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Jerry and Joe Long Headshot

A Scooter Matalin Carville Halloween

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All Hallow's Eve...that most magical, spirit-filled, scary night.

Ever alert in their preemptive pumpkin patch, the berserk Norman Podhoretz and Midge my-loins-moisten-for-Donald Rumsfeld Dector keep bellicose vigil. Salivating for the two most profound cowards in the history of our executive branch to rain 30,000 pound bombs on Iran.

Rudy Giuliani, the original first responder, who has no trouble fielding calls from his current wife unless she happens to be using a FDNY radio, continues looking presidential. Republicans, above all, value the strong man. As for his chances with Christians, they were predisposed to follow lunatics centuries before John Of Leyden and his 16 wives sat babbling naked in a Munster stream.

Meanwhile, the great Elvis Costello is serenading Hillary as "Mrs. President" and more and more Dems seemed resigned to the Clinton Restoration and four more years of tiny victories and slashing Howard Wolfson emails and marshaling the forces of progressivism to ensure ... well...four more years after that. Say what you will of the Whigs, but at least they gave a shit who they nominated.

Yet amid all, there is heartwarming news. This is the first Halloween Scooter Libby can enjoy, commuted from the consequences of his actions. For as anyone who read Mary Matalin & James Carville's tearful missive to Judge Walton knows, Scooter has a "universal love of families" and personally saved Halloween for the Cheney grandkids when they had to be whisked to an undisclosed location due to "unfolding threatening events".

No doubt at this very moment he is donning his Senior White House Official costume and decorating the front porch with miniature waterboards and classified information. Waiting expectantly for the children in his privileged circle to avail themselves of the Laffy Taffy and Milk Duds which taxpayers purchased from Halliburton at a 10,000 percent markup.

For that is Washington. The people who brought us this war and the Clintonians who say they will end it are the same people. Whatever the election result, all will be right with DC...and that should be the scariest thing of all.