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Terrell Harris Dougan

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A Labor of Love

Posted: 09/04/11 06:40 PM ET

Labor Day ought to include celebrating every woman who has survived having a baby. In fact, I see flags of every nation flying for all women who've gone into labor, because it really hurts like hell.

The first time I went into labor, we were watching some western on television. "Honey," I said to my husband as I doubled over with the fifth contraction. "I think this baby is coming."

"Oh," he said, watching the cowboys murder the Indians, "that's nice."

The contraction happened again and I thought the pain could not get worse than that. Of course I was so wrong. "No, I mean, honey, we have to go to the hospital now."

He finally came out of his western world and looked at me. "Feel this," I said, writhing as the contraction hit and my abdomen went rock hard. "That is a contraction, and baby, it hurts. We. Need. To. Go. To. The Hospital. Now."

"Oh," he said, in his wildly passionate, romantic way. Eat your heart out, Ricky Ricardo.

He then went to the closet and proceeded to look through his ties. His ties! "What would the well-dressed father wear to the waiting room?" he asked me. I was in too much pain to throw the lamp at him.

When we finally got to the hospital, they showed us into a Labor Room. I climbed into my hospital gown and the nurse checked me out. I informed her in the nicest possible voice I could muster, "I AM NOT HAVING THIS BABY NATURALLY. BRING ON THE DEMEROL. BRING ON THE EPIDURAL AND THE SPINAL AND WHY NOT A GENERAL ANESTHETIC? DON'T JUST STAND THERE, WOMAN!"

"There's no need to shout," she smiled at me, patting my swollen abdomen.

"OH YEAH THERE IS," I gasped.

She left the room, saying she'd have the doctor come in. My husband took a chair near the door. His eyes were wide with shock. I think he finally realized that this was it, our baby was coming, and it hurt me like hell, and not him. I think there is a reason Labor Rooms are pretty empty of possible weapons for wives to use.

The doctor came in. He was a distinguished fellow with gray hair. "How's your pain? he said pleasantly, like How was your bridge game?

"Excruciating, " I told him. "HOW'S YOURS?"

During labor, I think we women see men for what they are. Useless, helpless chickens.

"Let me go get you something to ease it," he said.

"WHAT A GOOD IDEA," I was now screaming.

He came back in the room with the nurse, who was holding a needle and syringe. Why weren't they running? They seemed to be walking through syrup.

Just then they looked at my husband, whose face had turned completely white. "Mr. Dougan? Are you okay?" the nurse asked. They both turned toward my husband.

"HE IS FINE. JUST FINE. HE IS NOT THE ONE IN LABOR. I AM OVER HERE!" I pointed out to them. But they had him by the elbows and were ushering him from the room. "Here, lie down on this gurney for awhile until you feel better."

He said later that he was going to pass out from watching me in so much pain. I personally think he wanted them to notice his new tie. Either way, I was left on my own gurney while my husband was being attended to by the Labor staff.

Fourteen hours of fun later, our daughter Katy came into the world. It had been no picnic for her, either. But proud father showed her all around to the family in the hall.

"Isn't this wonderful?" he asked as his father handed him a cigar. "Just wonderful. Nothing to it."

For every woman who knows what labor is, Happy Labor Day.

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Labor Day ought to include celebrating every woman who has survived having a baby. In fact, I see flags of every nation flying for all women who've gone into labor, because it really hurts like ...
Labor Day ought to include celebrating every woman who has survived having a baby. In fact, I see flags of every nation flying for all women who've gone into labor, because it really hurts like ...
 
 
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10:23 AM on 09/10/2011
"Labor Day ought to include celebrating every woman who has survived having a baby."

Imagine the hurt of the mother who delivers stillborn, or the hurt of the mother who does not survive having a baby.
If you're trying to be funny, it would help to not crudely insult millions of mothers in the process.
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HUFFPOST BLOGGER
Terrell Dougan
05:24 PM on 09/18/2011
So sorry to have offended you and anyone else who was offended.
That is never my intention when I post a piece.
We have enough pain in this world. I only seek to entertain and bring a laugh now and then.
Sorry again that with you I failed.
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jnncan8
Obama 2012
03:32 PM on 09/07/2011
Love it! I was in labor for 26 hours and finally had to have an emergency c-section. After everything, I finally woke up back in my room and heard some snoring. Of course, I figured it was my husband sleeping on the couch. I tried waking him up, and lo and behold it's my mother in law. My husband went home to sleep...because he was tired...after I was in labor for 26 hours...while he watched tv.
04:23 PM on 09/07/2011
Are you still married to this insensitive oaf?
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jnncan8
Obama 2012
04:31 PM on 09/07/2011
He had a serious lapse in judgement on that one, but has learned the error of his ways. Still, needless to say, we will not be having any more babies until he can be the one to give birth.
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Terrell Dougan
05:26 PM on 09/18/2011
Yes. He has his good points as well. It's been 52 years in January. We both claim incredible patience and forgiveness as the secret to our marriage. Thanks for writing.
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HUFFPOST COMMUNITY MODERATOR
CabinAgue
We are ALL in this together.
06:33 PM on 09/06/2011
I was lucky.  Two natural childbirths.  Certainly not without pain -- I had contractions that rendered me mute and essentially in another world where I couldn't communicate -- but shorter than average and I was determined to do without drugs if possible and I was able to make it through.

