Jerry and Joe Long

Jerry and Joe Long

I'M A FAN OF THIS BLOGGER (get email alerts)

RSS
Jerry & Joe Long are satirists known as The Sturdy Beggars. They've
written, directed, and performed their own sketch comedy show on RCN
cable; a weekly radio show of religion, politics & sex on 50,000 watt
WPHT 1210AM in Philadelphia; and are Op-Ed contributors to the Philadelphia Inquirer. With Adam McKay, they co-wrote Will Ferrell's Global Warmin' Talk for the TBS special "Earth To America", and WhiteHouseWest. They are currently writing their first screenplay.


Among their idols are Graham Chapman, Servais LeRoy, John Lennon,
Julius Erving, Gore Vidal, and the originator of the padded resume.

Blog Entries by Jerry and Joe Long

McCain Urges American Men to Marry Their Richest Mistress

Posted October 6, 2008 | 12:07 PM (EST)


Bayonne, NJ - In an effort to deal with rapidly worsening economic conditions, John McCain called on cheating husbands to follow his example of tactical remarriage. Speaking in a dimly lit pickup joint to a crowd of self-described horndogs, McCain urged married men to "find a skirt what's got cabbage".

...
Read Post

The Inevitable McCain Attack Ad

1 Comments | Posted September 25, 2008 | 05:36 PM (EST)


Blatant lies, abject sleaze, even utter contempt for demonstrable reality have been staples of Republican campaigning since Lee Atwater's first cell phone. What distinguishes the McCain-Davis-Schmidt approach is that they don't even care what their version of the facts are. They will literally say anything.

We're pretty sure this ad...

Read Post

McCain To Give Acceptance Speech From 7 Stages

Posted August 28, 2008 | 11:15 AM (EST)


ST. PAUL, MINNESOTA -- Seeking to counter the "temple" appearance of Barack Obama's Invesco Field stage, John McCain will speak from a revolving series of platforms designed to resemble those homes he can remember. Campaign strategist/lobbyist Charlie Black hailed the set design as "a salute to the true American success...

Read Post

"WWTT"...WTF!!!

1 Comments | Posted August 25, 2008 | 03:22 PM (EST)


Read Post

Clintons To Form Third Party

Posted June 4, 2008 | 12:21 PM (EST)


NEW YORK...Hillary and Bill Clinton announced today that they are forming a new political party to continue her fight for the presidency. Seeking to draw comparisons with Theodore Roosevelt's 'Bull Moose', the new party will be called 'Surly Eris' for the Greek Goddess of discord and strife. According to the...

Read Post

First Draft Of Maya Angelou's Open Letter

Posted April 25, 2008 | 09:17 AM (EST)


Read Post

The Clintons Campaign the Way Bush Governs

Posted April 23, 2008 | 03:31 PM (EST)


Read Post

What Passes For Debate

Posted April 17, 2008 | 11:24 AM (EST)


Read more reactions from Huffington Post bloggers to ABC's Pennsylvania Democratic debate

Back in the days of our radio show, our standard name for the media was one taken from Jerry Lewis..."pimps and whores". After last night, it's obvious we were too kind.

Instead of sonorously intoning various...

Read Post

'What Ever Happened To Baby Hillary?'

11 Comments | Posted March 26, 2008 | 11:16 AM (EST)


All About Eve is a wonderful movie. The story of Eve Harrington, a covetous, lying, back stabber, and her ascension to stardom. Yet it was a central insight of Joseph Mankowitz, the writer and director of the film, that Eve wasn't merely aspiring...she was insane.

So too Hillary Clinton. Yet...

Read Post

The Clinton Death March

Posted March 5, 2008 | 11:45 AM (EST)


To watch Hillary Clinton's "victory" speech last night in which she extravagantly celebrated coming from 20 points ahead one month ago in Ohio was to see personified everything the Clintons are.

It's not that the speech was full of their typical pettiness -- "No candidate in recent history Democratic...

