be far from home, just 20 minutes max. But I would really like some peace. Please.
8. A Weekly Housecleaner - $$$$
Yes, I know having a baby was my idea and I said that I could do it all on my own. Well, I can't and I need help. What would be lovely is if you got me a cleaner who came once a week for the next few months. I forgot what a clean toilet looks like and I have no idea what that green stuff is growing around the sink. Remember, I'm keeping a human alive.
9. Orbit Baby Stroller - $$$$
Now that my car is no longer cool, something about me has to be cool - so why not my baby's stroller. If I can't ride around in hip wheels, my baby can. This stroller is not only a stroller, it's its own verb. I can Orbit with my baby, not just walk. The stroller seat is also a car seat that snaps into an orbit base in the car. Plus, it comes in a bunch of great colors. I like colors.
How about you other moms out there, what do YOU want for Christmas?