What John Edward's Actions Says to Today's Teens

Amidst the turmoil of Russia attacking Georgia, the anticipation of the oncoming presidential election and the triumph of Michael Phelps making Olympic history, another news story has captured the public's fancy -- John Edwards' tawdry affair with a crazy lady.

No wonder. It has it all -- scandal, sex, treachery and hypocrisy. In the supporting role you have the devoted ailing wife. In the lead role, the man who would be king is brought down by his own fragile ego. And in the role as villain you have the manipulative vamp. Classic trash. Think of it as "The Elliot Spitzer Chronicles Part II."

This goes to show that people of power, be it politicians or rehab-ridden celebrities, all share a similar flaw. They think they're above it all. And what makes it worse is when they think their excuses somehow justify their actions. Whether it's Amy Winehouse, Britney Spears, the B-listers on Celebrity Rehab, or Paris Hilton, it's all the same whiney refrain: "I was abused. I have an addiction. I have an illness. I have ADD. The paparazzi chased me." Or, in the case of John Edwards, "Narcissism made me do it."

When are people in the public eye going to take responsibility for their actions? Nobody beat them. Nobody made them to take that drink. Nobody forced them to do without the necessities in life so that they couldn't learn right from wrong. If anything, they had it too easy. Edwards - the man with the $400 haircuts who came off as a champion of the downtrodden -- gave a litany of lame excuses for cheating on his sick wife, as if he could somehow articulate a compassionate justification for being, well, sleazy.

But that's the way it is these days. No one admits fault. Famous people, whether they are politicians or celebutantes, think they are better than everyday people because every day people have let them think they are better. That's got to stop.

Sure, we've all heard this story before. A cheating spouse is nothing new. And "power corrupts" in many ways. But what does it say to the young people of America when someone of Edwards' stature pulls this? I believe it perpetuates that sense of entitlement that so many of tweens and teens are already developing.

As long as you're famous you're above the law or any set of rules, morals or ethics. And if you have money, you can buy your way out of any sort of trouble. Society gives second chances to these celebrities on an ongoing basis. Some even boast about it. They talk about kicking drugs or booze or straightening their lives out as if doing so deserves special praise. Shouldn't today's youth be admiring those who don't get addicted, or cheat or lie in the first place? Where are those stories?

The message taken by teens is that it's more important to be a famous person than a decent one. Marquee value trumps merit; cash trumps character. And the media reinforces it with every moment of airtime they allot to these privileged pinheads and their petty indulgences.

In the case of Edwards, he went as far as to say his wife and kids, "weren't responsible" for what he did. Excuse me? Does anyone think they were? Is Edwards so full of himself that he thinks he's being magnanimous by saying this? When I heard this I didn't know whether to be saddened or sickened. At least he didn't have his poor wife stand beside him while he purged, selectively, to the interviewer. I'd like to think she had enough self-esteem not to give him the satisfaction.

Was Edwards expecting affirmation? Forgiveness? Sympathy? I think so. He probably thought he'd come off as brave and forthright. Instelooked like a pompous fool. You lied John Edwards! You're still lying! Just admit it and go away! Your time is up, but everyone got the memo except you. If you were on Flava of Love, Flava Flav would be taking away your clock by now.

Let's be real here. The only reason you're coming clean is because you got caught. If you really want to do the right thing, apologize to your wife and children and stay out of the public eye. Your career is over. Now it's time to exit with what little dignity you have left. Our youth doesn't need to see any more of this morally bankrupt, self-justifying spectacle.

Tina Wells, 28, founded Buzz Marketing Group (www.buzzmg.com) when she was just 16. A leading consulting company that specializes in the latest youth trends, Buzz clients include St. Martin's Press, SonyBMG, Sesame Workshop and Time Inc., to name a few. A trailblazer in her field, her list of honors include Essence Magazine's 40 Under 40 Award, Billboard's 30 Under 30 Award, and AOL's Black Voices Female Entrepreneur's Award.

Comments

[lewes17266]

Here is a very valuable and important lesson for us all and I apologize in advance for yelling but.....IT IS NOT GOOD TO BE TOO TRUSTING.

[JBS]

How about the lesson that "today's teens" wouldn't know who John Edwards was if he personally text messaged each and every one of them.

[LanceJetson]

How about the lesson that all our laws and religions and justifications for monogamous marriages or sexual fidelity are elaborate fictions or social conventions that are given the lie every day by people like Edwards and that we live in a hypocritical society that can't deal with natural urges in a natural way? Couldn't that be one of the lessons teens learn (like they've always learned) that "adults" don't always live by or believe in the behavioral standards they set for others? That we're all human. That sex doesn't need marriage to be fun, healing, helpful, or friendly. That our puritanical society forces the hiding, two-faced behavior. Just suppose that Elizabeth gave Edwards willing permission to seek sexual solace outside their relationship -- how would the nation react if he had said "It's fine between me and Elizabeth and she encouraged me and it's none of youor business and doesn't affect my professional performance.?" What if? But, of course, he and Elizabeth both had to resort to lies, hiding, shame and public disapprobation. We as a nation need to get over our voyueristic, peep-show guilt of a moral code that hardly any can live up to.

[RobinSeattle]

If you really get down to brass tacks, most teenagers don't know who John Edwards is. However, they do know about A-Rod's marital troubles. And all the celebrity spam we are subjected to on tv and even in the Huffington Post these days is rife with infidelity and drug abuse. So teens who would know who Edwards was also knew about the other stuff before news of the senator's philandering broke anyway. So this is all a non-starter really. So that talk with your teens about what all these personal foibles by prominent people should have happened long before this.

