4 Ways To Get Past Cold Feet (Or Any Kind Of Anxiety)

Fresh Living blogger Holly Lebowitz Rossi recently wrote a helpful post on how to get past cold feet or any second-guessing for that matter. She writes:

I have a theory about why moving inherently involves a cold-feet stage. Here it is--moving is a zillion tiny decisions all crammed inside a giant, life-altering decision. And inside a human brain, those all conspire to result in self-doubt and second-guessing.

I suspect her theory is correct. And it is compounded by any underlying depression or anxiety disorder. In fact, at every "check up from the neck up" as Eric likes to call my psychiatric sessions, Dr. Smith will always ask me, "Have you had a hard time making decisions lately?" To which I will respond, "Ummm. Well.... Let's see....."

That has always been a clear indicator of my depression or anxiety level: how difficult decisions are. They are excruciating at times, not only for me, but also for the waiter. "Just decide on a damn salad dressing and let me wait my other 10 tables, Lady."

"But the raspberry-vinaigrette will go so well with the goat cheese .... and yet, I do love the peppercorn ...."

I loathe any kind of big decision ... something that will affect me for longer than a 24 hour period.

Like choosing a major.

I'm still deliberating on that one. Was religious studies really the best fit for me? What would my life be like had I pursued international business like my father wanted me too? Would I be really rich today? Could I afford to pay for the tea that I'm drinking with dollars instead of dimes that I found in my kids' rooms?

The big whammy--marriage--oh my. I freaked out, big time, three weeks before the wedding, at which time I almost called it off. My body was literally shaking with anxiety, and I didn't have a clue where all the fear was coming from.

Thankfully, a loving friend--the priest who married Eric and me--talked to me every day leading up to the wedding. He helped me separate the legitimate worriers (Eric and I were a tad religiously incompatible) from the heavy childhood baggage and useless anxiety that loves to surface during these kind of life-changing moments. I recorded my thoughts on paper, so that I could process some of the chaos inside my mind those weeks.

Kids?

I won't go there. Let's just say I still wonder if I'm made of the right stuff to raise these guys.

I could have used Holly's four techniques to get past the cold feet, brain farts or whatever. In fact, I find them to be excellent tools for anxiety, in general:

Comments

[dontomas]

Maybe you should slow down the brain and just concentrate on the now which appears to be raising your children or living without anxiety. Most of our worries and anxieties are just a result of too much emphasis placed on the ego or "me" which is just a total barrier to living joyfully. Perhaps rather than trying to make a decision one should just look at who is making the decision, such as "why am I so anxious" to actually see the problem usually solves all.

[chaz]

Do you have any suggestions for getting over a fear of flying?

[tedled]

... a body (& head) that's clean and clear of salty & sticky foods is what works for me, because salty sticky foods suffocate my body-cells ... and airplane air is poor quality due to the fact that it's re-cycled and at lower pressure than atmospheric sea-level pressure ... same applies to motion-sickness on boats and sometimes in cars, etc

[FOAF of Dorothy]

Ms. Borchard's probably could give some better advice than I could, but, based on my bitter experience as a life-long phobic and depressive, there is nothing like the works of Claire Weekes
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Claire_Weekes.

I've had all kind of therapies, from New Age-y past-life
'work', to massive doses of benzos and SSRIs, but the only thing that continues to work is what I got from Dr. Weekes' books.

Flying and airports were one of the first phobias I conquered (with a combination of positive visualization, repeated in-vivo trials, and- most important - ACCEPTANCE).

I now have a great job in the aviation field. They don't let us take drugs, as you can guess. I still get panicky from time to time, and that's when I get out 'Peace from Nervous Suffering' and go through the checklist. It's good to take care of yourself when you have the opportunity, but a combat veteran doesn't always have the luxury to refuse sweet or sticky food or take a yoga class; we can direct our breating and our thoughts to further re-direct our actions.

Good luck.

See you in the sky.

[chaz]

What about a fear of flying?

[nantucketsunset]

Also, realize how your ambivalence is affecting other people whose fates are involved in (sometimes decided by) your decisions. Particularly relationship decisions - marriage, kids, etc.

If you act positive and relaxed about a relationship for a long time, then suddenly get cold feet and start ennumerating (either mentally, on paper, to other people, or to the partner) the negative qualities of that person and what might go wrong on your path together, you need to realize how hurtful that is, how it seems you were shallow if you hadn't already thought about these issues and dealt with them before now, how you are scrutinizing them suddenly in a harsh light when they've never done that to you, how you are determining if you could get better "offers". This can be deeply painful - and the partner knows that you are doing this, even if you don't fully explain your doubts.

Additionally, by dragging out decisions that involve other people, keeping situations on "pause", you are exerting control over them, running the show, but you are also not being fair.

Maybe if you deliberately try to view the situations you are in realistically (being observant of the good and the bad), and decide your positions on these points AS YOU GO, building up these small decisions behind you, it might be less likely that you will reach a crisis point where there is a fork in the road and you get paralyzed. But, you can never know the future.

[tedled]

... "cold feet" is the result of restricted blood circulation due to salty & sticky foods ... salt tightens & sticky thickens, especially in the very small "pipes" in my feet & hands & head ... gotta keeps my pipes clean & pores clear by fasting & eating non-sticky foods ... this is the first step to a clear head and positive thoughts and good behavior for me

[rugbymom]

Step 5: Once you've decided, don't revisit. Don't waste time obsessing over "what if's" on decisions that are already gone and done. I waste so much energy on those -- many of them decisions 20 or 30 years in my past. It's done. Let go. You did the best you could at the time. Or maybe you didn't, but life gave you a second or third or fifteenth chance anyway.

[whoknew---]

I usually look over the options and go with the best one.

You're right "don't revisit" because even if maybe things could of been better there is still no reason to beat yourself up if something goes wrong.

You did the best you can do.

[Jyoti Naik]

Great advice. I needed it. Thanks :-)

[HoneyBQuick]

This was helpful. Thank you!

[tedled]

.. the real first for me is to clear my head so that i can think clearly ... to do this means not eating any sticky or salty foods while my body eliminates those bad foods from my head ... after all, i can't think positive thoughts if my head is feeling bad ... 'nuff said

[whoknew---]

I believe you spot on...

Eating the right foods have made a change in my life along with a few vitamins..­.

No more soda pop or too much sweets (okay maybe a little)...

I don't feel like I'm dragging myself around...

Along with a little exercise really helps...

[tedled]

... just remember that salt is dried seawater, and just as harmful in my body as drinking seawater
... and foods that stick to my fingers also stic to my blood vessels and brain-cells and suffocate my skin-pores
... the formula for papier-mache paste = flour+water, which is the same formula for breads, PASTEtries, pastas, etcetera
... elvis was bloated & killed by eating too much of his favorite elvis-sandwiches, made of peanut-butter & bacon & bread, all fried in lard
... the other biggie is carbonated beverages, with carbon-dioxide bubbles, which block healthy oxygen from my body cells

[GwenEcho]

Absolutely - food is medicine - the right foods give us energy (to cope with life) and a sense of clear headed well being - gotta allow yourself some junk once in awhile for balance tho