In Spring 2006 the depression of two very successful men made newspaper headlines in Maryland. Phil Merrill, a renowned publisher, entrepreneur and diplomat in the Washington area, took his own life. Eleven days later Montgomery County Executive Douglas Duncan withdrew his candidacy for governor of Maryland because of his struggle with depression. For weeks, newspapers covered male depression, including the stories of Abraham Lincoln, Winston Churchill, Archbishop Raymond Roussin, Mike Wallace, William Styron, Art Buchwald and Robin Williams.
That was unusual. Because, in the majority of media stories and infomercials, depression is regarded as a feminine thing ... a result of all of the hormonal shifts and baby-making stuff. The reality? Six million men, or seven percent of American men, suffer from depression, and millions more suffer silently because they either don't recognize the symptoms, which can vary from women's, or they are too ashamed to get help for what they see as a woman's disease. These 7 techniques were written for men to address the hidden desperation so many feel, and to expose the truth about mood disorders and gender.
1. Get a male perspective.
When I hit bottom after the birth of my second baby, I was lucky enough to see Brook Sheild's beautiful face on "Oprah" describing how I felt. In her book, and in Kay Redfield Jamison's "An Unquiet Mind" and Tracy Thompson's "The Ghost in the House," I found female companionship, as they articulated what was happening to me. That alone made me less scared.
There are some wonderful books tackling the male perspective of depression. Among them: "I Don't Want to Talk About It: Overcoming the Secret Legacy of Male Depression" by Terrence Real, "Unmasking Male Depression" by Archibald Halt, and, of course, the classic, "Darkness Visible" by William Styron. There are also an array of blogs by men on the topic of depression and mental health. For example, check out "Storied Mind," "Chipur.com," "Knowledge Is Necessity," "Lawyers with Depression," "Midlife-Men.com," "Finding Optimism," and "A Splintered Mind."
2. Identify the symptoms.
Part of what makes male depression so misunderstood is that a depressed guy doesn't act the way a depressed lady does, and the feminine symptoms are the ones most often presented in pharmaceutical ads and in glossy brochures you pick up at your doctor's office . For example, it is not uncommon for a man to complain to his primary care physician about sleep problems, headaches, fatigue and other unspecified pain, some or all of which may be related to untreated depression. In her Newsweek article, "Men & Depression," Julie Scelfo writes, "Depressed women often weep and talk about feeling bad; depressed men are more likely to get into bar fights, scream at their wives, have affairs or become enraged by small inconveniences like lousy service at a restaurant."
3. Limit the alcohol.
An interesting study by Yale University discovered that men and women respond to stress differently. According to lead scientist Tara Chaplin, women are much more likely to feel sad or anxious as a result of stress, whereas men turn to alcohol. "Men's tendency to crave alcohol when upset may be a learned behavior or may be related to known gender differences in reward pathways in the brain," she said. The tendency, however, puts men at more risk for alcohol-use disorders. And since alcohol is, itself, a depressive, you really don't want a lot of it in your system. Trust me on this one.
4. Watch the stress.
You can't drink away your worries, so what DO you do? I offer 10 stress busters. But I imagine the most important way to manage stress for men is to work in a job and environment that isn't ... well ... toxic. Unfortunately, the more impressive your title, the more stress brewing underneath your skin. Dr. Charles Nemeroff, a psychiatrist who treated both Tom Johnson (president of CNN during the 90s) and philanthropist J.B. Fuqua says stress is a major factor in male depression and a CEO's (or any executive's) higher stress level makes them more vulnerable to the illness. The pressure can become unbearable. Unfortunately, some men will have to choose between good mental health and the corner office.
5. Help another dude.
At age 46 Philip Burguieres was running a Fortune 500 company. Now he lends a hand to CEOs who are living lives of quiet desperation and have nowhere to turn. In an interview with PBS, Burguieres said, "I am open about my own experience, and I share my story with other CEOs in lecture settings several times a year [because] I have found that helping other people helps me, and keeps me healthier." Art Buchwald, another very successful depressive, said in a "Psychology Today" interview some years back that talking about his depression helped him as much as the people he was talking to. It seems to me that the more misunderstood the illness, the greater the need to reach out and help each other.
6. Find an outlet.
One of my male friends who is a tad depressed right now says all he needs to feel better is 18 holes of golf. I'm not sure that chasing the little white ball has the same therapeutic faculties as a high-impact hour of counseling, but I trust that he knows himself better than I know him. What I do know without a doubt is that men are much happier when they can retreat into a "man cave" or a safe corner of the world and do their thing. Some might need a little assistance finding that happy place. So keep trying on those pastimes until one fits and lets you take a deep breath.
7. Tend to the marriage.
Depression leads women into affairs and divorce. But I suspect there are even more casualties with men's depression. In a poignant blog post, John A. discusses his longing to leave a good marriage as the "active" face of the illness. He writes, "We often focus on the passive symptoms, the inactivity, the isolation, sense of worthlessness, disruption of focused thought, lack of will to do anything. But paradoxically the inner loss and need can drive depressed people to frenzied action to fill the great emptiness in the center of their lives. They may long to replace that inadequate self with an imagined new one that makes up for every loss." Yet, by loving the partner beside you, even though it can feel counter-intuitive and unnatural, you can protect yourself (to a certain extent) from the blows of depression and make yourself more resilient to future episodes.
Click here for even more depression busters for men.
