McCain To Give Acceptance Speech From 7 Stages

ST. PAUL, MINNESOTA -- Seeking to counter the "temple" appearance of Barack Obama's Invesco Field stage, John McCain will speak from a revolving series of platforms designed to resemble those homes he can remember. Campaign strategist/lobbyist Charlie Black hailed the set design as "a salute to the true American success story of a man who found the courage to marry the richest of his mistresses after his first wife got crippled."

The design is said to be a departure from George W. Bush's 2004 stage, which depicted the 43rd President with visible stigmata descending from a cross-like structure with God's gift of freedom under his arm. Campaign adviser/lobbyist Rick Davis mocked Obama's "fascination with democratic symbols" adding "unlike our opponent, John knows what it's like to drop bombs on women and children and how important it is that we can do so whenever we want".

NBC's Tom Brokaw was given a tour of the McCain stage and came away objective. "I love John McCain", burbled Brokaw, "I just really really really really love him. He excites me. He enthralls me. He completes me."