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Texts From My Xes: Embarrassing Texts From The Recently Single

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2011-02-08-textfrommyex.jpg


The internet is great for many things, all of which are horribly humiliating people who desperately care about you. Exhibit A: a Twitter feed putting everyone's business in the streets, called Texts From My Xes.

Started in response to one man's persistent, self-pwning attempts at reconciliation, TFMX features 100% real, crazy, desperate, and flat out weird things that have been sent to the founder's friends and coworkers, whose shared experiences suggest most men out there are incapable of textual seduction. Selected brilliance:

Food: "i ate peanut butter and jelly sandwiches with dmx tonight. jealous?"..."My buddy just gave me some cupcakes, u want them? I swear I'll just drop them off and leave"..."I don't think i'll ever eat at 5 Guys again without you"...

Sex: "but whatever dude played his cards right dude planted his seed and just swooped right in there so i guess i gotta give him respect and sh*t"..."I think this is all because of your birth control"..."so wait are we just taking a few weeks off? not to be a d*ck but i want to start having sex again. but its not like i need it right away"..."Is this because i slept with your roomate?"...

Spite: "you were more fun when you were skinny anyway"..."go look in the mirror, you're not that hot"..."fine then. you peaked in college anyway"..."i want my beat nova shirt back. i want it back"...

Misc: "last chance to start a life together...you need to let me know soon, i got a date with a teacher"..."My AA sponsor says I shouldn't talk to you"..."In case you're listening to this voicemail first, please disregard the first 13. I was angry"..."i don't see what me breaking your window has anything to do with this"...

And to be sure it's all fair, they've even pulled a few choice texts sent by the ladies, like the ever-feminine "i honestly want to puke when i think of you. i miss you", because the internet is great for many things, all of which involve barfing.