THE BLOG
06/19/2014 12:18 pm ET Updated Aug 19, 2014

What's the Best Fancy Bottled Water Whole Foods Has to Offer?

Thrillist

We've already ranked the biggest brands in the world of hydration, but since there is plenty more water in the sea, we hit the Whole Foods aqua aisle to find six new bottles to test against our previous champion, Mountain Valley Spring Water.

Each water was tested blindly by four judges, who gave tasting notes and rated it on a scale of unsippable (1) to Garden of Eden (10!). Read on to see how Crazy Water, Essentia, O2Cool, Agana, Penta, and Iceland Spring measure up against the Mountain.

2014-06-19-bw1.jpg

7. Crazy Water No. 3

The story: After water from Mineral Wells, Texas, supposedly cured a crazy woman's dementia in the late 1800s, thousands began flocking to the source. Their site lists the supposed health benefits of 11 minerals contained in the waters. We chose to test version No.3 because it had the medium level of mineral content and because that number is lucky.

Tasting notes: Undeniable aroma of an indoor swimming pool. Milky. Unsippable.

Final score: 1.75

More: Do bottled waters actually taste different? We found out.

2014-06-19-bw2.jpg

6. O2Cool Oxygen Water

The story: O2Cool (say it out loud with a sarcastic tone!) comes from Adobe Springs in Northern California. After the water is pumped, they add pure oxygen and the O2 content spikes to 10 times the normal levels. This apparently leads to better breath and increased energy. It's bottled in glass to preserve the oxygen content and sold in six-packs to dissuade impulse buyers. Endorsed by Ernest Hemingway's granddaughter.

Tasting notes: Got milk? Tastes like it was left open in the fridge. Notes of durian, the suburbs. It's as if a slow-moving creature is crawling its way across the jungle floor that is my mouth.

Final score: 2.25

2014-06-19-bw3.jpg

5. Agana Rainwater

The story: Agana is only one of five commercial rain bottlers in the world. It's bottled in Buda, Texas, in what they call "Sky Spring", which is a water collection system and not the name of a skeezy '80s soap opera.

Tasting notes: Spicy finish. Notes of pepper. Heavier mouthfeel. Might give you a sore throat. One reviewer notes similarities to the Bjork video All is Full of Love, but another thinks that's giving this too much credit.

Final score: 4.5

2014-06-19-bwlast.jpg

4. Essentia

The story: Essentia takes municipal water and loads it with electrolytes, pumping the pH level to 9.5, by far the highest of any of the waters on this list. This makes it easier for the body to absorb, as proven in peer-reviewed studies.

Tasting notes: Sour. Hints of carrot. The aftertaste makes me want to open up my mouth to dry it out. The PBR of water.

Final score: 5.25

Find out the top 3 bottled waters Whole Foods has to offer -- on Thrillist.com!

More from Thrillist:

What Your Cocktail Says About You

What Your Beer Says About You

Follow Thrillist on Twitter: www.twitter.com/Thrillist