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Tim Siedell

Entries by Tim Siedell

Exclusive: Axl Rose's Letter Declining AARP Membership

(5) Comments | Posted April 13, 2012 | 3:32 AM

To the American Association of Retired Persons and Whom It May Concern,

On February 6 of this year, I turned 50, making me eligible for membership in the AARP. This has put me in somewhat of a complicated or awkward situation.

Since then, I've talked to friends and fans and...

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Baseball Is Life

(9) Comments | Posted April 5, 2012 | 11:19 AM

Another baseball season is upon us.

Count me among those who believe, quite strongly, that baseball transcends the world of sport. It's more than just a game of ingenious design, measured not by the artificial and cruel limits of a clock, but by equal opportunity. It's more than just...

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Every Christmas Letter Ever

(7) Comments | Posted December 16, 2011 | 1:00 PM

Impersonal Greetings!

Here's a sentence about how the year is almost over, in case you don't know how the Gregorian calendar operates. Here's a trite phrase about how quickly time passes, probably stolen from a friend's Facebook wall. Here's an attempted joke that doesn't work.

Let's talk about the hubby....

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Secure the Borders Now Before Our Celebrities Try to Leave

(4) Comments | Posted September 13, 2011 | 7:07 PM

The 2012 presidential campaign has begun, and it's already shaping up to be a historically contentious fight. The stakes are high.

Some of our nation's celebrities won't be content with simple endorsements and appearances this time around. They'll have no choice but to threaten to leave the country if the...

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Going There: My Lunch With Comedian Tom Wilson

(6) Comments | Posted March 28, 2011 | 4:27 PM

In his standup routine, Tom Wilson skillfully defuses the Biff Bomb with a song about how he gets asked the same Back to the Future questions over and over and over again. (It's hilarious and has garnered nearly three million views on YouTube.) So when I met Tom...

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Congressional Approval Numbers Still Ahead of That Adam Sandler Flick

(3) Comments | Posted December 16, 2010 | 2:43 PM

Americans are less satisfied with Congress now than at any other time in the history of the Gallup poll. This includes July of 2008, when Americans were being ravaged by an economic meltdown, record-high gas prices, and the movie The Love Guru.

Here's a little perspective on...

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Classic Drink Recipes for Today's Economy

(6) Comments | Posted December 1, 2010 | 12:35 PM

Winter is practically here. And this season, two major trends are impacting America's cocktails and spirits of choice. On the one hand, retro cocktails are back with a vengeance. You can thank those swanky, fictional corporate types on Mad Men for that. On the other hand, you're unemployed. (Thanks, non-swanky,...

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Can We Really Afford to Hire Another Supreme Court Justice in This Economy?

(4) Comments | Posted July 20, 2010 | 2:35 PM

It's right there in the name. Supreme.

Nobody's buying supreme these days. As we struggle to climb out of a devastating recession, Americans are being forced to make do with less. Smaller cars. Simpler homes. Even the less supreme of the burrito options on the menu. Times are tough.


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A Review of Sex and the City 2 by Someone Who Doesn't Know Anything About It

(85) Comments | Posted June 1, 2010 | 4:27 PM

Let me be clear. I haven't seen Sex and the City 2. For that matter, I never saw the first Sex and the City movie. Nor a complete episode of the television show. I've only seen bits and pieces while flipping channels.

On the other hand, I know how to...

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A Simple Plan to Fix the American Political System Using Common Sense and a Little Dinosaur DNA

(16) Comments | Posted April 3, 2010 | 12:25 PM

Let's imagine what would happen if the Founding Fathers were alive today.

First, I think they'd be pretty jazzed about not being dead anymore. That's a given. Secondly, and this is fairly obvious, I bet their minds would be absolutely blown by Dippin' Dots. Which is precisely why we...

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