I have been out for over 20 years and in that time I have "come out" several times. First it was to family and friends as gay, and then there was coming out at the Forbes Top 100 Company I work for and last as a Drag Queen's husband. However the one "coming out" I have not had the pleasure of is as a married man. This is something I badly want to be able to do.
Just because I'm gay and love a drag queen it hasn't changed what I want out of life. I want to marry the person I love. Notice I didn't say "gay marry" or "opposite sex marry" or even "drag marry", I said marry, because it's ALL the same. My love for Jeff/Vivian is no different than what my sister feels for my brother in law or what my parents shared. So why should the name of the union of that love be any different? It shouldn't be.
Yes I know someone from the religious right would correct me and tell me that in the eyes of their GOD it's not. Well guess what? That is just WRONG. I'm not going to debate this issue. I believe what I believe just like they believe what they believe. So I will agree to disagree. Only time will tell if I am wrong. I don't think I am though.
Am I religious? I would have to say no. Do I believe in God? As much as I want to say I don't, I can't. So that being said I just can't believe in a God who would have a problem with two people loving each other and wanting to share their lives with one another no matter what their gender is. Love is love just like marriage is marriage.
The definition of marriage has changed over the course of history and for some reason those that want to "protect" marriage seem to forget this. As times changed so did the reasons why individuals married, let's not forget in the beginning marriage was an arranged contract to increase wealth and/or power. It wasn't about love. Today there are many reasons for marriage but the #1 is love, the way it should be. It is also should be a decision between two individuals not a decision by the government or religion.
I define my 10+ year relationship with Jeff as a marriage. Have we stood up in front of family and friends and professed our love and devotion to each other? Not in a ceremony but ask any one who knows us and they well tell you we are a couple. I can't tell you how many times we are referred to as the Von Bs. This cracks me up. When I go some place without him I get asked "Where is Vivian?" Or "Where is Jeff?" Just depends on who is asking. The same goes for him.
So I can define my relationship as a marriage and even refer to Jeff has my husband, which I do. However I have NONE of the legal protections that my sister and parents have and I'm sorry that is just wrong. I do believe however that time is coming and when I finally marry Jeff it will be the happiest day of my life.
To read more about being married to a drag queen go to Diary of a Drag Queen's Husband