The 4 Kinds Of Friends You Need In Your Life
You hear about peer pressure when you are in the sixth grade, but no one talks about it once you've graduated from college, have a job, and especially once you're mature enough to find a mate and make babies.
But the kind of folks you hang with influence you more than you think.
Peer pressure never goes away.
Multiple studies show that human beings unconsciously and consciously mimic the behaviors of those around them. Folks hanging out with optimists become optimists themselves. Women who cheat on their husbands dally with other cheaters.
In his insightful book, "Bounce: Living the Resilient Life," psychology professor Robert Wicks recommends that we invite into our circle of friends four types of people: the prophet, the cheerleader, the harasser, and guides. By including these different voices and friends into our life, he argues, we can become more resilient to life's blows.
1. The Prophet
The prophet is the type of person that calls us on any misguided attempts at something, makes us accountable for our behavior, and prompts us to be honest, even when that is not easy. The prophet challenges us, and can be a royal pain at times, but ultimately helps us to find freedom. Says Wicks, "Prophets point! They point to the fact that it doesn't matter whether pleasure or pain is involved, the only thing that matters is that we seek to see and live 'the truth' because only it will set us free."
2. The Cheerleader
To balance out the provocation and questioning of a prophet, a person also must have a few cheerleader friends: folks who offer unconditional love, support, and acceptance. Wicks says we need the encouragement of the cheerleader as much as the criticism and feedback of the prophet because "burnout is always around the corner when we don't have people who are ready to encourage us, see our gifts clearly, and be there for us when our involvement with people, their sometimes unrealistic demands, and our own crazy expectations for ourselves threaten to pull us down."
3. The Harasser
After we've been criticized and loved, we need to laugh. That's why we need harassers, the third kind of friend, who helps us to see the humor in life's frustrations and calamities. They help us to mock our unrealistic expectations, of ourselves and of others. Says Wicks, "This type of friend helps us regain and maintain perspective."
4. Guides
And finally, we need guides. Listeners. People who will, according to Wicks, "search and look for nuances in what we share with them to help us to uncover some of the 'voices' that are unconsciously guiding our lives, especially the ones that make us hesitant, anxious, fearful, and willful."
Originally published on Beyond Blue at Beliefnet.com. To read more of Therese, visit her blog, Beyond Blue at Beliefnet.com, or subscribe here. You may also find her at www.thereseborchard.com.
Follow Therese Borchard on Twitter: www.twitter.com/thereseborchard
Loading comments…
Want to reply to a comment? Hint: Click "Reply" at the bottom of the comment; after being approved your comment will appear directly underneath the comment you replied to
A man only needs one kind of friend.
A rich sexually attractive friend (with benefits) who likes to cook.
Shouldn't we better develop all the 4 qualities in ourselves?
All 4 sounds like a mom to me.
That was really good and what keeps a few friends close despite a 2,000 mile distance. I can always count on their unvarnished opinions, which I always respect and which sometimes engender awe and admiration.
All I know is, by midlife, after the college and childhood friends have moved away and gone, if you have a few good close friends, just be thankful!
Hear ye!
I'm "The Prophet" type of friend. I'm always focused on bringing my best to the table, and I want someone to call me out when I am not. I call out my friends and family members when they're being less than the best they can be. They're wonderful to understand where I am coming from. My intention is to always bring the best out of my friends. It is the kind of friend I am.
I'm part cheerleader, part guide
Women. They are never the friend that you are to them.
SO TRUE! Most of them just aren't the sort of friend you are to them. And that is why I no longer seek them for their friendship. I no longer seek them for anything. I cut ties BIG TIME! That 4 friends list is something I already have and get from my mom and sisters. Trust me, family's have your back; they keep your secrets and most importantly they don't violate your privacy, humiliate you, ruin your reputation nor do they degrade you in ways that only make them feel good, satisfied and guilty in the end. At the end of the storm, lesson learned and all, your siblings are all you need in your life. The rest, they'll ruin you completely someday, if they haven't already!
Bariis - Your family sounds WONDERFUL ... I have the exact opposite dynamic w/my family and have suffered the violation of every single one of your points (re: your family's positive attributes).
My friends (male & female) are my SALVATION .. Them, my terrific husband -- and -- the fact that I maintain I was switched at birth! :D
Sometimes, it's the family one creates but it sure was nice to hear about the love and respect your family has for one another (and that you cherish it).
I am the harasser :)
http://www.helloamanda.com/
Dang I was thinking a rich guy, a cop and a lawyer.
And an honorable auto mechanic. I refer to them as my "Board of Directors".
Love this! Thank you!
This show (SITC) set women's rights back 40 years. What is cool about shoes, shoes, boys, boys, shop, shop, etc. Lamo.
So grateful to have all four types of friends in my life, and grateful to have found out about Therese Borchard's inspiring work through this incredible post at HuffPo!
I think true friendships take a really long time to develop. You have to really be sure about someone before you include them in your inner circle...I'd much rather have a small group of people who are all Cheerleaders or Prophets, but I'm very close to and I know we've got each others backs no matter what,
I agree.
There;s something vampiric watching these women age together. Freindship is way over rated. Oh I still believe in it. In the end we're all business men and women and fools. What a person needs most in life is some one to tell him never ever listen to anyone who tells you to live your life for others. What they are really saying in republican code "Let me take advantage of you by aspiring to that latent need in you to conform and belong. If you buy this you're in. You're in the club. Hee Heee Heee"
this doesn't even make sense
Friendship is a gift and definitely not overrated.
You must be logged in to comment. Log in or connect with