Originally published on Beyond Blue at Beliefnet.com. Therese J. Borchard writes the daily blog, "Beyond Blue," on Beliefnet.com and is author of Beyond Blue: Surviving Depression & Anxiety and Making the Most of Bad Genes and The Pocket Therapist: An Emotional Survival Kit. Subscribe to Beyond Blue here or visit her at www.ThereseBorchard.com.
Follow Therese Borchard on Twitter: www.twitter.com/thereseborchard
Depression in Men - Symptoms and Physical Effects
Male depression: Understanding the issues - MayoClinic.com
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Depression Linked to Urinary Incontinence in Men
12 Depression Busters for Men: Help for Men Struggling with Depression
I couldn't even tell from reading the article if I am depressed nor anything to relieve depression. Tend to the marriage? I'm gay.
The real task here is to lift the stigma of depression for men, and even more difficult even with that lifted is getting a man to admit he's depressed and seek help. Society has taught men that if they aren't always in control or feeling strong, then they are failing.
I know a man who loves to "psychoanalyze" everyone and particularly likes to tell the females in his life how depressed they are. Reality is, the ladies (wives, daughters, sisters, friends) have their ups and downs, but they are very active, engaged and socially connected. The man, on the other hand, shows one sign after another of depression. Even trying to help him with not calling him depressed (which just sets him off), the ladies are getting nowhere because the man is so down, the mentality is now, "I'm right and everyone else is wrong," another symptom of the isolation and disconnect.
1 - Sex. Need it a minimum of once every 3 months or I get depressed.
2 - Sunlight. I need a minimum of a half hour of time in the sun every day or I don't produce enough melatonin or Vitamin D
3 - Exercise. Minimum of 30 minutes 3 days a week.
4 - Time with people outside of work. Hanging and laughing with friends is a great stress reliever.
5 - Listening to music...it soothes the savage beast.
6 - Cannabis Sativa and Cannabis Indica...the sativa winds you up and makes you happy (but in excess will make you paranoid) the indica relaxes you and quiets your mind (but in excess makes you lazy)
The perfect way out of depression, and into blissful happiness!
but you've left out one of the most effective depression busters (for men) that there is...
...and it involves receiving an unexpected, highly enthusiastic, and no-strings-attached session of oral stimulation from someone who gives the distinct impression that she (he?) is enjoying the giving too, and who doesn't shy away from the denouement.
That will lift a man's spirits like nothing else.
You will always have peace no mater your circumstance
When you trust in the Lord with all your heart and soul.
Why stay miserable, unhappy and lost
When the joys of goodness should be your goal?
The Lord’s hand is not short, it can save anyone
Sin is what separates you from His grace.
When you die without Christ you’re dead forever
Lost in the darkness of shame, despair and disgrace.
Remember God always keeps every promise
And you should trust Him to change your fate.
When you suffer from troubles, heartbreak and pain
Stay focused on His word before it’s too late.
The key to everlasting peace is your relationship with God
And His splendor surpasses all worldly understanding.
You will never know peace if you refuse to submit
Rendering life too dreadful, outrageous and demanding.
To keep from being doomed and blown off course.
Christ is your anchor in life’s storm filled sea.
When you’re tested by circumstance, He will override
Freeing you from trepidation to be blessed, by Thee.
By Conservative Poet &
Soldier For The Lord
Tom Zart
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http://www.veteranstodayforum.com/viewforum.php?f=38
=Among other benefits, regular exercise:
1--Gets you into a healthy routine (that has side-benefits in terms of healthier eating and getting a better night's sleep);
2--Develops a sense of mastery and self-control (i.e., maybe I'm still looking for love or a better job,
but, at least, I'm getting in better shape and losing weight);
3--Gets you out of the house - of course, you can exercise indoors, but what's better than a nice run
(or a long walk) in the sun? Anyhow, it alot healthier than laying on the sofa, watching "Law & Order" re-runs and munching "Tostitos."
4--Exercising, whether outdoors or at a gym/fitness club, provides an opportunity to meet new people.
It can lead, for example, to getting into a workout group or just a regular, fun pick-up volleyball or softball game.
Etc.!
What a bunch of s***t
I battled the bottom feeling of HOPElessness, as dark as you can get, thinking I was a failure in every corner of my existence. Especially as a father and a husband; no one around me cared about my situation, as the wife continued to be the focus. It was all exacerbated by a continuing reinforcement of everything that didn't work in our home was my fault. I was generally the worthless man and she continued to remind me of my gender faults. Meanwhile three very powerful options always existed; 1) leave or find another woman, 2) self medicate (alcohol was my medication), or the all time favorite, 3) off myself in a very spectacular way that would get everyone's attention.
Even after 23+ years of sobriety the highs and lows of depression dominate my life. I was on antidepressants for 10 years thinking that it would help. They made things for me much worse because the depression still looms large, the drug just dumb'd down the level. I left my family because I could take no more of the isolation within the relationship... I found comfort in others who actually understood my depression, not condemn me for being a failure.
Diet and exercise and it has changed my life. I am much happier and trying to dig out of the emotional abyss.
Depression often can heighten anger and aggressive tendencies. Depression isn't always "anger turned inward." It's often accompanied by sheer frustration, which then manifests itself in irrational lashing out. I've known depressed men with these demonstrations. When the root cause of their depression is addressed (e.g., frustration with their work/job/career), it's amazing to see the turnaround brought on by the lifting of the weight on the shoulders when they no longer feel emasculated, diminshed and thwarted by a lousy work environment.
You'll see a lot of this going on as people deal with the "situational depression" caused by job loss and the financial worry of this recession.
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