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Tina Mabry

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The Main Cabin Door Is Now Closed: Electronics Off, But Homophobia On

Posted: 12/02/11 12:05 AM ET

It's officially the holiday season, and I'm sure millions of us traveled across the country to not only stuff ourselves with turkey but also share a thankful and loving moment with our families and friends. My partner and I got our turkey stuffing in my home state of Mississippi, but we had to fly out of Memphis because Tupelo's airport is a tad small. I've got to say, the small propeller planes terrify me.

Upon traveling back to L.A., my partner and I accidentally looked like the Wonder Twins with our matching University of Southern California hoodies. Normally, we'd run from being "Clothing Twinkies," but when it's freezing cold outside, all fashion ideologies are out the window. While waiting at the Memphis airport, an older lady decided to spark up a friendly Southern-esque conversation with us, letting us know she was from Inglewood and was looking forward to going back home. With the flight about to board, she asked for a favor: watch her bags while she went to the restroom. I have to say, I'm a stickler for the airport rules of not watching strangers' bags. My Los Angeles instincts said, "Uh, I don't know," but my Mississippi instincts and Thanksgiving mood boldly won and said, "Yes, ma'am." When she got back she was extremely grateful to both of us for watching her bags, but she suddenly decided she had to go to Starbucks and asked us to watch her bags again. Needless to say, we did her another favor. However, something was different this time. When she was returning with her Starbucks cup, she saw my partner affectionately kiss me on my forehead. This time, my partner and I didn't get a "thank you" from her; we didn't even get any eye contact aside from her previous stare at our loving yet tame affection. Sure, it stung a bit, but my partner and I decided not to make a federal case out of it. We hoped she would reflect back on her actions and realize that these lesbians did her a favor many people wouldn't have.

Finally, we boarded the plane, where the flight attendant greeted us with a great smile and a welcome. We took out seats and prepared ourselves for a long-awaited nap. We started holding hands and joked about which of us was going to be asleep first; I put money on myself. In the midst of our joking moment, we suddenly heard, "What's all this?" We turned and saw the flight attendant standing over us, glaring down at our clasped hands. We immediately asked what she was talking about, and she pointed directly at our hand-holding and said, "That. What's that all about?" My partner and I were so in shock that the flight attendant was actually pointing this out that we didn't know what to say first. Should we go off on her? Should we educate her? Should we ignore her ignorance? Should we report this? We simply didn't know what to do first. I suppose our faces looked like we were going to give her an unpleasant piece of our minds, so her serious expression quickly switched to a forced smile. "I'm just kidding," she nervously uttered as she moved with haste down the aisle. Good thing we made sure our seatbelts were fastened and our electronics were stowed, because she didn't bother to look.

I immediately thought about Leisha Hailey, who starred in The L Word, and her unfortunate ordeal of being kicked off a Southwest Airlines flight for kissing her girlfriend on the plane. Leisha Hailey unleashed a flurry of tweets to her thousands of followers, claiming a flight attendant booted her and her girlfriend for kissing on the plane -- because Southwest is a "family" airline.

I must say, we were not on a Southwest flight, but does it really matter which airline carrier we used? I've flown all over this country and internationally, and I've seen straight couples give affectionate pecks, downright swap spit, hold hands, grope each other, and possibly join the Mile-High Club (being a plus-sized woman, this won't be happening for me) without a flight attendant saying a word. I've even seen couples loudly cursing at each other and hitting one another without a flight attendant blinking an eye. I wanted to intervene once but didn't want to get punched by the female in the relationship; from her quick jabs, she must've taken a few boxing lessons from Manny Pacquiao.

Not every flight attendant is the same, and I must say that the majority do an excellent and professional job. It's a shame that a few tarnish the perception of a majority. So, to those flight attendants who do a great job, please continue, because I am very appreciative of the assistance you provide. But for the few who choose to bring their personal ideologies on the plane and unjustly thrust them upon passengers who paid their hard-earned money to sit in a tiny seat with limited legroom, please stop it. Be more concerned about me using my cell phone once the main cabin door has closed than me innocently holding hands with another woman. After all, which one has the potential to cause more damage? Using a cell phone 34,000 feet in the air or a little lesbian hand-holding during a season that's supposed to be about love, kindness, and giving?

 
It's officially the holiday season, and I'm sure millions of us traveled across the country to not only stuff ourselves with turkey but also share a thankful and loving moment with our families and fr...
It's officially the holiday season, and I'm sure millions of us traveled across the country to not only stuff ourselves with turkey but also share a thankful and loving moment with our families and fr...
 
