With Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and other social media innovations, we, as a species, have reached a brave new world of connectivity that our ancestors could never have imagined... and we're using it to share pictures of every single thing we eat, talk like babies, and lazily advocate for better diets! Huzzah mankind -- it truly is a brave new world! Now stop doing all of these things immediately.
"Nom nom nom"
Unless you're a dyslexic trying to transcribe reggae lyrics, you need to stop using this baby talk right now. Use your words. If you're excited about dinner, say you're excited about dinner.
You know who you are. The minute you see the word "bacon" on somebody's newsfeed, you decide to go off on a tirade about the evils of the meat industry under the pretense that self-aggrandizing pulpit speeches are the way to sway people. We were talking about Footloose, jackass. Maybe a better way to change the world is to, you know, leave the computer and do something.
Posting pictures of every single thing you eat
Oh, awesome! You went out to dinner and ordered a sandwich. It looks like the same one you had for lunch. None of us have since decided to give a sh** about what you're eating on the daily, so unless you went to a restaurant that served you a full stegosaurus, save that one for your fooding scrapbook.
Checking in everywhere
The greatest stalking invention since bushes and a camera, the check-in function lets everyone know what bar or restaurant you're kicking it at. When you check in everywhere, you either look like a lush or a glutton. Or somebody who can't just call friends and ask them to come hang out. Or somebody who really wants his stalker ex to show up.
Posting pictures of empty plates
You ate like a big boy! Well played! The only thing more annoying than a boring shot of a full plate is a shot of one smeared in sauce. Unless you're working as a dishwasher and just want people to know what you're up to, knock it off.
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