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College Coaches Try to Find Perfect Analogy in Paying Tribute to Stanley Kaplan

Posted August 25, 2009 | 11:01:45 (EST)

NEW YORK (Sportsman's Daily Wire Service) The man indirectly responsible for helping scores of high school athletes squeak by their SATs and make it to the college ranks, died yesterday at the age of 90. Fittingly, several prominent college coaches paid tribute to Stanley Kaplan and his indispensable SAT prep...

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Angry Fans Attend Rangers-Twins Game Brandishing Firearms

Posted August 18, 2009 | 10:42:27 (EST)

ARLINGTON, TX (Sportsman's Daily Wire Service) Healthcare protestors who've been showing up outside town hall meetings with everything from holstered handguns to semi-automatic rifles, have apparently inspired a number of angry, gun-toting sports fans in and around Texas. Before last night's Rangers game against the Minnesota Twins, at least six...

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Goldman Sachs Traders Celebrate Earnings Report with Embarrassingly Awkward End Zone Dance

Posted July 14, 2009 | 13:10:46 (EST)

NEW YORK (Sportsman's Daily Wire Service) Few acts in recent memory caused more outrage across the political spectrum than the so-called Wall Street bailout - the $200 billion that was funneled from taxpayers to U.S. financial firms, including $10 billion to Goldman Sachs. Shell-shocked by the velocity of the economic...

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Bill Clinton Gives Clinic at Politics Camp; Gets Roughed Up in Volatile Q&A

Posted July 10, 2009 | 09:21:52 (EST)

WASHINGTON, DC (Sportsman's Daily Wire Service) -- For politically obsessed youngsters, scenic Camp Potomac is eight weeks of pure heaven. The sprawling grounds occupy the entire eighth floor of an office building in downtown Washington where cherub-faced campers get to spend all day rubbing shoulders with politicians and political operatives,...

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Suspiciously Beefed Up Cyclist with USA Development Team Suspended Pending Results of Drug Test

Posted July 7, 2009 | 10:35:59 (EST)

2009-07-07-vincesmith2.jpg

Colorado Springs, CO (Sportsman's Daily Wire Service) -- As cyclists battle the withering heat at this year's Tour de France, the cycling world was dealt a blow when it was revealed that Vince Smith, a highly touted young cyclist from Portland, Oregon was...

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Phil Jackson Prepares to Coach 2009-2010 Season from Home Office

Posted June 24, 2009 | 14:45:55 (EST)

LOS ANGELES (Sportsman's Daily Wire Service) Phil Jackson is getting set to join the legions of working men and women across the country who get up every morning, slide into their bathrobe and slippers, throw some cold water on their face, brew a pot of coffee and take the brief...

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Trash Talking Contestants Roil 82nd Annual Spelling Bee

Posted May 29, 2009 | 11:57:10 (EST)

WASHINGTON, DC (The Sportsman's Daily Wire Service) - Controversy clouded the victory of thirteen-year-old Kavya Shivashankar of Olathe, Kansas,who won the 82nd annual Scripps National Spelling Bee when she spelled "Laodicean," meaning lukewarm or indifferent, especially in matters of religion. Nancy Tretter, the Bee's security coordinator, described the ugly scene...

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Steelers' Harrison Turns Down White House Invitation; Will Visit When He Damn Pleases

Posted May 19, 2009 | 11:49:12 (EST)

PITTSBURGH (Sportsman's Daily Wire Service) The Steelers' James Harrison, the NFL Defensive Player of the Year, plans to skip the Super Bowl champions' visit to the White House on Thursday, just as he did when the Steelers visited President George W. Bush in June 2006. Harrison doesn't believe an invitation...

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Fear of Swine Flu Outbreak Quelled by Giants' Late Game Rally

Posted April 28, 2009 | 10:46:03 (EST)

SAN FRANCISCO (Sportsman's Daily Wire Service) Going into the bottom of the eighth a run down, Giants' left fielder Fred Lewis was finishing his last practice swings before heading toward the plate when up on AT&T Stadium's Jumbotron appeared what at any other time would be an adorable picture of...

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Detroit Lions Fan Claims Team's 0-16 Record as "Total Loss" on Tax Filing

Posted April 15, 2009 | 11:24:14 (EST)

DETROIT -- It was a rough year for Detroit area small business owners. It was particularly rough if you were also a fan of the hapless Detroit Lions, whose winless 2008 season set an NFL record for futility. While both the team's and the city's recovery are expected to be...