 
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01:28 PM on 12/06/2011
I totally would have taken that as a friendly jibe, but then I wasn't there, so I hope my guess is right. Regardless, it's a shame you were made to feel awkward, even if she was just kidding. Fortunately my partner and I never had any problems while flying, but then again we always seemed to get the gay flight attendants. :)
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Coloradem
Christian, Gay, Democrat
01:08 PM on 12/06/2011
It does matter which airline you were on (Since you were in Memphis, my guess would be Delta since they are hubbed there). This type of incident is indicative of a corporate culture that fosters an environment that permits the treatment of their gay and lesbian customers without the dignity and respect we deserve.
01:06 AM on 12/06/2011
Sometimes it happens. My partner and I if we are flying economy class and have scored a complete row...he usually falls asleep (fast) and tends to naturally lean his head on my shoulder. Is this a crime? No. Have we had flight attendants confront us? yes, but only to ask if my partner has his seat belt fastened or to offer something...Nonetheless If we both doze off then we normally and naturally hold hands, like we have done for over twenty years...it's our normal sleep pattern...we have never had a negative experience. In fact we were self-outed on a plane...my mom traveled to NY with us for the weekend and she took a picture of us sleeping together on the plane holding hands...she later sent us each a framed picture for as an X-mas present with the inscription- "For my two loving sons"...a gift that I cherish to this day... it was her way of supporting and approving our relationship.
08:39 PM on 12/05/2011
Being a flight attendant is a job that doesn't require you to be very educated. Having worked as an international flight attendant myself for over 15 years I must say I have encountered plenty of colleagues who try to compensate for the lack of education by being overtly "funny" or plainly mean and unkind to passengers and fellow crewmembers, secure in the know that they were the ones"in control". I know very well flight attendants are there mainly for safety reasons, but some forget that we are also part of the hospitality industry. My advice is to report the incident as this person needs to learn that being in charge of the aircraft cabin does not imply not having respect for the diversity of the people in it. Some of them plainly "own the cabin" and that is not right. Plus they give a bad name to the many (if not most) other professionals who try to do a good job onboard.
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Vincent Van Der Hyde
The truth will set you free.
02:04 PM on 12/05/2011
Apparently there are some who missed the great photograph of a President of the United States walking along holding hands with a certain Saudi prince.
Or, have never walked down a park in Paris or Vienna where women walk along, arm in arm, talking all the while.
Oh, Americans, you are so narrow minded!
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DMSmith
01:42 AM on 12/05/2011
The other day, a lady friend of mine who had lost her husband was being comforted by a close friend. Neither were gay. The one held the other's hand lovingly and supportingly for over an hour as they chatted.
Both in their 80s. However, I'd have loved to have taken the FA to the hospital had she attempted her silliness with those ladies. They'd not have taken lightly to it and both were in extreme states.
04:02 PM on 12/04/2011
Flight attendants are there, first and formost, to protect the safety of the passengers. Some do that phenominally well, as in that bizarre landing on the Hudson, in which all of the flight crew behaved admirably under extreme pressure.

So, is holding hands a flight risk? a challenge to the safety of the airplane? some form of a new terrorist plot? a challenge to the ethical stability of the flight?

Flight attendants remain on the job primarily to protect safety in the event of a challenge, the other 99% of the time, they are essentially focused on delivering drinks and picking up debris. Challenging, tiring and crazy job. NONE of that has anything to do with being a hall monitor for basic PDA's... for heaven sakes, I remember in the '70's, joining the Mile High Club was an essential rite of passage for jet setting passengers who were hetero...

By now, air travel has become tiresome, time consuming and generally appalling, as we all get crowded into tiny seats, forced into accepting delayed starts and landings as standard... but there is no reason to ad homophobia to the plate.

and, as with many posters, I am sure that had it been two guys, this phobic attendant would have gone off like a rocket.
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Vincent Van Der Hyde
The truth will set you free.
02:05 PM on 12/05/2011
I think it must be a terrorist plot.
After all, open mindedness is a threat to most Americans.
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Doug Watt
Not ready for 2012
03:43 PM on 12/04/2011
That this happened at all makes me furious. Tina, I am so sorry that you and your partner had to experience the ignorant and hateful attitude of the attendant.
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jandos
Realistically optimistic
01:02 PM on 12/04/2011
This is absolutely bizarre. What on earth was this attendant thinking and who does he/she think he/she is to comment on hand holding of any type at all?

