One of my depression busters is to "become the expert."
This means, as I'm peeing my pants about where Eric and I are going to get our next paycheck, I am doling out advice on how to cope with such anxiety. In telling someone else what you are SUPPOSED to be doing, I actually learn the lesson myself. And then I think if I can actually fool people into thinking that I have it all together, maybe I COULD have it altogether.
Nah.....
A few days ago a reader wrote me this email:
Lately I have been nearly paralyzed with fear and anxiety about financial issues. I have contacted my former shrink and hope she will take me back. Could you possible write an entry about dealing with and handling such fear? I'm sure that it would help me so much.
Ironically, I read it an hour after I got off the phone with my friend Michelle and vented about all the anxiety I have lately regarding finances, and that I've never in my whole life--that includes college--not been able to pay off my credit card. To this OCDer who loves numbers--that is, BLACK numbers--a little red ink can send me into a tissy.
What do I do? These two things. (Twin powers, activate!)
1. Imagine the worst.
That's not a typo. Interestingly enough, going to the absolute worst scenario in that imagination of yours can bring peace.
The second time I was hospitalized, I was disabled in panic: fear that I would never get well, fear that I would be hospitalized for a year like some of the other patients, fear that I would never be able to work again or contribute anything to my family or the community.
Then my friend Mike told me to forget about it. Forget about all those "goals" or "aspirations" ... the ones that required me to graduate from the psych ward ASAP. "You're fine," he said in the most peaceful way. "You've got everything you need."
I will always remember that moment. So when I am wrapped in anxiety about something like having no money to pay for swim lessons and school uniforms for the kids, I go to a place in my mind where I don't need the school uniforms and swim lessons.
I remind myself that if both Eric and I can't find work, then we can sell our house and buy a very small apartment in the suburbs. We can pluck our kids from Catholic school, even as much as I would hate doing that, and move to a better school district where they could go to public school free.
We will still have running water.
We would have a roof over our heads.
We both could possibly wait tables or work at a bookstore, or something that would at least provide minimum pay.
2. Be like an eagle.
Did you know that an eagle knows when a storm is approaching long before it breaks? The eagle will fly to some high spot and wait for the winds to come. When the storm hits, it sets its wings so that the wind will pick it up and lift it above the storm. While the storm rages below, the eagle is soaring above it. The eagle does not escape the storm. It simply uses the storm to lift it higher. It rises on the winds that bring the storm.
Remember, it is not the burdens of life that weigh us down, it is how we handle them.
***
Originally published on Beyond Blue at Beliefnet.com. To read more of Therese, visit her blog, Beyond Blue at Beliefnet.com, or subscribe here. You may also find her at www.thereseborchard.com.
Follow Therese Borchard on Twitter:
www.twitter.com/thereseborchard
One of my depression busters is to "become the expert." This means, as I'm peeing my pants about where Eric and I are going to get our next paycheck, I am doling out advice on how to cope with su...
One of my depression busters is to "become the expert." This means, as I'm peeing my pants about where Eric and I are going to get our next paycheck, I am doling out advice on how to cope with su...
A healthy attitude is important, especially as it relates to helping to put a roof over your head and food on the table.
left over from the 50's and the whole dying military industrial complex (which is clearly completely owned by the banks and insurance companies which are just controlling financial institutions themselves and certainly not around to help anyone but themselves) coupled with a dying planet and dwindling resources (since we stupidly are not using free sun and free wind) there will be more anxiety and for most , cutting out "swimming lessons" is going to be the least of it.
Meanwhile get over your anxiety by meditating at least some daily and doing something - anything
productive to resolve what it is you are worried about.
"At the beginning of World War II the U.S. had a mere 600 or so first-class fighting aircraft. We rapidly overcame this short supply by turning out more than 90,000 planes a year. The question at the start of World War II was: Do we have enough funds to produce the required implements of war? The answer was No, we did not have enough money, nor did we have enough gold; but we did have more than enough resources. It was the available resources that enabled the US to achieve the high production and efficiency required to win the war. Unfortunately this is only considered in times of war." [14]
Fresco states that for this to work, all of the Earth's resources must be held as the common heritage of all people and not just a select few; and the practice of rationing resources through monetary methods is irrelevant and counter-productive to our survival. (taken from Wikipedia re Jacque Fresco)
Truly
Take a walk. Breathe. Spend time with friends who don't moan too much.
Find out how much you'd be living on if your job disappears and try to live on that for a few months. That will give you an ideal taste of the things in your life that could be cut right now and put into savings if you're one of the fortunate people to still have a job and some extras.
I wish I'd done that before my husband lost his job in December. I laugh now at all of the things I used to think were necessities.
I count my blessings every day that our home was paid down to a level that gives us more affordable payments than even the cheapest apartment and that we've always been responsible with credit cards... although we did have to max them over the past 8 months just to live while we were being overlooked by unemployment payments.
My tips for coping: go now and volunteer at your local shelter and food bank so that if you do end up in financial trouble, you'll know what actual poverty looks like and you'll have picked up some tips from people who are truly coping (or not coping) with it.
Truly
Perhaps this so called financial crisis only exists because we allow ourselves to become victums of circumstance.
When we relinquish responsibility for our lives we allow life to dictate to us and we become victims. We react to circumstances and have little control over our life.
Those affected by the 'financial opportunity' (I refuse to see a crisis), are those that have allowed circumstance to dictate to them how they should live. We are not masters of our lives when we are constantly reacting. We react to prices, we react to politics, we react to religeous beliefs, we react to relationships.
We become most empowered when we begin to create within our own existance and dont allow circumstance to dictate how we live our lives.
We create when we are authentic to our unique calling. When we are not real with ourselves we cannot possibly live a life outside of reaction. We live a life lying to ourselves trying to believe that we are doing what we really want and living the way we really choose to.
We live according to other peoples ideals instead of our own.
This is not life...this is prison,
The only way out is to be an authentic human being and answer to your unique talents. Do what you love to do...not for security...for love!
Are you really so out of touch?
Moving to a smaller house and pulling your kids out of private school are the WORST case Scenarios?
What about if there is no smaller house... what about if losing your job means not paying your rent? What about if losing your job means losing your insurance coverage and hence losing your treatment for your pre existing condition or worse yet, your child's pre-existing condition?
Imagine the worst?
What if the BEST case worst case scenario is dying slowly as an invalid and being a drain on your family and loved ones?
Come on! Seriously. Was this an ironic post or is this woman just a ignorant twit who has NO idea what's really going on?
Sorry I usually try to be funny or insightful, but this has me livid.
Sell the house, oh sure that will be easy. After all there are only thousands of home for sale in just about every area in America. Sell the house for what? Less than you owe? That wouldn't work . Many banks are not agreeing to let houses go for less than what is owed. Heck, my house is is worth about 70,000 less than I paid for it. How can I sell it when I owe more than it will sell for?
Rent an apartment? Good luck if you have defaulted on your credit cards or have late payments. Your credit is shot and many apartments place value on your credit not your credibility.
Work for minimum wage? Theresa do you know what minimum wage is? It is around $7.00 and hour. Good luck living on that.
The worst case scenario for is is filing for bankruptcy, walking away from a house all while trying to find a half way decent place to live.
Enough it with the Death Panel scenarios, please.
It is going to be alright.
That is the point.
It is going to be alright.