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College Hook-up Culture Part II: He Says

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Hollywood gave me the very factual impression that people don't always get what they want. Tom didn't end up marrying Summer in "500 Days of Summer," George Clooney gets his heart broken in "Up in the Air," and let's not forget "He's Just Not That Into You."

The problem with some people's image of fairy-tale college relationships (as related in DeeDee's article) is that the woman "shows [the frat boy with a heart of gold] what he's been missing." In actuality, the situation should be that the girl should want nothing to do with said frat boy until he slowly changes her mind by showing her his "heart of gold." Those married couples who met in college probably didn't start as a hook-up, I'll guaran-damn-tee you that.

Let's take my parents for example: they met in college, my father was that frat boy, and my mother was the strong willed book-wormy type. When they first met my mother wouldn't give him the time of day, but when they got stuck in a class together they ended up talking daily and became close friends. She made my father show her that he wasn't an interchangeable jock and they've been happily married for over 30 years.

If you really want to find someone who you can spend the rest of your life with -- or date, for that matter -- try getting to know him rather than sleeping with him within the first five minutes of meeting him. Furthermore, college women looking for a relationship should take a hint from Bravo TV's "Millionaire Matchmaker" when she says "no sex before monogamy".

That advice is given for the very simple reason that a potential couple must really enjoy each other's company on a fundamental level before you throw sex into the picture otherwise, the relationship will become physically based.

The problem with the hookup scene that DeeDee explains is that she's assuming it's completely one-sided -- like there are these malicious guys out there who feed off of broken hearts. Let's just say that the emotional consequences of a hookup gone bad extend both ways. There have been instances where I (a male, two-sport varsity athlete stereotyped as a "bro") have felt interchangeable and used. I no longer like the idea of random hookups, so guess what... I stopped doing that.

Why do the women in DeeDee's story not speak their mind? What happened to the "strong willed girl?" She should absolutely tell the guy she's sleeping with that she wants more (if she does) and vice versa! The problem with DeeDee's proverbial women is that they are self conscious and timid.

Who is expecting casualness from these girls? This façade as "the chill girl" is exactly that: a false front. Be yourself. If you want to be monogamous with your partner, say so! If the other person isn't into it... move on. This is much more preferred (and respected) than to lying and saying "ok, that's fine" when it's not.

So much for the myth that women can't ask for sober daytime hangouts, exclusivity, or dates -- I love when girls ask me out, it's a nice feeling. That myth is just wrong. Just ask out your crush... not hard. Lunch works, and if he likes you enough, he'll probably ask you out next time.

I think the main problem with hookup culture is that some people just don't know how to do it right. If you're looking for Mr. or Miss perfect and a relationship, you're probably not going to meet him or kiss for the first time on a dance floor. If you want to find a "nice" person to take home to your parents, think about where these people are.

What kind of guy is going to DFMO (dance floor make out) at a party? Probably not someone who is looking for more than a hookup partner. People go to parties less to find a significant other, and more to find someone who wants a casual hookup.

I recommend foregoing hookup culture if you can't handle it emotionally. If you want something worth more than a few good orgasms, build a solid foundation of friendship before you bring your man to bed... That is unless you just want casual sex, in which case more power to you.

Yours truly,
John Paul