My husband flies all the time for work and more and more I'm hearing comments from him about rude and unhelpful flight attendants. The common thread is that most of them are older, though I'm not sure why that would account for such horrid manners.
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tutibugjl
*Rolls Eyes Over Dramatically*
11:59 PM on 12/03/2011
Stories like these make me less hopeful for America. Ugh. I can't believe people actually act like that towards LGBT's. And being a bi girl myself, it breaks my heart. I'm sorry they had to go through it, but it seems inevitable. We have to keep our heads up though!!

LGBT equality!! (without discrimination)
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JMKeynes
Democratic Party Operative
09:11 PM on 12/03/2011
A male couple would probably avoid public displays of affection in an airport. Holding hands when seated isn't even visible to other passengers unless they're standing. It's none of the flight attendant's business and I'm surprised any would care. They usually seem to be pretty hard boiled types who have seen it all. If they ever have any male flight attendants as part of the crew, there's a pretty good chance they already know gay people exist.
03:49 PM on 12/04/2011
We make a point of holding hands everywhere we go. The only place we haven't done it is Istanbul.
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pfz
My micro bio is empty but not without feelings.
07:32 PM on 12/04/2011
men holding hands is very common in Arab countries.
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Vincent Van Der Hyde
The truth will set you free.
02:09 PM on 12/05/2011
Spent a week in Istanbul this last October. Saw several cases of women walking together arm in arm, hand in hand. In some cases probably mother and daughter, in other cases probably good friends. Oh, and saw some men also, mostly older friends I assume. Anyhow, nice to see. In the US a guy can hardly get away with hugging his best male friend without getting 'looks'. Americans are sure uptight!
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bluntobject
Gandhi didn't like your attitude either!
06:29 PM on 12/03/2011
In-Flight Bigotry now being served with your stale, damp, overpriced sandwich, and more than a few thoughtless, and painful roll-overs of my foot(long legs here) by the harried attendant workin' that beverage cart. Nice.
05:30 PM on 12/03/2011
I am not sure what is happening with some of the flight industry employees. Recently on a United short midwest flight I went forward and asked the head FA if it was ok to move one row forward to the exit row as I am very tall and the row was empty. He said, sure sure sure, the door is closed and everyone is here.
Not a problem. As we were moving to the exit row, a lower level FA approached and asked what we were doing. I explained that I was very tall and the head FA had said it was OK. He acted like it was a lie. Moments later he came back and said, "since you are already in the seats we will allow it this time."
The rest of the story is that all the players in the story are Gay. Guess bad manners isn't just a straight affliction.
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Ken Wyn
Catholicism is synonymous with Nazism.
08:31 PM on 12/03/2011
And HOW DARE you A$$UME that "all the players in the story are Gay." There are many male flight attendants who aren't even gay.
09:21 PM on 12/03/2011
did you perhaps give any thought that istanbulite was saying that all the players in his story are gay ?
06:16 PM on 12/04/2011
I wasn't assuming. I talked to the head FA about how wierd it was for a gay FA to treat gay customers so badly. He confirmed that all 3 FAs on the plane were gay and that he would address the problem. He also confirmed that he had indeed given me permission to change my seat.
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b4pangea
Insert clever micro-bio here
02:41 PM on 12/03/2011
Geezus. If you're unprepared to deal with the public in all it's variety, and the sight of same-sex hand-holding is so unusual and upsetting to you that it distracts you from performing your job, perhaps FLIGHT ATTENDANT is not the ideal career.
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Ken Wyn
Catholicism is synonymous with Nazism.
07:12 PM on 12/03/2011
Just imagine if it were two males engaged in affection for each other: no doubt they would have been ejected from the aircraft. And that garrulous little old southern biddy, I wouldn't have given her the time of day. No one should EVER watch a stranger's belongings in an airport just for security purposes alone, no matter how old they are; besides, this is the "thanks" that you'll get anyway when they discover you're lesbian or gay.
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Bpers2001
Be a hero-Adopt a Shelter Pet
01:13 PM on 12/03/2011
So sorry to read this story, and how you were treated. I firmly believe that people that show such disrespect and bigotry and prejudice toward our decent LGBT citizens need to be publicly shunned by the general public, as they rightfully should be. They need to be taught that their prejudice and bigotry will not be tolerated in this nation, and that decent LGBT citizens are full and equal under our laws.