Positive Thinking: Use Caution

Back in July, John Cloud wrote a piece for "Time" Magazine called "Yes, I Suck: Self-Help Through Negative Thinking." In the article, Cloud lays out the research why "cognitive restructuring," the process of retraining your thoughts--of changing self-defeating attitudes to constructive ones--simply doesn't work.

Actually, it's worse than that.

Sometimes when we tell ourselves statements that we don't really believe ("I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and gosh darn it, people like me"), it can decrease the little self-esteem we had to begin with. As I mentioned in my post "Happy Thoughts Can Make You Sad," this is precisely why Dr. Smith told me to stay away from self-help books when I was suicidal three years ago. In a severely depressed state, any efforts made to reverse thinking can actually activate the amygdala or fear center of your brain. In other words, it can have the opposite effect of what you're going for.

So what's the alternative?

In February of 2006, Cloud penned another interesting article that was recently brought to my attention by Joshua Shenk, author of "Lincoln's Melancholy." Cloud writes about the "third wave of therapy" from psychologists like Steven Hayes, who wrote "Get Out of Your Mind & Into Your Life." Unlike most psychologists, Hayes writes in the introduction that "suffering is normal and it is the unusual person who learns how to create peace of mind."

Here's how Cloud explains the psychology of Hayes and like minds:

Hayes and other third wavers say trying to correct negative thoughts can, paradoxically, intensify them, in the same way that a dieter who keeps telling himself "I really don't want the pizza" ends up obsessing about ... pizza. Rather, Hayes and the roughly 12,000 students and professionals who have been trained in his formal psychotherapy, which is called acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT), say we should acknowledge that negative thoughts recur throughout life. Instead of challenging them, Hayes says, we should concentrate on identifying and committing to our values. Once we become willing to feel negative emotions, he argues, we will find it easier to figure out what life should be about and get on with it. That's easier said than done, of course, but his point is that it's hard to think about the big things when we're trying so hard to regulate our thinking.

I'm with Hayes to a certain degree. For the same reasons that Dr. Smith told me yesterday (yet again) to put down the self-help literature: It was making me feel worse. Because when I can't change the negative intrusive thought into a positive thought, I feel as though I have failed. And when I reach a low period, which I have recently, it's increasingly difficult for me to transform my thoughts. Thus, I feel more and more like a failure.

This is why, for the time being, I need to practice mindfulness over cognitive behavioral strategies, and tell myself that my thought isn't a fact. It's an event that will go away. Hopefully soon. I should try not to judge it. In fact, I should try not to judge myself as I'm trying not to judge it. I don't have to connect with the thought in any way because it is impermanent. Transient. There is nothing lasting about this thought of mine.

To that end, I applaud Hayes and the third wavers. Thank you for giving me an alternative.

But I don't agree with Hayes that almost everyone is depressed--that psychological pain is to be expected, the status quo--and "Almost 100 percent of all the people on the planet will at some point in their life contemplate killing themselves." That sentence makes me want to give up right now. God, if this is normal, then I can't take another 35 years on this planet. Get me off now.

No, suicidal thoughts aren't normal, and they are to be taken very seriously. You are supposed to enjoy your life. At least parts of it. Not simply cope through it.

At least that's what Dr. Smith told me yesterday when I described my post, "My Life Goal? To Finish," and asked her whether or not that attitude and philosophy was normal, or was it an indication that I was depressed. 

Thankfully she told me that it was my depression doing the writing, and that happiness is possible, that she has seen me thoroughly enjoy life, and I will be able to do that again.

So I put away my self-help guides, and told my thoughts that I no longer had the energy and willpower to try to change them ... that I have no pixie powder with which to make them fly away. I am trying to follow the advice of metaphysical writer Robert Adams:

So what do you have to do to cease thinking, so that the thoughts can become dead? You simply do not attach yourself to the thoughts. By not attaching yourself to the thoughts, by not reacting to the thoughts, by not responding to the thoughts, they lose their power and begin to fade away. You do not give them any energy. Do not give them any power. Do not say to yourself, I have to stop my thoughts. Do nothing like this. Just slow down, slow down. Let the thoughts do what they may. Allow the thoughts to go their own way. Do nothing with your thoughts. Do not think about them. Do not fight them. And above all, do not try to stop them.