Read Post

Screw Unity...We Will Never Vote For The Clintons Again

Posted February 15, 2008 | 09:18 AM (EST)


We come from three generations of steelworkers. Bethlehem Steel. You may have heard of it. It will soon be a casino. Our grandfather cast his first vote for FDR in 1932. Our dad shook JFK's hand and wished him luck in 1960. In November, there has never been another option...

Read Post

Surveying The Republican Field

Posted January 24, 2008 | 10:49 AM (EST)


In the beginning, to view the GOP candidates at their first debate podiums...Tommy Thompson, Brownback, Gilmore, Hunter...was to believe you had stumbled across some deleted country club ballroom scene from Caddyshack. You half expected to see Ted Knight standing there in a crested blazer sipping a vodkatini and muttering about...

Read Post

Clinton Aide Accuses Obama of Fathering Two Black Girls

Posted January 4, 2008 | 11:07 AM (EST)


Manchester NH -- Mark Penn, senior political strategist for the Hillary Clinton campaign, today urged Barack Obama to "come clean" and admit that he has fathered two African American girls.

Penn, speaking to reporters on the Manchester airport tarmac as he was getting his hair re-slimed, defended raising the issue...

Read Post

Derek Shearer's Lips Meet Hillary's Bottom

Posted December 11, 2007 | 11:32 AM (EST)


It's been our policy never to negatively comment on other Huffpo bloggers for a couple of very sound reasons. One...who the hell are we? Two...we just assume there's someone somewhere that, for instance, finds Danielle Crittenden amusing.

But the ode of Derek Shearer to the wife of his former...

Read Post

Bush Demands That Iran Act Like Israel

Posted December 6, 2007 | 01:30 PM (EST)


WASHINGTON--President Bush said today that the government of Iran could avoid continued economic sanctions and potential military conflict with the United States if, like Israel, they never admit having nuclear weapons.

Anonymous White House sources hailed the president's latest initiative as a very effective way of cutting down on his...

Read Post

A Scooter Matalin Carville Halloween

Posted October 31, 2007 | 10:35 AM (EST)


All Hallow's Eve...that most magical, spirit-filled, scary night.

Ever alert in their preemptive pumpkin patch, the berserk Norman Podhoretz and Midge my-loins-moisten-for-Donald Rumsfeld Dector keep bellicose vigil. Salivating for the two most profound cowards in the history of our executive branch to rain 30,000 pound bombs on Iran.

Rudy...

Read Post

"I'll Give Some Speeches, Just to Replenish the Ol' Coffers."

Posted September 3, 2007 | 11:34 AM (EST)


Just when you feel impenetrably numb to the delusional ravings of our Punk In Chief, comes a sentence so multilayered in obscenity, so richly textured with arrogance and solipsism as to make Ayn Rand look like Albert Schweitzer.

Let's put aside the coffers of thousands of Americans and tens...

Read Post

1st Draft of Cheney's Letter to Grandchildren

Posted August 2, 2007 | 12:26 PM (EST)


Dear Kate, Elizabeth, Grace, Philip, Richard, and Sam,

As I write this, your portfolios are all performing quite well. My principal focus as Vice President has been to protect all the money I have made from doing business with Iran and Iraq, and buying up companies with lots and lots...

Read Post

Bush Meets With Edward Gibbon

Posted July 6, 2007 | 10:52 AM (EST)


WASHINGTON - As part of the ongoing effort to determine his place among previous absolute rulers of the world, President Bush met today with historian Edward Gibbon.

Gibbon, author of The Decline And Fall Of The Roman Empire, was given three minutes alone with Bush in the Oval Office to...

Read Post

Bush And Our "TV Screens"

Posted April 20, 2007 | 10:45 AM (EST)


It has always been a pseudo-obscenity to hear our Commode In Chief refer to the carnage in Iraq as violence that we see "on our TV screens". A way to convey tangible, confirmable, irrefutable death as though it were a media-created entertainment.

On any day in Baghdad, when you read...47...

Read Post

Bloggers Index›