For a whole bunch of reasons I won't list here, another pregnancy/child wasn't for us.  Nonetheless, I actually wish I could give birth again, and hold and nurse another baby.  It was perhaps the most truly satisfying thing I've ever done.  (Partly because of the challenge -- I don't mean that it was easy.)

I was clearly lucky to have a husband who couldn't have been more different than the caricature in this article, either.  I get the humor, but my experience was SO opposite...

I appreciate the pun for "Labor Day"! :)
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Terrell Dougan
05:27 PM on 09/18/2011
Thanks for writing. Some labor union people did not appreciate the pun.
You made my day.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Mark Andrzejczak
"After such knowledge, what forgiveness?"
08:08 AM on 09/06/2011
Two words: Mother's. Day. Do moms really need multiple days a year? Do fathers get more than one day, too? Should we celebrate aunts as well? Uncles? Grandparents? Cousins? This is just getting a tad ridiculous, like Valentine's Day and Sweetest Day. If you love someone, you show them love every day that the sun rises, not just on a specific day in the middle of February. Respect mothers every day of the year. Celebrate them on the first weekend of May. Isn't that enough? Labor Day is about the Labor Movement, of which women are important proponents, but which isn't about BEING female exclusively—it's about being an employee and working for a living. Plenty of women do this, and we should honor them on this day. But plenty of men are also deserving of honor, and we do not honor one sex at the expense of all others. That's called sexism/chauvinism.
09:50 AM on 09/06/2011
Ame.
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CabinAgue
We are ALL in this together.
06:35 PM on 09/06/2011
I think it was just meant to be a funny article, making a pun on "Labor Day".  I didn't read more into it than that.
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StevenWells
Objects in the avatar are larger than they appear
07:21 AM on 09/06/2011
Good stuff, Ms. Dougan. I'm neither a husband nor a father, but hey: I like to learn (and to laugh).

Ever seen Bill Cosby's routine on "natural childbirth" ("The mother gets no drugs... the father can have all he wants")? Sounds like it would be right up your alley. He quotes Carol Burnett's description of childbirth: "Like pulling your lower lip over your head."

Or this line written for Barbra Streisand as Fanny Brice in "Funny Lady:" "It was like pushing a piano through a transom."

The way I hear it, my older brother's birth was a big deal. The way I also hear it, when it was my turn, my father drove my mother the half-mile to the hospital, dropped her off, then returned home to finish watching the football game.

Thanks for an enjoyable read.
04:19 PM on 09/07/2011
You'd love my comments on labor and delivery then. Both my kids were born completely naturally-no IV, no drugs, no epidural, none of that.

My labor with my older daughter went fast enough that my husband the veteran firefighter totally spazzed out and called the ambulance. That was NOT what I wanted, because I had just completed EMT training with the same rescue squad (yes, I knew the medic!)! Professional dignity-pfft! At one point, the medic asked me what my pain level was on a scale of 1 (minor annoyance) to 10 ("shoot me now!"). I grabbed him by the front of his shirt and told him "If I had any military secrets, I'd talk!" Then after he and the ambulance driver get me on the stretcher, he says he's going to give me an IV. BIG mistake. I don't remember what I said due to a contraction, but my husband swears I told that medic, "If you come near me with that IV needle, I'm going to CATHETERIZE you with it!" Either way, I won the argument. I just hope the poor medic has his hearing back.

My younger daughter arrived in a more orderly fashion, but back labor was NOT fun. When I got the survey form from the hospital afterwards rating my experience, I had a suggestion for them and the new hospital that was under construction that I wrote capitalized: PUT JACUZZI TUBS IN THE NEW BIRTHING CENTER!

Unfortunately, they ignored that one.
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StevenWells
Objects in the avatar are larger than they appear
06:53 PM on 09/07/2011
You should do a column on the side. Why should Ms. Dougan have all the fun?

I did see your additional post as well, which I caught from the "comments activity" link; I have no idea why it hasn't shown here on the page.

Thanks for the laughs from both.

P.S.: If there were more women as either obstetricians or hospital administrators, I wonder if those Jacuzzis wouldn't come to pass.
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Terrell Dougan
05:28 PM on 09/18/2011
And thanks for a very enjoyable comment!
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06:22 AM on 09/06/2011
most women know what labour is and without us
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pt6XB1JXhQw
01:24 AM on 09/06/2011
After our daughter was born, my husband, who had witnessed her arrival, said, "And you mean to say that women are willing to do this **more than once**??" His tone wavered between awe-stricken and disbelieving, with a strong undercurrent of "they all must be crazy!"

He then said, and repeated for years, "The next one comes from Sears."

