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Goldman Sachs Traders Celebrate Earnings Report with Embarrassingly Awkward End Zone Dance

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NEW YORK (Sportsman's Daily Wire Service) Few acts in recent memory caused more outrage across the political spectrum than the so-called Wall Street bailout - the $200 billion that was funneled from taxpayers to U.S. financial firms, including $10 billion to Goldman Sachs. Shell-shocked by the velocity of the economic free-fall, many relished the prospect of lavishly overcompensated Masters of the Universe being frog-marched out of their offices and off the trading floor, their big swinging dicks no longer big (or swinging).

While the firm repaid the $10 billion it was loaned (in order to be relieved of restrictions on employee compensation), news that they are about to report their largest profit since they set earnings records in 2007, angered the vast majority of Americans not in line for a gold-plated bonus. But when it was learned that at least ten senior Goldman Sachs traders let loose with an impromptu "in your face" end zone dance, anger turned into embarrassment, frustrating millions looking to seize any opportunity to channel their outrage.

"I don't really mind if some jackass wants to make a fool of himself in front of 50,000 hostile fans and a national TV audience doing a touchdown dance," said Roger Atwater, a 46 year-old out-of-work stock trader. "Actually, it's usually kind of entertaining, as most of the guys doing it have the moves down. But the thought of these ass-clowns in expensive suits doing the Icky Shuffle or some of that Ocho Cinco shit...look, I really want to hate these guys. I don't want to have to be embarrassed for them."

Nancy White, a 52 year-old former executive assistant with Lehman Brothers, found the image of the celebrating traders "disgusting and obscene...but ultimately pathetic."

"I've worked with and around these guys for over 25 years, I can easily picture the scene," said White. "Angry? No, not really. I think it's amusing, actually. The thought of ten traders simulating an end zone dance is about as funny as ten rhesus monkeys executing a sell order. But you know what would be really funny? Spiking their asses out the window and watching their Rolexes - and their bonuses -- go splat."