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Tom Alderman

Tom Alderman

Posted: December 17, 2008 01:37 PM

More Things to Ponder While Stuck in Traffic

• Why do fast-food workers always sweep around you when you're eating?

• When they tell you at the doctor's office that he/she is running on time, you'll be waiting for at least 20 minutes, until you get in the small examining room - another 15 minutes.

• Boredom is an ADHD's chronic fear.

• The remedy for boredom is curiosity. There is no remedy for curiosity.

• You know you're a geezer when your druggist is on your speed dial.

• Tom Hanks is having Jimmy Stewart's career.

• 'More bars in more places' is more applicable to New Orleans' Bourbon Street than it is to AT&T.

• Content delivered without the right demeanor is like a hook without the bait.

• When did cashiers start returning change coins on top of paper bills so they slide off during the transfer to your hand?

• If Darwin had said we ASCENDED from apes, instead of DESCENDED from them, would there be so much controversy?

• Why do waiters ask "How is everything?" only when your mouth is full?

• Brad Pitt is having Robert Redford's career.

• The problem with egotists is NOT that they won't stop talking, it's that they wont let you stop listening.

• You know you're in L.A. when the first conversation at any off-site meeting is - "How'd you get here? What route did you take?"

• As seat space gets smaller, airlines now charge passengers additional fees for food and snacks, checking baggage, speaking to an actual reservation person on the phone, getting a seat assignment, re-banking frequent flyer miles. What's next: a dollar every time we use the call-button for a flight attendant? How about pay toilets?

• Does it bother you that no one actually talks to each other in a Saturday Night Live sketch? It's cue-card talking to cue-card.

• When a modern metro sexual hears '...don we now our gay apparel,' from "Deck the Halls, does he think Versace or Marc Jacobs?

• There are a lot of things more important than money. And they're all itemized on our credit cards.

• Japanese auto-maker Toyota released the break-through hybrid Prius in 1997. Ford put out the first American hybrid 7 years later. Any wonder why Detroit auto makers are losing?

• In Los Angeles, a pedestrian is someone who's just park their car.

• Lessons learned from computers: when life gets out-of-whack, re-boot.

• Hard to picture:

- the comedy stylings of Daniel Day-Lewis.

- Donald Trump's hair as he comes out of a pool.

- James Carvelle and Mary Matlin as a married couple.

- Wolf Blitzer playing Twister on the floor.

- Ann Coulter in a page-boy.

- Chicago without Italien beef sandwiches

- Radio without NPR

- Christmas without "It's a Wonderful Life."