Not all men are humorless on the subject of labor pain!
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Terrell Dougan
05:29 PM on 09/18/2011
LOVED it! Thanks so much for writing!
10:31 PM on 09/05/2011
Been there, done that.
Four times.

I NEVER worked so hard in my life or suffered as much pain with anything else.

Thanks for being remembered and for the flowers.
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Terrell Dougan
05:29 PM on 09/18/2011
You're welcome. You deserve 4 bunches!!
06:57 PM on 09/05/2011
What my now-ex-husband said when, mid-labor with our first child, I finally asked the doc for an epidural: "Oh good, because I could really use some rest!"
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
tjsmother
wife, mother, and open-minded. Too smart for most
11:11 PM on 09/05/2011
explains why he's your ex.
04:29 PM on 09/07/2011
Doesn't explain why he's still alive, though.
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Terrell Dougan
05:30 PM on 09/18/2011
I can see why he's now your ex!
05:54 PM on 09/05/2011
Oh yeah, nice flowers :)
05:53 PM on 09/05/2011
Thanx for the funny story; when I delivered my oldest son, I was TERRIFIED; didn't know what to expect & OMG the pain was horrific; the payoff however is inumerable; I did it again 2 more times after, each subsequent delivery was easier because I knew what joy & happiness would come after the HORRIFIC pain; thanx for the story; always keep 'em laughing
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Terrell Dougan
05:31 PM on 09/18/2011
Loved that you liked the story. Meant it to give a laugh. Thanks for getting it!
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ChaCubed
Republicans: the Antichrist
03:33 PM on 09/05/2011
Reminds me of my Mom at 90 who, when a doctor asked her how many children she had given birth to, and then asked if they had been difficult deliveries, shrugged her shoulders and said, "I don't know. I went into the hospital, and when I woke up, they handed me a baby."

Then she turned to me with a big grin and said, "Lucky, wasn't I?", giggled, and made a delightful face like a little kid who'd gotten away with something.

:-)
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Terrell Dougan
05:32 PM on 09/18/2011
Now that's the way I wish I could remember it!! Thanks for writing.
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ChaCubed
Republicans: the Antichrist
05:57 PM on 09/18/2011
:-))

"Natural childbirth" is preferred nowadays, but in those days, if a woman went to the hospital to give birth, being drugged was one of the benefits.
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LisaViger
Vegan, Socialist, Atheist, Peace Monger
03:18 PM on 09/05/2011
I see what you're saying, and why you're saying it. I also had what I would probably describe as a painful labor with my two kids ... un-medicated, and uncomfortable at the very least. But I don't think it needs to be that way. My daughter had a much better experience that did. And had I had the support she did mine would have been better, too. And don't I think the birth experience needs to be anticipated as horrifically painful ... maybe it's painful because we expect it to be. Check out this ABC News program on orgasmic birth ...

article ... http://abcnews.go.com/Health/story?id=6120045&page=1

video ... http://abcnews.go.com/2020/video?id=6569030
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Terrell Dougan
05:33 PM on 09/18/2011
Thanks for writing and for the links to interesting stuff!!
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phoebequeen
I blame the dog
01:51 PM on 09/05/2011
I've always felt that the mom should also get a gift on the kid's birthday. I know we got our children, and that is an immeasurable gift but,would it be so hard to give us some flowers?
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Terrell Dougan
02:40 PM on 09/05/2011
I'm with you, sister.
02:12 AM on 09/06/2011
Thanks Terrell for a terrifically funny article. It was great. When I took holistic medicine courses, one of the sayings of the 200+ students in the class was,"You must laugh at least 8 times a day or you are underlaughed." Thanks for adding to our laughs today....:o>
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05:07 AM on 09/06/2011
"women see men for what they are. Useless, helpless chickens."

With that attitude I hope your husband found someone else who respects him.

And trust me, women have no corner on the pain and suffering dept. Ask any man who served in combat or who has suffered catastrofic trauma which is pain that can last 'til death not for a few hours.
mamahappy
not free, until we all are
06:16 PM on 09/05/2011
The gift we get is when they turn 18 and we can give them the boot. Just kidding!
07:24 PM on 09/05/2011
Oh no, some states it's 21; I love my kids; nice to know there is another loving mom out there w/a sense of humor; my boys are all now in there 30's & are experiencing the pain, joy & humor of being parents themselves; pay back is a *****
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liaisonsus
Travel Facilitator-Interpreter of the Southwest of
12:42 PM on 09/05/2011
If men just went through a few periods, not even labour, we would be underpopulated!
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Terrell Dougan
02:41 PM on 09/05/2011
Amen to that! Thanks for commenting.
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phoebequeen
I blame the dog
09:05 PM on 09/05/2011
I agree. Having had severe PMS, when my husband and I were first dating, he would look on, scared sh-tless, as I was doubled over, doing lamaze like breathing . He at first didn't think PMS was real. He knows different now after 24 years. I have tried to educate my son early, so that when he is dating and married, he won't get ' that look' from the girl.