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Blog Entries by The Hollywood Ham

Hipsters Ironically Boycott Where The Wild Things Are

Posted October 21, 2009 | 11:55:58 (EST)

Despite raking in over $32 million during its opening weekend, Spike Jonze's Where The Wild Things Are did not attract its expected audience. In an attempt to be ironic, hipsters took to coffee houses throughout the nation, organizing a boycott of the heavily anticipated film.

"Sure the trifecta of Spike...

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Sensitive Actor Zach Braff Feared Dead After Lack of Blog Updates

Posted October 13, 2009 | 16:05:24 (EST)

If the lack of blog updates on ZachBraff.com are any indication, sensitive actor Zach Braff is dead.

Since its inception in 2006, Braff regularly updated his blog with captivating entries such as "Hi There" and "My Favorite Songs to Listen to in the Rain," but has not been heard from...

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Neil Patrick Harris Given How I Met Your Mother Spinoff Titled "The Show You Actually Want to Watch."

Posted October 1, 2009 | 17:04:59 (EST)

Since the premiere of How I Met Your Mother, fans have believed the sitcom would be far superior if it narrowed its focus to exclusively follow the exploits of Barney, the beloved suit-wearing womanizer played by Neil Patrick Harris.

Finally they will get their wish.

CBS has green-lit a spinoff...

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Matt Damon Eats Ben Affleck To Gain Weight For The Informant!

Posted September 17, 2009 | 15:34:17 (EST)

For his upcoming role in The Informant!, popular actor Matt Damon was forced to gain 30 pounds, a feat he accomplished by ingesting less-popular actor, Ben Affleck.

While many stars struggle to gain weight for roles, Damon had no problem putting on the weight.

"It was very, very easy to...

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NBC Unveils New "More Blacks and Gays" Tagline

Posted September 1, 2009 | 03:13:08 (EST)




In an attempt to quell the naysayers of their "More Colorful" slogan, NBC cut right to the chase and unveiled another new tagline: "More Blacks and Gays."

"The public needs to know that we're not just catering to straight white 30-somethings," said Joe Johnson of...

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Man Brutally Murdered After Admitting To Not Like The Wire

Posted August 25, 2009 | 20:54:27 (EST)

A discussion about the cult-hit The Wire turned deadly when 27-year-old Steven Shaw was stabbed by friends who could not comprehend his lack of passion for the HBO drama.

Tensions initially arose when Shaw did not contribute to a "best instances of foreshadowing in the first season" debate. Explaining his...

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TNT Admits To Never Actually Broadcasting the First Half of The Shawshank Redemption

Posted July 30, 2009 | 17:37:23 (EST)

TNT execs revealed that they only own the rights to second half of the film The Shawshank Redemption, and has never actually broadcast the first "hour or so."

"Most Shawshank fans claim they can watch it from any point and it doesn't affect the viewing experience," explained one TNT exec....

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James Van Der Beek Unearthed in Archaeological Dig

Posted July 29, 2009 | 06:48:33 (EST)

An archaeological dig in Turkey unburied former teen heartthrob James Van Der Beek, finally revealing where he's been for the past decade.

While the goal of the dig was to uncover ruins from the Ottoman Empire, the archaeologist who first saw Van Der Beek showed no surprise and calmly announced,...

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Michael Jackson Dead, Facebook Reports

Posted June 25, 2009 | 20:51:19 (EST)

Social networking/news website Facebook interrupted its coverage of Farrah Fawcett's passing to break the story of Michael Jackson's death, as thousands of users updated their status messages with the announcement.

"RIP MJ ILL MISS U," wrote Facebook user/reporter Jennifer Collins who was on hand at her computer at the King...

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Guests Call Barbecue at Michael Bay's House "Excessive" and "A Bit Much"

Posted June 23, 2009 | 02:47:18 (EST)




Director and renowned blowhard Michael Bay left many guests disappointed after inviting them over for a casual, afternoon barbecue in his backyard. Expecting a simple meal, hungry friends and family were met with an over-the-top affair that failed to meet any of their already low...

