08/31/2006 05:12 pm ET | Updated May 25, 2011

Man, If you still Read Novels, Read "The Keep"

Fair warning, I've never written a book review before and my lack of experience is going to be exposed here, now, in a woeful fashion. But Jennifer Egan's new book "The Keep" is such a wonderful, cool, excellent, mind-altering, insightful, engaging, mysterious, revealing, funny, serious, bizarre and yet straightforwardly simple concoction, it has got to be praised. Highly. Hanging out with me was never all that great to begin with, but thanks to this book, I'm doubly if not triply more tiresome than I was before. I just won't shut up, "The Keep, blah, blah, blah, amazingly amazing, blah, blah, Jennifer Egan's brilliant, blah, blah, call me Captain Pretentious, blah, blah." But that's okay, I'll make new friends. And this is worth it; the book is fine, unique and original, breathing fresh life into that old mildewed phrase "a remarkable achievement." I actually want to dive even deeper into the lower realms of hackdom and call "The Keep" "a remarkable achievement!!!" Maybe even throw some italics in. That's how sweet this book is. It's like getting kicked in the head, but in a good way. It's like getting a small electric shock, but in a good way. It's like having someone pull your eyelids apart with metal hinge thingies like they did to Malcolm McDowell in "A Clockwork Orange" but in a good way. If it were a meal, it would be perfectly cooked fried chicken, sautéed spinach, beet salad and corn on the cob. (unless you don't like corn on the cob). If it were a song, it would be the song Syd Barrett wrote if he hadn't lost his mind and instead had moved to a small northern island with Kate Bush and surfed the web a lot. If it were an ice cream, it would have big chunks of dark chocolate in it, with no nuts. If it were a chess move, it would be pawn takes kings bishop. If you like words on paper, you'll like this book. If you like having flesh on your bones and blood in your body, you'll like this book. If you like the sound of the word Prague, you'll like this book, (although, to be clear, the word Prague actually isn't in the book all that much) "The Keep" right, mmmn-hmmm, ha, yeah, wow. Wow.