***

Originally published on Beyond Blue at Beliefnet.com. To read more of Therese, visit her blog, Beyond Blue at Beliefnet.com, or subscribe here. You may also find her at www.thereseborchard.com.

 

 

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Comments

[humbop]

What these "third-wavers" are getting at sounds an awful lot like the principles of Norita Therapy.

[Ed and Deb Shapiro - Huffpost Blogger]

The Buddha said, "You are what you think."

what do you chose?

[NeuronOutlaw]

I would make a slight change to buddha's saying - You are the thought you buy as truth.

[JDM73]

Thanks for a thoughtful, well-written article. For years I tried to dismiss my negative thoughts until I reached the point of mental and emotional collapse--it became a compulsion. I hated it, but I found that I couldn't stop doing it because I was afraid to let the sadness and disappointment wash through me. When I finally allowed myself to experience those feelings, though, it was a huge relief.

[tinrobot]

I find it's not about positive or negative thoughts, but rather embracing the neutral mind. Witnessing ones thoughts, but never judging them.

If we battle negative thoughts, we give them power. Witnessing them with a neutral mind allows us to let the negativity go and not take us over. Similarly, forced positive thinking will never resonate and will not do much good. If one remains neutral, however, the positive feelings will arise naturally as will the positive thoughts.

[SarcasticFringehead]

Therese, I have to commend you on your honesty. It goes against the grain in our American culture to ever admit to feeling sad or unsure -- this is such a pull-yours­elf-up-by-­your-boots­traps kind of nation.
When I was a young man, I had a very dark nature and sadness was my most predominant emotion. Thoughts of suicide came and went although I never tried to act on those feelings. These feelings seem to have eased with age. Indeed, I've realized how short life is and I've consciously decided to make my time left more positive. Meditation and exercise help.
I try particularly to increase my sense of wonder and awe at the beauty and mystery of nature and the universe.

"To see a World in a Grain of Sand
And a Heaven in a Wild Flower,
Hold Infinity in the palm of your hand
And Eternity in an hour."
-- William Blake

There's beauty and mystery all around you.
And you are part of it too.

[Anne Naylor - Huffpost Blogger]

Dear Therese,

I really appreciate your openness and honesty with how you are experiencing your life and the options you are exploring.

At the weekend, I experienced some difficult emotion, I saw I had an option with it. I could allow myself to feel the sadness, have a good cry and get on with what I wanted to do. Instead, I found myself with anger. It gave me energy. It also left a feeling of disturbance. But the energy of the anger moved me to take action that I would not otherwise have done.

As much as I can, I learn to love the emotions, however difficult they are, and myself as I go through them. Learning to love conditions, sometimes with the help of a friend or adviser, I find to be stronger than a positive thought alone.

With love to you,
Anne

[mgray34]

Well I wouldn't say positive thinking does NOT work at all. It doesn't work for all people. Some people make more out of it than it really is. It's just looking at situations in a way of the glass half full vs. being half empty. People who have deep depressive states need more help than some self help book will give them.

Thinking positive is an attitude. It's the attitude of believing that you are deserving of happiness, and success in your life. It is the attitude of counting the blessings that you do have because things could ALWAYS be worse than they are. As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he...

[borscht]

The glass is full. The glass is empty.
To have the glass; now there is the thing!

[skunky93]

I really relate to this article bc I've always had difficulty with trying to think positively about myself when I'm feeling blue. As a matter of fact, repeating a chant like "i'm smart, I'm this and that..." always serves to make me feel smaller and smaller bc I feel embarassed of myself.
I think that accepting my fear and letting myself feel it helps me more bc it forces to me to think about why I feel this way and what's the best way to face my fear. Trying to push the thoughts away makes it hard for me to get over them...

[Ed and Deb Shapiro - Huffpost Blogger]

This is an interesting blog - it has has some good advice/teachings and some i disagree with.

