There are some days when you're celebrating a big promotion, or a victory, or a recent tax rebate, and you decide to splurge and pop open an expensive bottle of Champagne to celebrate. New Year's Eve is not one of those days.
In order to celebrate the day where you'll likely be going for quantity over quality, we followed in the grand tradition of this Boone's Farm tasting to give you all the information you need to find the best, cheapest Champagne (errrrr... sparkling wine!!) not that much money can buy, so you'll make at least one wise decision this New Year's Eve.
5th: André California Champagne, $4.52
Pop-ability: 2 - The hybrid twist/cork has a hilarious warning diagram about not pointing this at your face while opening. You can ignore it. We gave this one a shake for funsies, but even with a crutch, André wasn't walking anywhere. No sound, no bubbles.
Drink-ability: 2 - A strong hit of apple cider vinegar.
Aftertaste: 2 - The mouthfeel is reminiscent of how you felt the first time you heard the word mouthfeel. Unnatural, dirty, a little self-conscious.
Final Score: 0.6 - SAFETY FIRST
4th: J. Roget American Champagne, $5.49
Pop-ability: 0 - Because this is a twist-top, there was very little going on in the pop-ability department. When you break the seal, there's just a meek hiss of carbonation that sounds almost apologetic.
Drink-ability: 5 - It's not hard to drink, but there's very little payoff in the flavor department. .
Aftertaste: 6 - Tastes a lot like that franchise of movies with Zach Galifianakis and that funny Asian guy from Community.
Final Score: 3.6 - TASTES OK BUT NOT FUN.
3rd: Cook's California Champagne, $5.42
Pop-ability: 8 - Compared to Roget, this is off the charts. The cork ricocheted off the ceiling and disappeared. Notes of an NBA Finals locker room.
Drink-ability: 3 - It's a complex mix of sweet and sour. It's like a not totally great puzzle for your taste buds.
Aftertaste: 3 - Synthetic. Kind of makes you forget that grapes were used in this product.
Final Score: 4.6 - ONCE YOU POP YOU WILL PROBABLY, EVENTUALLY STOP