It's been a long road, but our twice-daily 30 to 50 minutes together has come to an end. I'll make this as gentle as I can, but it is what it is and I can't resurface it.
We've had an intimate relationship for more than 10 years, with many stops and starts. I remember how hard it was for me in the beginning to get used to all your stall tactics. Sometimes we flowed well together but, for me, most of the time, it just didn't seem like we were getting anywhere. Although we were together, I felt alone. But NPR kept me company.
Thank you for never hurting me or leaving me on the side of the road, although you gave me many a scare. There were times, even during our last drive together, that I got to see firsthand how you treat others. Sometimes you just bump people around, but it can get really violent on occasion, so I want no part of that anymore. And I have to say you have a lot of mean and rude friends who I do not appreciate at all. It would serve you well to lose some of those jerks.
If it makes you feel any better, my leaving you is purely circumstantial. You see, I'll be working from home now and able to spend more time with my family. I wish I could say this is hard for me, but I have to admit: this goodbye is a great relief. I hope you understand.
But now you should focus on the bright side. Maybe this will relieve at least a little of your congestion. Hey, you won't be quite as polluted, and you'll have one less person cursing you for that 10-mile stretch. And one less person texting and even watching football games while driving in your stop-and-go traffic.
It's not like you won't make more friends. Although you're not very pretty, you do have nice lanes (even if they are a little skinny). And they're always working on you to make you better (although it never really seems to make a difference). But it could be much worse. Just look at your best friend, the 405. Talk about SIG Alerts. She's you times 10!
I wish you all the best. Thank you for being there when I needed you. And we will still see each other in passing, which I hope isn't too, ya know... bumpy.
All the best,