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Terry Connelly Headshot

The Night Before Christmas, Version 2.0

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'Twas the night of Black Friday,
And all through the Malls

The shoppers were stirring,
Over-crowding the halls.

Mama with her smart phone
And I with my Pad

Had just checked the prices
For what could be had.

When up on the Cable
There came breaking news --

The Fed would soon taper:
There's no time to lose!

We sprang to our apps,
Checked our 401k's;

Withdrew our deposits;
And put in for a raise.

The bond vigilantes
Were laughing with glee

When they heard how the experts
Were so sure on TV

That there would be no Santa
For Christmas this year.

Bernanke is going,
It's high time for fear.

Rates will jump skyward,
And mortgages, too:

The stock bubble's popping --
It's long overdue.

The hedge funds were rousing,
And chucking their meds

As dreams of cheap equities
Danced in their heads.

When all of a sudden
Peace came to the planet;

Somebody remembered
Ben's successor is Janet!

She's calm and composed
And truly delightful.

With a wink and a nod,
She said not to be frightful!

Her economist smile
Does resemble a bow!

She's not yet for taper:
She'll keep interest rates low!

She wants to be sure
There's enough job creation --

And with no filibuster
She'll win confirmation!

We went right back to shopping -
A true test of endurance

But we almost forgot
To sign up for insurance.

We had only hours
To ObamaCare D-day:

If that doesn't work,
They should sell it on E-bay.

But when we got finished
The store bargains were gone,

So this Christmas cheer
Will be bought Amazon.

Jeff Bezos is smiling,
So's UPS;

So what if the Congress
Is still just a mess.

Nuke truce with Iran
Could mean one less crisis.

And on top of that,
It's good for gas prices.

On fracking, on cracking;
We've got our own oil;

We can cut ethanol
And take care of our soil.

But some Christmas wishes
Just haven't been heard:

It's too bad these matters
Have long been deferred.

We need a real budget
To pay for the nation.

And while DC's at it,
Let's fix immigration.

We shouldn't gut food stamps,
Hunger's not the poor's fault;

And in 2014 let's not
Even think debt default.

While most of us wonder --
Will next year bring more dread?

A few fellow citizens
Think two years ahead.

Cruz fears some will challenge
His Canadian birth;

While Christie's determined
To reign in his girth.

Ms. Clinton knows Bill's shots
On Obama are scorin' --

But she's keeping her eyes
On Elizabeth Warren.

Thank goodness we've got a full two years to go
Before we get Jeb, Rand and Marc Rubio.

NSA's on the job
Against terrorist mayhem;

But if they must see our phone bills,
Why don't they just pay them!

And just one wish more
For a Christmas appearance --

Can the NFL refs
Define pass interference!

###

By Terry Connelly, Dean Emeritus, Ageno School of Business, Golden Gate University

Terry Connelly is an economic expert and dean emeritus of the Ageno School of Business at Golden Gate University in San Francisco. Terry holds a law degree from NYU School of Law and his professional history includes positions with Ernst & Young Australia, the Queensland University of Technology Graduate School of Business, New York law firm Cravath, Swaine & Moore, global chief of staff at Salomon Brothers investment banking firm and global head of investment banking at Cowen & Company. In conjunction with Golden Gate University President Dan Angel, Terry co-authored Riptide: The New Normal In Higher Education.