02/03/2014 11:14 am ET Updated Apr 05, 2014

These Are the 19 Types of Bartenders


If you tear up your coasters, scream your drink order, or just don't know what the hell you want, you'll probably only encounter one type of bartender: a pissed off one. But for patrons with decent manners and a diverse taste in watering holes, there's a blizzard worth of unique, drink-making snowflakes waiting patiently to take your order/gratuity.

Read on for 19 of the most common bartender stereotypes along with what drink they're likely pouring...


Dive bartender who doesn't care that you exist
What he's pouring: A well whatever
Cannot be distracted from the Ghostbusters 2 DVD that has been playing in this bar for the last 15 years. Dressed down, dish rag on his belt, probably not the cleanest. Your interest in the beverage selection does not earn you any points because he doesn't like answering questions.

The patient bartender
What he's pouring: the result of a long, convoluted conversation about the menu
Aka the saint of spirits, aka the Buddha of the bartop, this guy is willing to humor the most inane of questions, explain distinctions between liquors that you should probably know, and even let you taste before you order. Deserves his weight in tips. Though please don't tip him using giant sacks of coins.

The chick who's putting herself through college working at a sports bar
What she's pouring: cheap domestic draft
She owns a large selection of tank tops and is in very good shape. Has several "regulars" who think they know her much better than they do. Sometimes wears her glasses, because, you know, she reads stuff.

The chick who has no plans of putting herself through college working at a sports bar
What she's pouring: cheap domestic draft
She owns a large selection of tank tops and is in very, very good shape. Her regulars actually know a lot about her because she's just kind of there a lot. Sometimes wears her non-prescription glasses, because she saw Ray Lewis wear them.


The doesn't-want-to-be-here girl
What she's pouring: A vodka tonic, reluctantly
This chick is just really not into being a bartender, but somehow tripped and fell into the job. Expert at not making small talk. Checks her phone upwards of eleventy-million times during her shift.

The strip club bartender

What she's pouring: Shots of $21 top shelf tequila for you; shots of water for Kristi
She spends most of her day counting out huge stacks of singles while patiently reminding people that she is not one of the people who will give them lap dances. She does still smell like strawberry body spray though, so it is kind of confusing.

The home brewing craft beer guy
What he's pouring: An ultra-rare seasonal
He knows his beer list like the back of his hand, which is also the name of an obscure Nordic Pale Ale. Has a strong affinity for tap handle art. Probably wears a beard. Very happy to talk about very hoppy beers. Hates Dave Infante.

The one-of-the-guys girl
What she's pouring: A very critically acclaimed IPA
Will openly tell you to stop staring. Has very informed beer suggestions. Is kind of exactly like Olivia Wilde in Drinking Buddies, except for the slow, depressing parts. Also hates Dave Infante.

There's still plenty more bartenders you've probably encountered, like the "hipster mixologist", "the bartender that knows everyone", and "the guy who you're friends with", all in the full story on!

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