After over 30 years of teaching and reaching millions of people through workshops, articles and over 15 books I have found that positive thinking can be a blessing.

Yoga Nidra an ancient method of going into the unconscious and subconscious and relaxing and creating a sankalpa or positive affirmation is brilliant an valuable. It is the habitual mind that creates negative thinking and when you can relax and release the inner trauma through a positive sankalpa you can tranform your life. I have personally experienced this and have had great success with others.

Now what Robert Adams says is pure basic Buddhism. It is in all Budhhist texts and is based on the realization there is no solid self, no ME .. there is consciousness and through awareness and not identifying with a me thoughts come and go like clouds in the sky with no need to grasp.

Your mind is transparent like the sky ... there are storms, rain, snow, etc. but the sky is always sky. The mind is like that.. thoughts, dramas, emotions arise but the true mind the awake mind the aware mind is not that.

In Joy and Peace,

In the dharma,

Ed

[bleeplander]

If the mind is in a negative state isn't it contrary to usher that state out of mind rather than let the thought come and go like a cloud. Forced positive mental states are unorganic. The mind is the mind and but it is not a place of numbness. Just as I cannot be your mind you can not be mine. I don't believe in collective conciousness. I find it difficult to deal with others forcing a way of being, directing right and wrong thoughts for a living.

[Ed and Deb Shapiro - Huffpost Blogger]

Hi bleeplander - A thought is athought they come and go. The wisdom is in the shadow. All people have a shadow but most people who come to the spiritual path only go for the light.

The ancient method I teach Yoga Nidra is not about a thought but much deeper, trauma.

In truth mind is mind not your mind or my mind. The term my mind and your mind is actually what causes suffering. In Eastern teachings mind is mind.

When you develop awareness you are able to see the nature of mind for what it truly is.

The mind is like a drunken monkey bitten bu a scorpion .. what you lern in meditation is to tame the monkey mind.

Treasure yourself,

Ed

[Ed and Deb Shapiro - Huffpost Blogger]

of course you should never usher any thought out I never said that always let a thought be and if a difficulty or negative thought arises be with it.. as I said the wisdom is in the shadow. There may be something to learn.

[ksjohnso]

Thank you for your wonderful post. I always enjoy your work. My two friends who have helped me a lot along the way with my depression are big on self-help books. They just never work for me. Now I know I am not the only one. Through therapy I have found that being mindful is the best approach. When I go through moments of anxiety, it is always to slow my mind down and ask "WHY?" Why I have certain thoughts? Why I do certain actions? It really slows down my manic thinking. That has always been better for me than positive thinking.

[quirk1971]

I have been positively thinking about winning the lottery for years so why hasn't the universe responded and come together to fulfill my desire?? Another new age gimmick down the drain!!

[Ed and Deb Shapiro - Huffpost Blogger]

Quirk 1971

Thinking about winning the lottery for years is actually negative thinking as your mind is wanting and grasping and wishful thinking These is not healthy thinking or positive thinking.

You may find that if you thought positively about how you could be doing service for others such as human society, hospice, the homeless etc. then the joy you receive may be greater than any lottery win.

May all people be happy an free from suffering,

Ed

[quirk1971]

Thank you for your words. I fully understand and I was actually just being sarcastic:) Unfortunately many people and many friends do take the concept literally and fall into a very egoic trap and it backfires. Too many new age teachers have a very shallow understanding of spiritual principles and wind up hurting a lot of people, just as religious people who have a shallow understanding of their religions wind up driving people away from religion.
Best to you both!

[ProfessorDuh]

The stoics thought about this a lot.
"You are not compelled to form any opinion about this matter before you, nor to disturb your peace of mind at all. Things in themselves have no power to extort a verdict from you."
— Marcus Aurelius, history's most intelligent emperor.

[Integrity4most]

Very cool article and very helpful as I try to get motivated to continue looking for a job. I find it very comforting to know that I'm not alone in battling negative thoughts and the occasional *I hate life* mentality. I think I'll follow the suggestion and not give them any extra energy, just let them flow through. It makes sense and brings instant relief. Thank you for this.