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Confused Bono Facing Barrage of Questions About His Sex Change

Posted June 18, 2009 | 04:08:51 (EST)




U2's lead singer spent the better part of the past week denying claims that he's now a woman after a series of newspapers ran headlines such as "Bono Has Sex Change." The news was in reference to Chastity Bono, manly daughter of Cher, not the frontman...

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Panicked Kate Gosselin Selling Four Children

Posted June 12, 2009 | 13:42:13 (EST)

Fearing her family's recent ubiquitous tabloid presence will ultimately lead to their financial demise, mother of eight and TV bitch Kate Gosselin has begun taking measures to lower the Gosselin's cost of living.

She's selling half of her children.

It's unknown which of the Jon & Kate Plus 8 children...

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Abe Froman Furious Over Mysterious Credit Card Charge From Upscale Chicago Restaurant

Posted May 27, 2009 | 22:45:52 (EST)

Abe Froman, known throughout the Chicago-land area as the "Sausage King," is still fuming about an unpaid tab at the French Restaurant, Chez Quiz, which he was billed for over twenty years ago.

However, Froman claims he was unable to get a table at the upscale eatery and thus the...

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Zac Efron Asks "Who's Jason Priestly" After Jason Priestly Declares Efron "The New Jason Priestly"

Posted May 6, 2009 | 21:49:33 (EST)

Former 90210 and NASCAR heart-throb Jason Priestly recently emerged from obscurity to announce that Zac Efron is the "new Jason Priestly."

When Priestly told Efron in person, the 17 Again star was simultaneously confused and flattered.

"Wow, that's really an honor," said Efron while nodding awkwardly and looking around to...

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Mel Gibson's Wife Entitled To Half of the Kidnapped Jews in Basement

Posted April 16, 2009 | 16:27:13 (EST)

The divorce settlement between Mel Gibson and his wife has reached historic proportions. In addition to receiving close to $500 million, Robyn Gibson is now fighting for the right to keep half of the 42 Jews that the couple acquired during their 28 year marriage.

This new information was revealed...

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Pyramid-Sized Shia LaBeouf Erected In Egypt

Posted April 6, 2009 | 14:42:14 (EST)

Located just outside of Cairo, Giza has been the home to the Egyptian pyramids for thousands of years. Today, it is also home to Shia LaBeouf.

Egyptian President, Hosni Mubarak, cut the ribbon on what he's calling the nation's finest achievement, a pyramid-sized Shia LaBeouf.

Fulfilling the nation's longtime demand...

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Longing Voice-Over Ruins Wedding of "Winnie Cooper" Actress

Posted March 24, 2009 | 12:53:06 (EST)

Danica McKellar, better known as Winnie Cooper from The Wonder Years, married her longtime boyfriend, Mike Verta this weekend. Despite the beautiful ceremony, everyone in attendance was made uncomfortable as a wistful voice narrated the nuptials - a voice that sounded oddly like one of the Wet Bandits, the crime...

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Paul Rudd Literally Charms Pants Off Delighted Fan

Posted March 20, 2009 | 15:45:13 (EST)


After years of worshiping Paul Rudd's affable, comedic performances, Richard Thomas was met with a pleasant surprise when he bumped into the movie star at a neighborhood cheese shop.

His pants, which had been held up with a tightly-fastened belt, were charmed off.

Thomas, who'd harbored a...

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Dermot Mulroney and Dylan McDermott Join Forces to Become "Dermot McDermott"

Posted March 16, 2009 | 16:45:15 (EST)


For years, TV and film fans have mistaken the identities of actors Dermot Mulroney and Dylan McDermott. A modern day "Pullman and Paxton," these dark-haired leading men are often thought of as interchangeable.

Until now.

In a statement released by both actors, they have agreed to join...

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