White House finds someone to blame for 5 million missing emails.

Today the While House released their final report on how 5 million emails had vanished from their computers. "Apparently, Richard Nixon's personal secretary Rose Marie Woods was responsible for accidentally deleting the emails." said the Attorney General Alberto Gonzales, testifying on the Hill today.

Democrats expressed disbelief at the Attorney General's explanation, since Rose Marie Woods has been dead since 2005, and had not worked for the government since Nixon's resignation in 1974. But Gonzales stuck to his story, "She was one klutzy women, perfectly capable of a screw up of this magnitude," the embattled Attorney General said, reading from a prepared statement. "This is the woman who was responsible for the 18 1⁄2 minute gap in the Nixon audio tapes. She was a major bozo. It's a wonder she could even tie her own shoes without falling over."

"Are you saying a woman who has been dead for two years deleted those emails?" asked Sen. Patrick Leahy (D-VT.) "Yes," answered Gonzales, "Like I said, she was a total mess."

Those missing 18 1⁄2 minutes were considered a critical component in the decline in public confidence in the Nixon presidency, ultimately leading to his resignation. "We can only wonder what was on those 5 million emails. Compared to the possibly incriminating evidence they might have held, 18 1⁄2 minutes is nothing," said Leahy.

"I agree," answered Gonzales, "Crazy."

"So, you honestly believe Rose Marie Woods is responsible for deleting all 5 million emails?" asked Leahy.

"Yes. Seriously, it's like something out of Ripley's. Spooky, right?" concluded Gonzales.