[2stupid4words]

Why are people so quick to kick dirt in the face of the downtrodden? I, for one, do not believe that Edwards' role is that of 'role model.' If the parents are teaching their children what is most important in life, they are the role models and this would be a good lesson what happens if the child veers from the lessons the parents have taught,even if the child is a teen. However, no one can stop a person from being confronted with examples of infidelity, teens included. It is what the individual does with those examples: to follow or not to follow. Secondly, the media's task is to sell news (whatever that is) that buyers want to read or view. Hound the media for allowing so much focus on sex and less on human worth, but not that many people are interested in human worth.

[PatA]

whaaaaaaaaaat? anonoo4, am I missing something in this story? Edwards ran for president of the United States. He spent campaign contributions on his "honey".....his wife lied about his cheating by ommission......"if I stand up by here at this next campaign stop, everything is going to look okay..never mind that I know what he did last week"......
Duh, you'd be much happier if you had not been caught doing 70mph in a 55mph zone, right?
I'd be happier if my husband's affair had not been exposed and my world went to hell in a handbasket.
Life ain't like that. Not you, not me and surely not someone who thrusts himself into the public eye (and into their pockets) by running for president will get away with everything all of the time.

[anon004]

Yes, you are missing my point. I'm not saying that he didn't do a bunch of truly stupid things (the foremost of which was believing that he wouldn't get caught). I'm also not saying that he shouldn't be called on it. (I also finds his wife's behavior inexplicable, other than to think she was as blinded by ambition as he was.) What I am saying is that this blogger seems to say that he should be blamed because HE somehow forced it into the public arena when everyone else wanted him to keep it quiet. I think that's the one thing you can't blame the guy for.

[elemgee]

Our gawking at the train wreck of bad judgement is entertaining because we watch from a distance and don't bother to take the time to let the situation inform our humanity and our relationship as granters of celebrity and power. The instructive content in the Edwards situation is not about infidelity because each of us lives through nearly continual choices about our own fidelity that are far more powerful and instructive to the teens than John Edwards actions. Small "white lies" and little "cheats" by an adult that the teen can't wait to be are very powerful and formative. Unthinking comments and actions that dehumanize or devalue others are powerful examples even if we don't notice them.

We are not responsible for Mr. Edwards bad judgment and inexcusable infidelity, but we must recognize our responsibility for the culture of celebrity. Public figures have greater impact (and thus greater responsibility) than we in the anonymous public, but we have to recognize our own responsibility for granting those people their public platform and more importantly, for our own impact on "the teens" by the example we set.

Mr Peete may have had the wrong Shakespere and it was certainly directed too narrowly. We do protest too much, but we we do well to also remember that these situations are not a disconnected fate that we have no power over. In other words... "The fault lies not in our stars, but in ourselves."

[elemgee]

"The message taken by teens is that it's more important to be a famous person than a decent one."

There are many examples of situations where money, fame and power might appear more attractive to teens than sincerity, decency and honesty, but I'm not sure I see how the John Edwards story is one. I don't think that public humiliation is a particularly enticing scenario. I may be just lacking imagination, but I don't see how John Edwards benefits from this situation or how you think that this represents to teens (or anyone else) a situation that they'd like to be in.

An alternative to the question "What does this say to teens?" is "What does this say about us?" Celebrity, fame and social power are given by us as much as they are taken by the famous. We may not relate directly to this situation, but many of us (considering the statistics on divorce and infidelity, probably most of us) know friends or family who have been affected by infidelity. We do not condone this behavior when it is someone we know, but there is a greater likelihood that we will have some compassion and understanding for all of the people involved. The Edwards situation is another reality show that we can watch and be entertained by the fact that we are not in that situation.

[continued in next post...]

[Paul Peete - Huffpost Blogger]

Tina,
Methinks thou protests too much. You are right that his despicable behavior, lame excuses, and his expectation of getting away with it send bad signals to our teens. So does the whole eight years of Bush, the home mortgage meltdown, the Catholic Church sexual abuses, and on and on...

You speak truth when you berate the celebutants, Edwards, and the drugged out Amy, oh and don't forget the BLING Blam rappers, are sending bad signals to teens. But what about the parents who should prep their kids to know this ain't Kansas. that bad people and bad behavior can be found everywhere, and the very people you expect the most from disappoint the most. A strong sense of self worth is the offset to those a*holes out there who trample on their public image. Fah...git Paris, Brittney, John, Amy, Bill and Hill, even Barack, if they fall to their vices our kids have to be able to continue on their life journey as you have done.

[robXdion]

uhhh, that phrase about protesting too much is Shakespearean and insinuates the protester is personally defensive by proxy. I don't Tina is projecting anything here other than a criticism of one particular case of selfishness.

[Paul Peete - Huffpost Blogger]

Didn't mean to imply that Tina was guilty of anything other than having a fixation on Edwards. I think she is a good example of someone's having parented well.

[anon004]

You can make the case that he shouldn't have done it, and you can certainly make the case that he was insincere with what he said in his interview. However, it seems to me the guy would have been much happier if he could have kept it private (especially since he was not in public office when the news broke), but the media made such a big deal out of it, he didn't have a lot of choice but to go out and deal with it. Blaming him for that part of it is unfair.