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Alex Rodriguez Lays Groundwork for Initial Public Offering

Posted April 14, 2009 | 16:17:04 (EST)

NEW YORK -- In between rehabbing his hip and working the MILF circuit, Alex Rodriguez spent a wild weekend with several out-of-work investment bankers who convinced A-Rod of his potential value as a publicly traded company. Rodriguez immediately embraced the idea of being the first professional athlete to trade (presumably...

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Two-Legged Modesto Man Disqualified from One-Legged Ass-Kicking Contest

Posted April 9, 2009 | 11:12:21 (EST)

SACRAMENTO, CA (The Sportsman's Daily Wire Service) -- Ralph Addison's dream of competing in the 12th annual One-Legged Ass-Kicking Contest, held every year at the McLatchy Fairgrounds in Sacramento, California, was dashed this past weekend, when it was learned he possessed not one, but two legs, a clear violation of...

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Obama Asks Michigan State Spartan Coach to Step Down

Posted April 7, 2009 | 09:28:22 (EST)

DETROIT -- The Obama administration asked Tom Izzo, coach of the Michigan State Spartans, to step down after his team suffered a thorough drubbing at the hands of the North Carolina Tar Heels in the NCAA championship game. Industry sources had said the White House planned very tough medicine, though...

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Sully Miraculously Onboard as Runaway Amtrak Train Lands Safely in Hudson

Posted March 24, 2009 | 09:33:12 (EST)

NEW YORK (Sportsman's Daily Wire Service) The 8:20 Amtrak train out of Penn Station was expected to arrive in Albany at 10:50, carrying a contingent of NY lawmakers who were accompanied by Chesley
Sullenberger, the celebrated pilot who was to be honored in the state capital later in the...

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Bill O'Reilly Rips Obama's Final Four Picks: "Concerns About Administration Growing"

Posted March 18, 2009 | 10:54:28 (EST)

NEW YORK - President Barack Obama filled out his NCAA bracket for ESPN Tuesday, picking Louisville, North Carolina, Memphis and Pittsburgh to make it to the Final Four - all number one seeds with the exception of No. 2 seeded Memphis.

On just about any other day, the President announcing...

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25,000 Americans Expected to Lose Mind During March Madness

Posted March 17, 2009 | 10:56:52 (EST)

WASHINGTON, DC -- March Madness is in the air. It's also in the water. And after three weeks of heart-stopping action, it will be seriously afflicting thousands of fans across the nation, some of whom will require months of counseling and care before they are able to regain their capacity...

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Squatters Occupying Vacant Luxury Boxes at Hard-Hit NBA Arenas

Posted March 3, 2009 | 15:50:43 (EST)

NEW YORK, NY -- The global economic crisis has the NBA reeling. While attendance is technically up (official figures include no-shows), revenues from parking, concessions and merchandise have fallen dramatically. To underscore the league's financial straits, 12 teams are vying for a piece of the $200 million the NBA is...

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Dubai Bans Swimsuit Issue Featuring Israeli Model

Posted February 17, 2009 | 10:22:03 (EST)

DUBAI -- Twenty-four hours after denying Israeli tennis pro Shahar Peer a Visa, prohibiting the world's 45th ranked player from participating in the Dubai Tennis Championship, Dubai officials ordered the confiscation of all copies of the 2009 Sports Illustrated (SI) Swimsuit Edition, which featured Israeli supermodel Bar Refaeli on...

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Flight Attendant Bedded the Mick and Spiro; Claims Former Veep Better in the Sack

Posted February 13, 2009 | 09:15:04 (EST)

NEW YORK, NY -- He was a long-ball threat every time he slipped under the covers.

"Mickey was a lot of fun and a beautiful man, but Spiro was a beast. People used to say he looked like a burrowing animal in a business suit. He did, actually. But it...

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New Formula Adjusts Historical Baseball Stats for Drug Inflation; Boosts Ruth's HR Total to 1,030

Posted February 11, 2009 | 09:47:33 (EST)

CHICAGO, Ill -- When Alex Rodriguez acknowledged that he used performance-enhancing drugs (PEDs) while playing for the Texas Rangers from 2001 to 2003, it cast doubt on more than his own prodigious accomplishments; it cast further doubt on the stats compiled during an entire era, sparking intense debate as to...

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